things overheard at elementary school

informational essay time!
"there are so many typs of yarn so I will say a copl.
chunky yarn, acrilace yarn, spiky yarn, sparkely yarn, soft yarn, hard yarn, blue yarn, big yarn, small yarn, pink yarn, stuffy yarn, yellow yarn, orange yarn, green yarn, purple yarn, colorful yarn! fluffy yarn!"

"ms. teacher, remember yesterday?"
"yep."
"me too. I wasn't here."
😑

student to other student: "remember, she said last week that a lot of kids don't like to edit their essays but it's important."
me: "thank you for listening to what I said."
student to me: "actually, that's the only time I've listened to you."
😅

4th grader: "In first grade, I made a really weird choice. I had a crush on a boy and I told my teacher. I still have a crush on him."

me: "what month are you most looking forward to in 2026?"
student: "uhhh.... 2028?"

"what does yin and yang mean?"
"uhhh... the master who has control of white and black?"

"When it's a new moon, where did the other moon go?"

"I have a big problem. I forgot my iPad at home, so I can't read about Jesus."

me: "please walk in the hallway!"
student, in all seriousness: "I'm a HORSE."

student: "OK, famous people from Mexico are Frida Kahlo, the president, and Jorge."
me: "who's Jorge?"
student: "just Jorge."

teacher: "who can name the seasons?"
student: "THANKSGIVING!!!!"

me: "please don't eat the sharpied grape."
student: "but won't it give me quadruple super powers?"

me: "The Mexican flag has a snake that represents Mexico's enemies."
student: "When can we FIGHT?!"

"Math in the United States is not the most rational subject."

"let me tell you about all of my pets. first I had a parrot. then a worm. then a bunny. then a cat. then a caterpillar. the caterpillar and the worm are dead."

4th grader, Moroccan, spoken with a French accent, lamenting about the sugar content in breakfasts: "Americans only like salt and sugar. Do you not like sour?! BRO."

me: "what do you like to do at recess?"
student: "we like to go on a mission... to find... A ONION!"
other student: "yeah, for our sushi restaurant!"

Teacher: “When I send you off, you’re going to…”
Student, under their breath: “Pee yourself. In your pants.”

student taking a math test this morning: "no one will know if you give me the answers..." me: "you're right, but I have integrity." student: "awww man, I thought that would work!"

this was supposed to be an essay
turned into accidental poetry

"Who can tell me what kidnapping means?"
"It's when you get TOOKEN!"

8 yo posing as an 80 yo: "MAN, I love McDonald's apple pies. And if you get a coffee to go with it, dip it in a little, perfect."

"I need my natural liquid."
"It's called WATER."

(9yo to 9yo, no adults in the hallway) "ANNA! Go back, try again. You were running the whole hallway. Literally."

"We're not friends anymore. We're BFFs!"

"How am I supposed to find the missing digits? This is BALONEY."

Yet another day of testing.

"what does luxury mean?"
"it means closed windows and lights and everything."