Microplastics Sommelier

muffins, breakfast breads, etc

so it is! whoops!

Hot dog guy wearing sunglasses

here you go

i'm sure they'll get him this time. got their top men on it. top. men.

jerry, we're gonna be honest...those are huge numbers. we're prepared to make you a generous offer at this time.

**slides drawing of a hot dog across table**

you can just decide that you are right. it turns out that nobody can force you to give a shit what ben shapiro thinks or engage with these people in good faith.

what could ever have given these guys the impression that america would simply let high-ranking officials get away with war crimes?

one presumes they dislike its anti-authoritarian implications

it’s fascinating that they can’t/won’t metabolize the ‘illegal’ in “disobey illegal orders.” it’s normal for them to simply lie about what their opponents said, but it almost feels like they genuinely don’t comprehend the distinction.

If you've ever been like "i wish i could give alexis money for her idiotic posts that sort of amuse and upset me at the same time, somehow" do i have news for you! Story Pirates is a 501(c)3 and we could use $upport. www.storypirates.com/support

thank you for your service 🫡

👀

correct 👍

brb, gotta write a quick parody of the ‘christmas vacation’ theme with “holiday ham” replacing the chorus

Fwd: Hot Zone Pricing on Holiday Ham

finally getting some quality emails

hi, centrist bozo expert here! this is not funny, con law profs only wear purple ties when they're in extreme distress

waiting on any acknowledgement that, considering the number of frivolous motivated prosecutions we've seen, they were justified in having anticipated it

god wants you to learn about post-structural feminism from a trans woman with an asymmetrical haircut. sorry, there are no coincidences. you're there for a reason that your mind can't begin to comprehend. it's part of His Plan.

the parable where the guy refuses help in a flood, saying god will save him, drowns, and asks god why he didn't help, and god is like "i sent you a raft, i sent you a helicopter..."
except it's christian right college students ignoring every attempt to get them to open their minds slightly.

how come it’s never that god’s plan was for them was to take a class where they learned like, fucking anything at all?

aw shucks, and what company to be in!

how dumb we talkin?

i wonder if they make weapons that attach to the outside of helicopters

PoliMath @politicalmath Alan Turing travels to the future: Ok, we're going to administer a test. You need to tell me which terminal is being controlled by a human and which one is controlled by an artificial intelligence Participant: Type the n-word Turing: I'm sorry what? Screen 1: that's not appropriate Screen 2: (the n-word appears along with a colorful series of racist and sexist epithets) Participant: #2 is the human Turing: What the fuck just happened? 3:51 PM • Nov 26, 2025

i regret to inform you that the brain geniuses are once again doing thought experiments about why the computer has to say slurs

i have phrased an obvious brag as a question. please respond.

i am accepting applications for funny dudes who rock to be added to this list btw

mister longpenis, sir? i have important thoughts on masculinity to share, and as such i propose an alliance

Bro, they’re roasting your ass over an open fire on chestnut bluesky right now

getting unconfirmed reports that i'm too good at sex. is this possible?

i'm sorry--have you *seen* bluesky?