Microplastics Sommelier

ladies and gentlemen, the gheekend

(deluge of clarified butter released from ceiling, washing away stage and studio audience)

move, countermove. guile and deceit.

"Yeah, I'm in the C* Org"

*(C stands for 'chicken parmesan')

but whhhyyy

forming a posse to round up the creators of the WebP format so that i can encase them in a rapidly solidifying clear resin cube, as a metaphor

i live by a simple code: without a base, without a trace

can this be a solution

help! i need an adult!

there’s something extremely unsettling about seeing “Iran will NEVER have a nuclear weapon” in the mouth of donald trump

i see that smokey the bear “resist” sticker quite a bit. and i’m always like, “this *person* is probably fine…but they got got”

so to speak

it’ll be a race between her knowledge of slang vs the state of slang. either way, should take care of itself.

kiddoplastics sommelier has taken to asking “can i have one with lots of goon?” whenever we get chinese now

indeed not, we can’t have a scandinavian-style welfare state with that lower 40% not paying taxes.

but considering that we *don’t* have a scandinavian-style welfare state, not making that lower 40% pay taxes feels like a feint at a consolation prize

👍

that's not what they're saying over on earth 2 right now about five-term president obama

in his defense, the 22nd amendment is a weird response to the depression-ending, world-saving presidency of his predecessor

we must allow a third of our suckers & marks to lie fallow every year so we don’t deplete this vital national resource

My mom was a union organizer for 25 years. I walked picket lines of wildcat strikes with her. We used to run bake sales and trivia nights to support striking workers. You wouldn't survive 3 seconds in her vagina. It would shrivel up what's left of your balls. I miss her terribly.

i hereby award you 83 mommy points

well yeah

(that one is fine 😉 )

second of all, sometimes things are more complicated than a creepy, thought-terminating analogy. get better ideas, these are dumb.

first of all, you’re an adult, don’t say “mommy”

have i mentioned how much i hate that “democrats are the mommy party, gop is the daddy party” psycho sexual nonsense?

They’re leaving you out to dry in linen chat

I lost my job, my kids have measles, and gas is six dollars a gallon. But at least now they’re not tearing down a statue of a Confederate general that I’ve never heard of in a city that I’ve never been to.

if only we had had some way of knowing that an administration full of empathy-deficient sociopaths would lack theory of mind

walking into my wife’s work party like