Middle Age Riot

Do you all realize how close we came to having a president who wouldn't have commented on Sydney Sweeney's hotness?

TOP 50 FACTS ABOUT TARIFFS

1: They're paid by Americans.

2 through 50: See No. 1.

SELF-CARE TIP: If you're not JD Vance, periodically remind yourself that at least you're not JD Vance.

Melania Trump did this to the White House rose garden so her husband couldn't bury her there.

On the plus side, if Donald Trump is ever diagnosed with a serious but treatable disease, he'll just fire the doctor.

Today's Republican Party is almost completely defined by how far they'll go to protect a pedophile.

In their defense, the authors of the Constitution could never have predicted that American voters would be this stupid.

BREAKING: After receiving an unflattering jobs report, Donald Trump appointed Ghislaine Maxwell to be the new Commissioner of Labor Statistics.

While we're deporting people, we should deport any criminal with more that 30 felony convictions.

Refusing to release the Epstein files because they incriminate Donald Trump is exactly what a Deep State would do.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. And stupid. We should be scared shitless of stupid.

Donald Trump: "I'm going to raise tariffs and make everything more expensive for no reason."

MAGA: "I can't afford to support my family because Joe Biden made schoolchildren trans."

Donald Trump Jr. looks like he could snort cocaine off his own tits.

FROM. AMERICANS. YOU. FUCKING. SHIT. HEADS.

"For years I wouldn't talk to Jeffrey Epstein. He did something that was inappropriate. He stole people that worked for me." – Donald Trump, just in case you thought he stopped talking to Epstein because of the child sex trafficking

BREAKING: The White House IT department has installed an app on Donald Trump's phone that allows him to pardon pedos with a single click.

BREAKING: Donald Trump has negotiated a landmark trade agreement with the European Union that will guarantee Americans pay more for shit.

"What'll you have, the Rape Basket or the Pedo Platter?"

SHOWN: Best friends Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein best-friending.

MAGA: "My savings were destroyed by Trump's tariffs and general incompetence with the economy. Oh well, I didn't really want to retire anyway."

MAGA's boss: "This company's profits were destroyed by Trump's tariffs and general incompetence with the economy. You're fired."

Republicans: "The mainstream media keeps showing the same 50-plus photos of Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein together like it's some kind of proof they knew each other."

On a scale from "not at all" to "not even the tiniest bit" how surprised are you that Lauren Boebert raised a child abuser?

They lobotomized the wrong Kennedy.

"The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command." - George Orwell, 1984

BELOW: Donald Trump signs a posthumous pardon for Ghislaine Maxwell.

Ozzy Osbourne dies:

"Rest in peace, Ozzy Osbourne."

Hulk Hogan dies:

"Rest in peace, Ozzy Osbourne."

BREAKING: Tulsi Gabbard still exists, and is still garbage.

Ohio State Rape Victims.

Donald Trump is the long COVID of presidents.

"These documents prove my innocence? They must never see the light of day." - no innocent person ever