"Alexa, show me the last person you'd want in charge of the military during a war?"
If only there'd been some indication that Donald Trump was garbage.
"As a visionary, I know success is not born overnight but rather takes shape after a long and sometimes challenging process. Often alone at the top, I follow my passion, listen to my instinct, and always maintain a laser focus." - Melania Trump on whoring for a visa
TWO WEEKS AGO: "Groceries are expensive, but at least gas is cheap."
TODAY:
FLASHBACK: Six years ago, Donald Trump didn't want to wear a mask because it would smudge his makeup, so the Republican Party helped him kill a million Americans.
Republicans in 2024: Gerrymandered districts, selectively closed polling places, purged voter rolls, eliminated mail-in ballots, shortened polling hours, weakened voting rights legislation, and packed the courts.
Republicans in 2026: "Democrats are rigging our elections."
BREAKING: People with no legs walk and man with no brain speaks.
Pete Hegseth: "It won't be a forever war. Iran will eventually run out of school girls."
Lindsey Graham is what would happen if a Keebler elf had sex with a jar of spoiled mayonnaise.
SUPER DUPER MEGA FUN FACT: If there is a Heaven, no one in this photo will ever see it.
Putin: "I'm giving Iran military intelligence so they can target U.S. troops. Is that okay with you, bitch?"
Dear Kristi Noem,
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Warmest regards,
Me
P.S. Ha ha ha fuck you.
Kristi Noem is about to go from being the stupidest person in Trump's cabinet to being the stupidest person not in Trump's cabinet.
FRIENDLY ADVICE: Live your life so that if a rash appears on your neck millions of people don't publicly wish for your death.
I look forward to speaking ill of the dead.
Trump: "Don't worry about me, Jeffrey. If it looks like I might get caught I'll murder you and bomb Iran."
Has anyone told the spray-tanned shit walrus that there's no such thing as a Nobel War Prize?
Donald Trump: "There will be no new wars."
Republicans: "Yay!"
Donald Trump: "There will be many, many new wars."
Republicans: "Yay!"
For their next trick, Donald Trump will deliver the State of the Union address while Vladimir Putin drinks a glass of water.
If you must drive in snowy conditions, please remember that Donald Trump raped children.
MAGA doesn't care if Donald Trump destroys the economy as long as he destroys the economy while being racist.
If you take over a social media platform for the purpose of creating a safe space for white nationalism, you're not a free speech hero, you're a white nationalist.
Women would smile more if men would go fuck themselves more.
SHOWN: A banner on the U.S. Department of Justice building reads "Make America Safe Again" with an image of America's greatest danger.
BREAKING: A civil war has erupted in the Republican Party between those who know Donald Trump raped children and care a little bit and those who know Donald Trump raped children and don't care at all.
Unhappy Presidents Day to the worst one ever.
According to White House sources, Donald and Melania Trump celebrated Valentine's Day with their annual tradition of watching the first half of Casablanca, cheering for the Nazis, and hurling racial slurs at Sam the piano player.
It's Valentine's Day, so the entire Republican Party can kiss my ass.
A wild animal is at its most dangerous when it is cornered. That goes double when it is also stupid.
"The Dow is over 50,000 right now." - Pam Bondi, doing the cost-benefit analysis for child rape
