Ash Dylan

I infiltrated an Antifa cell in Portland. We sat at a table and chose code names. We picked undercover identities, like “Orc thief” and “Elvish mage.” The Antifa den manager, or DM, walked us through the mission, or “campaign.” Then we all did it with each other. It was actually a lot of fun.

The wrong people! There are so many better options.

not Dolly Parton but another 79 year old whose first name starts with D

Tender is the Storm original cover

Antittyfa

I want to write a superhero romance and not just so I can use sound effect words like SPLAT! and VROOM! in the love scenes but that is one of the reasons

Every time he complains the election was rigged the people who voted against him should get $1,000. It’s defamation, it’s slander, and it’s pathetic. What a fucking loser.

what if you were new to Portland and had a one-night stand with someone you met at the organic beer co-op but the next day when you showed up to your new job at Antifa Outpost (Western Region), LLC your boss was the person from the bar and then you fell in love FOR REAL???

whoever writes Project 2026 better have an HEA

I wrote a book where a reader has full-on sex with a sentient romance novel. But in real life I’m actually pretty bad at having sex with books.

Kind of like how someone can write a book about deals but in reality he’s terrible at it.

Darcy writing

Lizzy,

Roses are red
The shutdown will pass
In the meantime
Let me tap that ass

Darcy

Pete Hegseth

not to kinkshame but incompetence porn sucks

Democrats should demand that the President has to watch Reading Rainbow Clockwork Orange style until he learns how to read and/or be a decent human being

Darcy writing

Elizabeth,

I want to send my troops into one place that starts with P, and it ain’t Portland.

Darcy

“Let’s settle this the Portland way,” the antifa precinct captain said. “We’ll get lunch from the vegan food carts and play Settlers of Catan in the town square. Loser buys a book from Powell’s for the winner.”

“I do two things,” Portland said. “Hate fascists and drink coffee.” Portland got off its unicycle, set down its bagpipes, and started to roll up the sleeves of its flannel shirt. “And I don’t have coffee anymore because of the tariffs.”

Amelia Bedelia threw the medicine bottles into the pharmacy.

“What are you doing?” the pharmacist asked.

“My mom took Tylenol,” said Amelia, “so I’m giving it back.”

DON’T PUT TYLENOL ON YOUR TONGUE AND THEN KISS YOUR PARTNER AND DO THAT THING WHERE YOUR TONGUES TANGLE AS IT DISSOLVES AND YOU THINK IT’S GOING TO BE THE BEGINNING OF A MAGICAL NIGHT. YOU WILL NEED AT LEAST TWO TYLENOL TO FEEL ANYTHING. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!

Roses are red
I want to defect
Comey got indicted
By the guy he helped elect

Decided to add a little twist 😂

Darcy writing

Elizabeth,

Not only can I say acetaminophen, but I can spell it with my tongue between your legs.

Call me,
Darcy

I cupped the bottle of Tylenol in my hand. “Who did this to you?” “It’s not my fault,” Tylenol whimpered. “The only thing you cause,” I said as I dipped one finger inside the bottle, then two, “is me to be in love with you.” Tylenol moaned with each brush of my fingers across a pill. “I want more. Can you fit?” I growled. “Let’s find out.” The CVS employee coughed behind me. “You have to buy that.”

Tylenol and me: a love story

And lo, the angel descended to Earth and proclaimed, “I have come for you.”

And lo, the romance hero rolled up his sleeves and said, low and dirty, “Not yet.”

Darcy writing

Elizabeth,

Are you the rapture? Because I’ll make you feel like you’re floating to heaven when you come.

Darcy

Darcy writing

You are cordially invited to the Antifa meeting at my Pemberley estate.

Unless you’re the feds. Then it’s an orgy and you’re not invited.

Darcy

You’re welcome 😁

Darcy writing

Lizzy,

So the FCC won’t let me be or let me be me so let me see. They’re trying to take me down from Pemberley but it feels so empty without me.

Darcy

a group of conservatives is called a circle kirk

“Did I do good, Daddy?” ABC purred. “Did I stroke Daddy’s ego so good?” “Yes,” America rasped. “Disney taught you well.” ABC moaned at the praise. It would never be Daddy’s favorite. That would always be Fox. But I can make Daddy forget, ABC decided. “I won’t show THIS on TV either,” ABC smirked, dropping to its knees and taking Daddy in its mouth. Taking Daddy so deep it thought of changing its name to America’s Best Cocksucker.

ABC and America: a dark romance

I will never forgive them for making me stand up for Jimmy Kimmel

pitching Nintendo a sentient object romance where a gamer takes out an old cartridge and blows on it and then they fall in love FOR REAL