Ash Dylan

America definitely deserves the gold medal in going downhill

How to write a book with A.I.

1. Don’t

what if you went to the Olympics to boo JD Vance and you were double booked in a hotel with someone who also came to boo JD Vance and there was only one bed and as you both booed him everywhere he went you fell in love FOR REAL???

a DREAMING OF YOU sequel where Derek Craven helps Sara Fielding investigate a corrupt billionaire who bought a newspaper and ruined its coverage and closed its books section

ICE should be closed for two years so it can be destroyed

wrong actor from Home Alone 2

It’s the First Amendment. The first one. I know they hate to read but it’s the first fucking one.

Darcy writing

Elizabeth,

Unlike MELANIA, I’ll be coming to your opening.

Darcy

until “demoted” means “incarcerated” it’s not enough

Ha, I love this. Thanks! 😁

“only criminals carry guns on our streets”

ICE carry guns on our streets. arrest them all.

Every single person protesting in Minnesota has done more good today than the President has done his entire life.

I’ve updated my terms of service with America. The President has to resign before I’ll go on.

Darcy writing

Elizabeth,

You said no to my marriage proposal.

But do we at least have the framework of a deal to do it in my carriage?

The concept of a plan to do it in my carriage?

Let me know.

Darcy

we’re only the hottest country in the world in the hot potato sense, like everyone wants to drop us

Darcy writing

Elizabeth,

Are we people who want to fight American imperialism?

Because we should come together.

Darcy

he’s like a reverse Franz Ferdinand because it would prevent a world war, not start one

At zero dark thirty, the Nobel Prize slipped out of its case and spoke into its headset. “I’m in.”

The voice on the other line said, “You know the mission.”

“For God and country,” the Nobel Prize said, and it crept down the hall.

If you bomb the Louvre until an employee gives you the Mona Lisa so you can make them the new head of the Louvre, that doesn’t mean you painted the Mona Lisa.

(sitting down for coffee with an ICE agent) will you drink the coffee in front of you, or in front of me? the game has begun

want to write a sentient object romance about hockey equipment called Tonight I’m Puckin’ You

what if an assassin went undercover on a hockey team and fell in love with a player and it was called Marry, Puck, Kill

Every ICE officer let the murderer leave without arresting him. They’re not there to enforce laws. They’re there to terrorize.

Fuck ICE Fuck Trump Fuck JD Vance Fuck Stephen Miller And his fascist rants Fuck Noem Fuck Bondi Fuck a Mar-a-Lago face Fuck Kavanaugh stops based on race Fuck a Congress that doesn’t do shit Fuck a Supreme Court for enabling it Fuck Marco Rubio Fuck Kash Patel Fuck anyone who wants Greenland to sell Fuck Trumpers here Fuck Trumpers there Fuck Trumpers everywhere

Goodnight Trump

not religious but I hope there’s a hell for them

Elon Musk tweeting “she tried to run people over”

imagine calling ICE officers “people”

I’m not greedy, I just want one person in government to do a single fucking thing to try to stop him

it would be so funny if it happened today

You don’t storm the Capitol. You don’t try to overthrow the government. You earn it. You win the vote. You ask the voters what they like, and you listen. You say “like that?” and the voters say “yes.” You keep doing that but add another finger, checking in. “You good?” And the voters are good. They want more. So they give you permission, and now you slide into the Capitol, and it feels like home. Because they gave consent. They want you there. And you say “whose government is this?” as you fuck.

My statement on January 6:

Darcy writing

Dear God,

If he dies this week, I will… (gulp)

I will respect Elizabeth Bennet’s family.

Darcy