Ash Dylan

Being homeless is not the crime. A society letting people be homeless is the crime.

“Come inside,” said the bookstore.

“With pleasure,” I groaned as I parted the doors and eased in. One leg, followed by two. I strolled to the back, pressing against a shelf, browsing so hard books were slicking me with ink.

“I’m going to spend!” I cried and I spurted money all over the counter.

celebrate National Book Lovers Day literally with a romance about a sentient book that knows how to please its reader

Darcy writing

Elizabeth,

Call me redistricting because I want to pack you with D.

Darcy

what if Texas Democrats fled the state to save democracy and stayed in a hotel where two of them had to share the last room and there was only one bed and they fell in love FOR REAL???

Darcy writing

Elizabeth,

If I give you fewer than expected orgasms, I will not fire the butler who counts how many times you scream my name. I will try harder next time.

Darcy

I want to write a Scottish why choose romance called Marry, Fuck, Kilt

starving people is wrong, and shooting starving people is wrong, and fuck the world that sees that as a debate

any author will tell you that the best way to “change the narrative” isn’t to reintroduce old characters in act three, it’s to release the Epstein files

MAHA (make art horny again)

The couple from Tender is the Storm caught in the Coldplay kiss cam

tender is the kiss cam

Darcy writing

Elizabeth,

You are the only one with whom I would ever attend a Coldplay concert.

Darcy

Darcy writing

Elizabeth,

Neither pride nor prejudice but a secret third thing that also starts with P.

Darcy

doctor:

me:

doctor:

me:

doctor: what do you mean “research for a sentient object romance about a firecracker”

we’re in the third act breakup of a book I want to DNF

Darcy writing

Dear Representatives,

Vote NO like it’s an invitation to a party with Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

Darcy

Darcy writing

Elizabeth,

Murkowski voted for you to marry Mr Collins.

Darcy

The only people who belong in Alligator Alcatraz are the people making it

Darcy writing

Elizabeth,

Darcy Fragrences are here! Want your RIDE to smell like PRIDE? Spray some “Scents and Sensibility” on your Netherfield. Only £199.

“The next best thing to the real Darcy spraying liquid on me”
-satisfied customer

Link in bio.

Darcy

the problem with being a romance author is that an idea will come to you and your first thought is wait that sounds dirty

Darcy writing

Elizabeth,

I accept your apology for moaning “oh, Pedro Pascal” while we were mid passion.

I was thinking about him, too.

Darcy

Darcy writing

Elizabeth,

Are you regime change? Because I want to become entangled with you for decades with no exit strategy.

Darcy

Darcy writing

Elizabeth,

Are you congressional approval to go to war? Because I need you.

Darcy

Darcy writing

Elizabeth,

Are you the news? Because FUCK.

Darcy

Darcy writing

Elizabeth,

Summer is here. Care for a picnic? I’m in the mood to eat something outside.

Darcy

Darcy writing

Elizabeth,

I can last longer than a SpaceX rocket before I explode.

Darcy

Darcy writing

Elizabeth,

A night with me is the opposite of the Trump Parade—someone will be coming.

Darcy

Darcy writing

Elizabeth,

I support No Kings Day. I want you to use my face as a throne. I contain multitudes.

Darcy

Agreed :)

Darcy writing

Elizabeth,

This is a formal invitation to accompany me to the ICE protest.

Darcy