Matthew Alexander Pine

He quietly starts to sob. He feels so sad. So alone. So empty.

That's not enough though, he needs to do more. He starts destroying everything he can find, tearing up clothes and smashing objects. Once he's done, he looks around... Why doesn't he feel happy now? Why does he feel sadness and guilt instead? He sits down amongst the mess, and curls into a ball.

Lament was sitting in his bedroom, upset. He was mad at everyone and everything. Just, so mad. He takes a deep breath, but can't seem to calm down. Blinded by his rage, he eventually gets up and starts making a mess. He throws his lamp, yanks clothes out of the closet and even messes up his bed.

╰─ - ̗̀♱ Begin Log:
⛧| Date: December 5, ----
⛧| Time: 19:50
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This individual. They cut contact with him. He understands the reasons why, but it still hurts. Why does it hurt? He feels like a failure. His one purpose in life was to please people, and he failed...

Unfortunately, he's a busy man. He had to say goodbye to the child. Oh, how he wishes he could see the child one last time. Tell them how much they mean to him. How much he would sacrifice for them. He looks back up at his monitor. Before he can stop himself, he starts crying.

He never got a proper answer. He felt like he should leave, but was already in too deep. He continued. At one point, he fostered the individual's small child. The child called him Lammy. This child, they made him feel loved, feel appreciated. His smiles were genuine for once. He actually felt happy.

He would drop everything in a heartbeat for them. Give them gifts, comfort them, get in trouble for them. Anything for this individual. He eventually admitted his feelings, and was left in shock. Did he misinterpret their relationship? What did he do wrong and how can he fix it?

He knew this would happen eventually. This one individual, they could see past his image. He felt uncomfortable, but proceeded anyway. He eventually started to become attached. He swore to never get attached to people, yet he did. He did everything for this individual.

He wants to show emotion, to tell people how he truly feels. But, that would ruin his image. He's an O5 for fucks sake. Isn't he supposed to be emotionless? Numb? He killed innocent people, traumatized even more. Yet, here he was, still so vulnerable. Why was he like this? What was wrong with him?

He was taught at a young age how to please others. You'll only be accepted if people see a use for you. He built his entire life, his entire image, all based on this alone. He sighs and puts his head in his hands. It's exhausting keeping this image.

Lament sat at is desk, thinking about everything that had just happened. He took a deep breath, trying to keep his emotions at bay. He needs to be happy. He has to be happy. He can't let anyone know what's truly going on inside of him... His entire life has been this way.

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⛧| Date: December 4, ----
⛧| Time: 22:00
⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣ ˚☽˚.⋆

╰─ - ̗̀♱ Personnel File
⛧| Name: Matthew Alexander Pine
⛧| DOB: December 18, 2008
⛧| Pronouns: He + Him
⛧| Gender Orientation: Agender + Questioning
⛧| Sexual Orientation: Asexual + Aroace + Polyamarous + Questioning
⛧| Time Zone: EST
⛧| Occupation: Writer
⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣⌣ ˚☽˚.⋆