Matt 🇨🇦🍁

The world is stressful, get the expensive vibrator

OMG! Seven11HotDogGobbler? How have you been? It’s been AGES!

I used the “List” option. I don’t even have to follow them (I do, of course), but viewing the list only shows their original posts. Not even retweets of their own posts

💙☮️🫂 I’m so sorry to hear this. My condolences to all that knew and loved her. 😢

It’s about 10% fun crazy and 90% uhh… “other”. 🤷🏼‍♂️

Mine is “Crazy” by Gnarles Barkley

Your sister is Grace Kuhlenschmidt?

It would be tough to get through but you’re worth it

🫂

Could be us, but you Sagan

DONALD TRUMP: [asleep, drooling on long red tie]

SENATE DEMOCRATS: fine, we give in

Is that Carl Sagan?

YOU (a comedian): If it was the Neverending Story then how come the movie ended?

ME (traumatized, still seeing Artax drown in the swamp of sadness): It never did

They cut SNAP because it would legally arm the public

I’ve had enough of today. I’m going home, showering and then moisturizing

A rescued marmot (a brown ground squirrel) presses its face through the horizontal bars of a cage. Its little red tongue hangs comically out of its mouth, giving the image "eager beaver" vibes.

It's almost the weekend

Promise yourself to get a nap after the adrenaline wears off.

Also, they’ll be lucky to have you work for them

Isn’t that what made it “that special evening”?

You’re gonna do great. You got this. You’re smart, you’re powerful and you can handle anything.

the best thing about a Fleshlight is it doesn't cut your dick up like a real flashlight

I saved up all my Antifa money this year. Going to use it for Christmas gifts

🫂💙

The look on your face says “Nothing here.”

💙🫂💙

You want be nice and appreciative and convey just the right message and it’s important to you and that makes you thoughtful and caring.

👊🏼