Mentally Marlene McKinnon

Me 2 drinks deep remembering Snapchat exists

IT IS OFFICIALLY MY BIRTHDAY I spent the last few minutes of being 24 making a sign that says “fart” and it’s almost completely illegible

Call me old-fashioned, but I truly believe soup is meant to be made in a cauldron over an open fire under a full moon with the sound of wolves in the distance.

still really wild that Starbucks built its brand on ~artisanal cozy vibes~ and now it feels like you’re in there to get a blood test

Eating too much cake is the sin of gluttony. However, eating too much pie is okay because the sin of pi is always zero.
🖖

I. JUST. WANT. THE. RECIPE. I. DON'T. WANT. FOUR. PAGES. OF. STORY. ABOUT. HOW. THIS. WAS. YOUR. AUNT. LINDA'S. FAVORITE. DISH. ON. WINTER. ESCAPES. TO. THE. MOUNTAINS.

Simpler times

Used to do this when I was little before and after a shit, didn’t care about my weight only the weight of my shit

Assuming all fanfiction is written poorly really just shows you've never been caught in the chokehold of a 150k slowburn that changed the course of your life at 2:40am written by someone whose username has 4 Zs in it and they only wrote one fic and then vanished like an ethereal legend.

All I want is a cottage in the Scottish Highlands, a raging snowstorm, and Agatha Christie novel, a crackling fire, a kettle on the stove, and a basket of emotional support pastries.

Destroying his innocence, he’s just a boy smh