Sometimes selective amnesia is a sword and sometimes it’s a shield. And sometimes it’s another thingy, I can’t recall what.
I promised my truck that when it’s time, I’m gonna put it in neutral and let it roll off a ledge into an old quarry
I carry around a lot of nevers.
Can any reply people out there tell me what a rhetorical joke is?
Not to brag but I can now carry $250 worth of groceries into the house with one hand.
My mind never goes blank, it just wanders off like a vagrant
I parallel parked so bad that I had to leave and find a new space.
I wish people could live in peace, not just rest in peace.
where’s the manual on how to restore myself to factory settings
I'd like to be alone now please sign out.
nice try your honor, but I too brought a gavel
I grew up in the 80s so I think I know a thing or two about saying no to drugs
i apologize for what i said before i had my first cup of gravy
Like the huckleberry, I can tolerate shade but fruit better in dappled light
the person who named the Woolly Mammoth should’ve been able to name more things
The older I get, the more I
sympathize with the Grinch hating all the noise, noise, noise, NOISE
Knowledge is power but the dumbest guy you know is probably doing amazing.
Bugs Bunny taught me my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight; I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.
My parents are “oh yeah, I forgot to tell you I had surgery yesterday” years old
We are on year 8 with some of these gift bags and I think that's beautiful
When people say to me “I’ve had enough of your nonsense” I give them a little more of my nonsense, in case they were just being polite.
You don’t have to buy gifts for anyone when you believe in Santa.
I see you. You're doing the best you can and I'm cheering for you ❤️
The kid who rang up my booze on Christmas Eve raises praying mantises. One is named Alpha and the other Beta. He catches crickets to feed them. I used to be his little league coach. I’d like to think I had something to do with this.
im a daytime midweek bowling alley ten.
Every time I think a reference might be too old, BlueSky skews 5-10 years older than that.
Trusting politicians to do the right thing is like trusting me not to eat all the donuts.
Don't ask me for advice. I have a favorite serial killer.
