Meek in Progress

a stylized portrait of a person looking over their shoulder. White streeks in ashblond hair. In the left bottom area is an artist tag reading "Meekhayl Do not repost"

okay this is the closest of a honest self portrait I will ever make I think XD Even though the hair length is not accurate. XD

#digitalart #portrait #selfportrait

digital drawing, portrait, stylzed. Lineart only. A person is looking over their shoulder smiling. Their hair is messy.

So long time no post. I was back in an artblock. So I am trying to climb out of it again!
So today I tried a complete different style from my own. And it is not what I usually strife towards but it was fun to see that I can do a half decent stylized portrait out of the blue!

#digitalart #art

CSP screenshot with a picture of vash (trigun stampede) holding a skeletonhand to his face, smiling softly. Partially shaded

Another tiny update
#masterpasta

screenshot of csp with an artwork of vash (trigun stampede) holding a skeleton hand to his face smiling. It is partially shaded, most still flatcolors

I am still going #masterpasta

But like I said before shading is my absolute nightmare and my brain makes knots in itself XD So this is how far I've come. (I know it's like nothing)

screenshot of csp showing a canvas with several blue boxes placed on a grey plane.

Currently my mood is not the best, the heat does the rest. So today I played a little with 2 point perspective to clear my head.
the shadows are yeeted in a second so most likely very off XD

Do any of you have exercises that helps you relax? would be very interesting to know

#art #artstudy

there will be joy for me in art beside anything my narcism takes pride in.
And that does not depend on community because that is something I really struggle to find.
My mental health is very self destructive and to try to reprogram it takes much time.

through. So thank you for your support. And I hope in the future I hope I can find in art again what pulls me so much to it.
Since I have a hard time to get a connection to my own feelings. Especially the positive ones I need time and help to pull through.
So for now I hope that in the future

But I will pull through somehow. Better finished then perfect needs to be my mantra. And in the end I bet I will like it better than I ever thought.
So thank you for everyone to stick around. It really means a lot for me to see you guys engaging.
Because for myself I'll never be able to pull

screenshot of csp. Zoomed in into the former artworks now the bracelet is colored in. the lineart colored at some parts.

Miniupdate for #masterpasta
this took all my energy today.
Coloring is much much harder for me than the other parts. Shading is something I really struggle. And coyping here seems almost impossible. I swear I made the color swatches really on point. But it still looks off XD And I hate it XD

I have not given up on my masterstudy. But the shading part is very hard for me to tackle so it may take some time ><

Havent been feeling Up to much the last days. So no update for now.
The next few days most likely will be silence too since we have some stuff to do at home. Making our bedroom cozy :3

Screenshot of csp. On the canvas an artwork of Vash (trigun stampede) holding a skeleton face to his hand. The background has a warm gradient and the drawing is colored in flat tones. #masterpasta

or chroma but I did make it in the end! And that makes me pretty proud!
Then adding the flat colors made me really doubt if I made a mistake because it looks so different XD But nope. All is good. This is "trust the process"

screenshot of csp showing the edge of a canvas with many dots of colors. #masterpasta

So today I started with colors!
I did NOT colorpick the OG since otherwhise I would have lost a great opportunity.
Instead I guessed the color. Drew over the OG at the corresponding place and adjusted the colors until it matched.
It was not always easy to see if it was off because of hue,value

less pedantic at copying the artwork before, but it was stressing me too much. So I embrace the imperfections :3

screenshot of csp showing a warm gradient and on top the lineart of vash (trigun stampede) holding a skeletonhand to his face, smiling. decorated with lots of tiny flowers

Today in #masterpasta
I finished the first lining! I may will change the thickness of the hair again. I colored them in reddish tones for now since the whole lineart has this underlying warm glow, which makes me guess that red/orange are the most common undertones here.
at the end I was getting

Haha thanks. It's the quality I cultivated most about it.
Doing less clean/steril lineart is hard for me xD

screenshot of clipstudio point. A low opacity sketch of Vash (trigun stampede) holding a skeleton hand to his face and smiling. It's partially lined.

same as before, now zoomed in at one hand, that is lined in a different style than before.

Update for #masterpasta
I still do lineart, so for some time not much to share but same update now and then.
Today I did the one hand in my style (for funsies) because I can't just pass up the opportunity of a hand with a glove. (I really enjoy drawing in the seems QAQ)
#art #wip #studies

it helped immensly. And now I am again at this point and I want to scream and destroy something. Because I want to enjoy doing art. Or at least not hurt all the time.
Anyone any tips?

all over again. Because of this I often thought about stopp doing art at all. But I always come back to it. The urge is always there. And looking at other peoples art makes me feel this intense want. It's like it is part of me. So how to stop? But how to continue?
So I started this and at first

This is exactly the mood that I was trying to avoid with this project.
It's not the most intense version of that yet, but it still is destroying something in me everytime.
FIrst it was only when things didn't work out, but lately it would start the moment I started to draw.
And now it starts

unclear and I never Know when it's gonna improve the situation or make it worse when I push myself. QAQ
Ooooof. I really just want to give into the urge to create without driving myself into selfdustruction is that soo much too ask?

even my mood. My outlook on my art and stuff tinges into negative and I lose motivation to continue.
What is wrong with my brain? How am I going to fix this? Is it the part were I have to push through or give myself a break? Maybe even stopping me?
The line between these two situations are so

it is so fascinating. All the time when I did masterpasta. Even when I did the truly difficult parts. It was always somehow giving me energy. (like I get tired but it didn't trigger anxiety). And now that I do what I know how to do and usually is my favorite part. It drains me. Not only energy but

screenshot of csp from a sketch of vash (trigun stampede) holding a skeleton hand to his face, smiling softly. It has low opacity. Some parts are lined in a dark brown color with full opacity. #art #digitalart #masterstudy #wip

Update from #masterpasta Lineart
I first do it in solid brown and then later I try to color it.
Even though I use the same brush it's hard to copy the existing lineart XD But so far I am at least doing a somewhat ok job :3

For copying the lineart I turned the reference picture black and white.

I can't upload the whole thing here the file would be too big XD So maybe I compress it a little and cut it and upload some parts of it. But that is still far in the future.
Pray for me lineart doesn't beat me.
my brain really cant take the informations from the lineart very good QAQ

#Masterpasta makes me use a brush that differs not only with pressure but with the tilt of the brush (which is pretty nice because it behaves like a real pencil) for the very first time.
I am not used to use a pencil in that way either so I am fumbling a lot XD
the timelaps will be crazy. too bad

want to finish this piece. Because I invested a lot of time and energy in it and I don't want to fail again at the same point I always do.
But I most likely will not be able to add the same amount of adjusting details as I did with the hands.

not a clue how to turn it off X'D
Which is very much the situation I have all the time when making art which I tried to avoid/fix with this study. So I have no idea what the next days will hold for me and my study.
After that color awaits so all the really big hurdles are waiting for me. I really

pasta did.
So this will be my biggest hurdle. Especially emotionally because lineart was always something I took pride in and feeling lost in it is very new and my asshole brain is sending a lot of anxiety my way.
So I basically have to fight doubt and fear with each brushstroke I do and I have

Next up in #masterpasta
is the lineart. Pasta was a real sweatheart and answered my question of which brush was used for the lineart.
But lineart is still something I do very different then it was done in this lineart and even with the same tool it still is very different to use it the same way