wait, the energizer bunny wears blue flip flops?? did we switch timelines again???
The most romantic thing a man has ever done for me was taken my advice and then thanked me because it worked 🫠
do you ever eat something and then imagine it being identified in your stomach by a coroner
🥹
Another lesson I’ve learned from all this is to be more suspicious of friends who are extremely good at staying in touch and taking pictures at every social gathering
Another lesson I’ve learned from all this is to be more suspicious of friends who are extremely good at staying in touch and taking pictures at every social gathering
imagine today being the day that you finally realize trump is a racist
the doomscrolling has never been doomier
I quit :)
I feel personally attacked
“she barely chewed these almonds”
do you ever eat something and then imagine it being identified in your stomach by a coroner
Her #2 is a bootlicker fuck him too
Working on it 😮💨
While gently holding my sister’s chin, she said, “mother, you are a very small lady” (it’s true)
I wish I had control of the schedule. Maybe I’ll just call out next time I’m scheduled with her. And then quit.
My boss was out sick for a couple days and I almost thought I liked my job but now she’s back and I might kms
Making a to-do list. Therapy is #9
I ate it anyway and that was a mistake
It’s my MK Ultra activation phrase
I don’t think it’s working. This egg is ruined
Thawing
I have a frozen boiled egg in my pocket
Dadaism is a world war indicator
Exactly.
Fyi you’re not a “90s kid” if you were born in 1999
I’ll just post shit my 4 y/o niece says bc she’s funnier than me
My niece was watching K-pop Demon Hunters, and when I remarked, “Oh, there’s a boy group, too,” she said, “Those are not boys! Those are guys.”
Those trucks that quack when they back up
I see you, girl
The feminine urge to buy a bunch of used CDs before the Digital End Times befall us
