jordan

Laughing with someone until your tummies hurt is one of the very few things in life that make this existence tolerable

Check out my list on Amazon

www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/...

Will someone be a dear and buy the hangers on my wishlist?!

Sharks, can I have some lunch money?

Laughing with someone until your tummies hurt is one of the very few things in life that make this existence tolerable

Sorry you need snug fit condoms.

she was a “haha” girl and he was an “lol” guy. it just wouldn’t work

Leaf update

When you’re waiting for your middle school son.

Nothing worse for the jig to be than up, imo

a cartoon character with a surprised look on his face stands in front of a door Alt: Stewie of Family Guy locking half a dozen locks on a door.

Looking for mutuals on Discover and ended up hearing about armpit sex before I could even scroll.

Sign me up lol

You never let me do anything, your honor

Now accepting monetary gifts with which to spend on weekend frivolities as my budget doesn’t allow for a single frivolity.

A man’s busted out asshole. A lady’s extra long tiddies. All this and more await you on the discovery tab.

Now accepting monetary gifts with which to spend on weekend frivolities as my budget doesn’t allow for a single frivolity.

What dumb shit and I gonna say or do next?! Your guess is as good as mine!

You get it

Try not to put yourself in a position where you have to say "I'm not actually a Nazi"

2025 is so fucked up it has me nostalgic for 2020 peak covid

I have adhd but I don’t take my prescribed meds because life always being a random adventure is so much more fun.

Going up to every ugly person I see today like, “wow, your Halloween costume is terrifying”.

“Hello” is short for “Hell no”

Its important to be silly because the whole world is stupid

[shudders]

Heaven sounds great until you realize eternity means unlimited small talk.

Here is a feed where people post gift links to walled articles bsky.app/profile/did:...

the only walk of shame i’ve ever done was away from an all you can eat buffet

In the darkest hour, I remind myself things that are always true are still true- like I'm gonna stub my toe on the way to the light

I love my voice lol

Yeah it crapped out. Thawed it all out and vacuumed the coils and it sort of worked again for two weeks but not really and now it’s consistently sitting at 50°