The most annoying thing about going back to working in office is the fucking people
Or billionaires take 20 minute flights across LA
I need $300 to replace my broken Emmy statuette from the before times when I was a journalist working in tv news. Anyone want to sponsor me?
first date idea: we get stuck in a tree while rescuing a kitten (and you are a hot firefighter)
i get it, sweatpants drawstring. sometimes i just wanna go crawl in a hole too.
Negative, ghost rider, the pattern is full.
Keep it moving, Magellan
I need $300 to replace my broken Emmy statuette from the before times when I was a journalist working in tv news. Anyone want to sponsor me?
Person: just circling back
Me: keep circling
Sour cream for everyone
Need a woman I can call supreme leader
Dad, can I have $300?
Chill out bro, I got this
-me, right before everything goes horribly, horribly wrong
Spit my coffee
Getting the supreme car wash because I love sour cream
The best bad Day song
Halal meat next to pork is crazy
Yes :(
I got him another one because it was $200 off at Best Buy. Still $300, though! Thank god for Klarna!
they give black history month the shortest month of the year and steal a hour of precious sleep on women's day. People, we are at war
It’s broken and I’m not an idiot lol
Kid just knocked over his computer monitor and it’s dead. I could cry. They’re so fucking expensive.
don’t forget to destroy your clocks tonight, walk away from your mortgage, just start driving, you’re free
What’s the over/under on how long until a terrorist attack stems from Trump’s illegal war?
Every once in a while, my car has this glitch where it shows me my backup camera while I am, in fact, driving forward
I just know my soulmate out there also never leaving their house.
AHH, spring in the upper Midwest!
Well, the aliens aren't going to fix this.
She really just picks her up from school, escorts her across town for lessons and stuff, and then takes her home. It does make sense honestly I wouldn’t want my 12-year-old riding the train around all over New York either
My niece nannies for a girl who is old enough to have a boyfriend. Manhattanites, you guys are weird.
