Like why are you, as a straight man, stopping to sign autographs for a dude who’s gonna kill you?? www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2026/03...
At a toddler party
Yes
He’s doing war crimes. Not touring with a metal band.
The stereotype that Jews are cheap started when the whole world switched to a new calendar and Jews were like eh, the old one still works.
Trying to decide who the best 90s hockey player was. Call that MarkWayne Mullin'.
*Walking out of Star Wars in 1977*
"Wow, I've never seen anything like that. I can't wait to see the explosion of unique films this inspires!"
*Cut to literally FIFTY years later*
"This is Jabba the Hutt's son Shmaba. He looks just like Jabba but he's holding a knife. Tickets are forty dollars."
Here’s my impression of someone who works their ass off 5 days a week only to have 30% of their paycheck given to a cabal of billionaire pedophiles who use it to enrich themselves and start imperialist wars:
“So I work my ass off five days a week and the government gives 30% of my pay to the poor?”
Was just doing some shopping and noticed that Wayfair has 70% off right now and wanted to let you know
This email looks like the ACLU wants help attacking trans kids
Now that’s he’s passed I can finally tell the story of the time me, the ayatollah, and Dan Cortese got kicked out of the spearmint rhino for sneaking in a bottle of goldschläger, the only liquor the ayatollah will drink.
It’s weirdly satisfying to see all social media become slop for boomers
Y’all this took me 30 seconds to make in the notes app. Hollywood is COOKED!
The baby formula we use says “inspired by breast milk” on the bottle. We know.
With the merger news, I must sadly retire my "If You See Da Cops Warna Brotha" shirt
Shout out to the BAFTAs for creating a perfect situation for me not to weigh in on
This is burger feudalism
*Taylor Sheridan pulling a slot machine arm*
"Ok, we got... Kurt Russell... as a... Fire Chief in... Paducah, Kentucky"
Paramount Exec: Sure whatever, here's $40,000,000.
All of our parents: Prairie of Flames is the best show on TV
Excited to watch this! Congrats man.
Ok FINE, yes, I cheated on you at comicon but BABE, it wasn’t a canon event.
Something about being able to do a Donald Duck voice makes middle aged men think that every child they meet is dying for it to be inflicted on them
*A caveman realizes that scraping charcoal on the wall leaves a residue and immediately draws a crude likeness of a person*
Another caveman watching over his shoulder: "Hollywood is cooked."
I know I’m out of shape because my seven-month-old just grabbed my bicep and started looking for a nipple
Because one is a MAGA Republican and the other is a traditional Republican?
Fox News around the midterms
I remember when comics were like, “holy shit, I booked a Super Bowl commercial!!” and now they’re like, “I auditioned but the part ended up going to Bon Jovi.”
How does Brandi Carlisle keep finding musician twins?
I can’t imagine getting a performance review at work now. Corrupt billionaire pedophiles and rapists control everything and you want to ask what deliverables I’m most proud of?
