Robby Slowik

Now that’s he’s passed I can finally tell the story of the time me, the ayatollah, and Dan Cortese got kicked out of the spearmint rhino for sneaking in a bottle of goldschläger, the only liquor the ayatollah will drink.

It’s weirdly satisfying to see all social media become slop for boomers

Y’all this took me 30 seconds to make in the notes app. Hollywood is COOKED!

The baby formula we use says “inspired by breast milk” on the bottle. We know.

'I drank SIX bottles of wine every day - until something horrific happened' Sean says he was so yellow people told him he looked like a Simpsons character

He ran out of wine?
www.mirror.co.uk/news/health/...

With the merger news, I must sadly retire my "If You See Da Cops Warna Brotha" shirt

Shout out to the BAFTAs for creating a perfect situation for me not to weigh in on

This is burger feudalism

*Taylor Sheridan pulling a slot machine arm*
"Ok, we got... Kurt Russell... as a... Fire Chief in... Paducah, Kentucky"
Paramount Exec: Sure whatever, here's $40,000,000.
All of our parents: Prairie of Flames is the best show on TV

Excited to watch this! Congrats man.

Ok FINE, yes, I cheated on you at comicon but BABE, it wasn’t a canon event.

Something about being able to do a Donald Duck voice makes middle aged men think that every child they meet is dying for it to be inflicted on them

*A caveman realizes that scraping charcoal on the wall leaves a residue and immediately draws a crude likeness of a person*

Another caveman watching over his shoulder: "Hollywood is cooked."

I know I’m out of shape because my seven-month-old just grabbed my bicep and started looking for a nipple

Because one is a MAGA Republican and the other is a traditional Republican?

Fox News around the midterms

I remember when comics were like, “holy shit, I booked a Super Bowl commercial!!” and now they’re like, “I auditioned but the part ended up going to Bon Jovi.”

How does Brandi Carlisle keep finding musician twins?

I can’t imagine getting a performance review at work now. Corrupt billionaire pedophiles and rapists control everything and you want to ask what deliverables I’m most proud of?

Harrison Ford Loves ‘Shrinking’ So Much It Would Be a “Sufficient” Way to End His Extensive Career The iconic actor appeared on a panel during Apple TV’s press day in Santa Monica where he opened up on his love for the show and his admiration for new co-star Michael J. Fox.

Amazing headline if you don't know it's the name of a show
www.hollywoodreporter.com/tv/tv-news/h...

It's kinda funny that Sarah Ferguson married the biggest creep on earth before she met his friend, a somehow even bigger creep, and was like, "I love you, marry me."

Millions of documents implicating the richest and most powerful people in the world in a global pedophilia/espionage/currency destabilization ring need to be parsed by journalists.

Jeff Bezos (one of the richest and most powerful people): I have decided to fire the journalists.

Democracy dies in darkness (now watch me usher in the darkness)

Minimizing the window where I read about how our world is a joke and we're at the mercy of megalomaniacal evil perverts. Logging on to the work zoom. "Heyyyy I'm good! How are you?"

Maybe if we spell it guillo-teen they'll willingly stick their heads in it

He would have made one for all of us if we had just elected him

A sequel to Children of Men called Adult Sons of Men

The thing about Twizzlers is you have to get so far in the chewing process before your brain accepts them as food

James Cameron approaching the whiteboard in a room full of executives:
Melania$