Town Guard

The Missus may be an adherent to the Dawnflower, but I am saying that Milani raises a lot of good points about how to deal with slavers and tyrants.

Oh, excellent suggestion!

Were I a designer of security (and I'm not), I would simply put intricate puzzles in the castle, deathly traps, and eternal golems in the basement. All leading to a door that needs several different jeweled keys to open.

Then I'd hide the treasury in some other, unrelated, locked room.

Adventurers broke into the castle again. Not ropes, or grappling hooks or anything. Just teleported.

Perchance I do, but I still remain that the miasthma driven away by our noble trash-removers prevents the disharmony of the humors.

I pray good health and much fortune to our local muckmen.

The works of a doctor may cure disease, but the thankless work of the kobolds who haul muck and trash out of town prevent many such diseases in the first place.

Adventurers sayeth: "and that's mine tragic backstory"

Perchance thou needeth a therapist, not a quest?

Oh, please do!

Sorry, the missus wouldn't approve of I straying from our wedding vows.

What a joy it is to live wherein new spices can be purchased and delighted upon in all manner of culinary art.

Alas, mine constitution is not accustomed to many of them, and it rends mine guts in a twist.

Such is give - and - take of life.

Not very filling, I'd wager.

Just saw some bloke eat a dragon's soul, then the wings of a butterfly, and then three entire cheese wheels.

I slept like death itself had taken me. What wonder!

"oh mine ancestors were royalty"
"oh mine married a prince"

And yet, here thou art, without a castle.

When I was a youth, I was deeply unhappy. I crashed through life like a ship in rough shallows.

I spake thus, for those who feel as a stranger haunting their own lives.

I know few words shan't overcome wounds of the heart. But it may change their week. And enough good weeks may yet let them heal.

Know this: the world, in its imperfect beauty, oft places a yoke upon us that we feel we cannot bear. We worry we shall crumple, undeserving, because of the weight.

But I tell you this: you deserve dignity. You, by right of your birth, deserve safety and rest. You are no less for seeking them.

Good soup makes for a good evening, I'd say.

Can't say I've seen adventurers ever pay tax.

Fie! I've not prepared a gift for the Missus! She'll have my head!

Nay, I've not heard of Icewind Dale. Doth he know FireStillAir Steve?

Aye, twice the business for him and the funerary.

Thou speak such wisdom

I'll never understand why anyone would choose to duel with daggers. The loser bled out upon the cobblestone, and the winner bled out before he couldst meet a surgeon.

*striketh the hurdy gurdy*
"Ayyye"

Maybe oneday the madness will take me, and I won't have to get up for morning shift.

What? Say it be not so???

I must be the marshal of a donkey stable, the way the noble court hath been riding mine ass.

Aye...? Sleep, purest sleep?

I've seen a wizard cast dominate monster on a man's own skeleton. It was a terrifying thing.

News of uncertain kind, I forgot to dilute into water and now mine head swims without input of mine mind.