Jackie Lee

Show me where in Tolkien’s works that he said Gandalf had big naturals

Gandalf has big naturals??

“Plank til failure” this and “sit ups til I fail” that well I fail constantly every day and nobody’s getting aroused by me

Y’know sometimes my suicidal ideation has a point

Me: “I’m finally gonna kill you, you son of a bitch. You’re gonna pay for everything you did to me.”

The Pillsbury Dough Boy, a gun to the back of his head: *chuckles*

Your honor I’d love to be held in contempt of court tbh anybody here can hold me

On my deathbed: “I wish I barked more”

Jackie your jawline too pronounced. Your voice too clocky. Your cum too salty. Your cock too long. They’ll kill you girl.

Hurt Patterns first show tonight @ the Aquarium 10:00pm

To be mtf is to have Caramelldansen stuck in your head at all times

To be ftm is to have One Last Breath stuck in your head at all times

Italian dick inside me call that pennetration

Apologies for my happiness I am an idiot and I forgot that I exist to suffer. Unfortunately it will happen again.

Not the clerb but close enough

Fuck it’s so adorable

Call me Josh Groban the way she raise me up

Victoria’s Secret is that she has a cock and ballz

Iron Lung but instead of blood Mark’s submarine fills with cum

PUPPYBOWL BB LET’S GOOO

Advanced post ^

Nooooo ooooooone
Fucks like Gaston
Gluck gluck glucks like Gaston
No one makes me sit down and get cucked like Gaston

I got twelve inches, call me fruit by the foot
Only fuckin dudes, bitches stay put

Rodney Dangerfield if he married an alt baddie: “My wife tells me she’s gettin’ plugs in her ears. If ya ask me they’re pluggin’ the wrong hole”

I believe in our lord and savior Joe Hendry

My music? Nowhere.
Latest single? Scratched.
Most recent EP? Deleted.
Album release date? Never.

Call me a furry one more time and I will fashion a flute from your femur

Nyeeeeeeah… post-op, Doc?

You mean jizzmaster right

Uh yeah I’m “locked in” if by “locked in” you mean “in a cage.”
Unrelated: Ruff.

I can’t play the Lonesome Road DLC in New Vegas anymore cuz once Ulysses starts talking about the Bear and the Bull I get way too horny

My friend who just got his license doing 86 on the highway: “wow you are all at my mercy”