Alexander Sparrow

Great time doing 10 mins at Tank Bar, Warrington for GAG Masters Comedy Nights - thanks Gill Gee for the spot and Katie for the photo. Looking forward to the next one!

I'm performing in Stoke-on-Trent tonight and Warrington tomorrow!

100% NZ finalists at Small and Shouty Comedy Club's gong show in Blackpool tonight! Managed to beat Pat Goldsack and take the win 🏆. Will be back for an opening set on a pro lineup later in in 2025. Cheers Michael Carmichael for the photo.

10 mins yesterday at Navigation Inn, Nottingham for Funny Sods. Here's half the lineup, cheers Ben Davis for the spot!

Tuesday last week, did a 10-min set at Spitfire Comedy, Stoke-on-Trent. Cheers Kimberly Maberly for the spot and Andrew for the photo!

On Saturday, Katie and I joined a roast at Inside No. 9 as part of the Leicester Comedy Festival - only couple on the bill, had a blast closing the night. Cheers Zayne Fulat for the spot and Caleb for the photo!

Last Tuesday I MCed at Spitfire Comedy, Stoke-on-Trent. Great night, thanks Kimberly Maberly for the spot - looking forward to my 10 min set tomorrow night!

On Tuesday I did new material at Spitfire Comedy, Stoke-on-Trent - cheers Richard Clowes for the photo and Kimberly Maberly for the spot! Great to gig again with Ryan Woods too.

If a woodchuck could chuck wood, it would chuck 700lbs of it per day. And if a head louse could give head . . .

Apparently the most painful place to be stung by a bee is inside the nostril - unless you have either a) a ballsack, or b) eyes.

You lose enough dead skin cells in a lifetime to fill a 16kg bag - but that's just what you lose! Wait till you see the skin I've KEPT!

Want to become a stronger joke writer? Lift some weights.

Most toilets have an aggressive vibe, which makes sense - I'd be aggressive too if people kept shitting in my mouth.

Dolphins shed the top layer of their skin every two hours. Dude. Head & Shoulders cures 99.9% of dandruff.

Joseph Goebbels, the Nazi Minister for Propaganda, was the same height as Lindsay Lohan. However, she auditioned better for Mean Girls (which was nearly a VERY different movie).

Dormice are technically not mice. They are doors.

(Photo by Fabrizio Moglia / Getty Images)

At my gym, I have not one, but TWO trainers. Much better for my feet.

A newborn giant panda weighs the same as a cup of tea, but is much harder to dip a biscuit in.

Camel urine is as thick as syrup, but only half as good on ice cream. OR SO I'VE HEARD.

Last night I gigged with Kimberly Maberly and Kaye Sirrah, as well as MC/producer Cheryl Weston, Harry Ford, Jack Wood, Rex Purnell, and headliner Alex Mitchell at Comedy and Curry Night, Stoke-on-Trent's The Old House at Home. Great night, fun gig!

Sheep in mazes tend to turn left. Sheep in corns tend to have sore feet.

Charlie Chaplin had sex with 2,000 women, which is crazy. I reckon I could manage two at once, max.

'Cheiloscopy' is the study of lip-prints, and can be used to solve crimes. Now, when my girlfriend burgles a house, she doesn't kiss or sit on ANYTHING.

Ever been to a mobile library? Pointless. Who only needs a phone for a week?

The word 'fizzle' used to mean, 'fart without making a noise.' Honestly, I heard that, and I was absolutely fizzling.

Penicillin was originally called 'Mould Juice.' Sales, admittedly, were poor.

Bees can fly higher than Mt Everest, which can't fly at all.

Cows only have bottom teeth, so who knows what their mouths are for.

A female butterfly has a second stomach attached to her vagina. Nice.

My trainer is as personal as it gets... really targeted with his insults and hurting my feelings.