Vols just won against Mississippi state the way my boyfriend cums on antidepressants
28.09.2025 00:10 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
*first time trying stand up*
"what does Quentin Tarantino and Kitty Pryde have in common? they both have two feet and fucking love dropping a hard R"
*tomatoes immediately thrown at me, I am pulled off the stage with a hook looney tunes style*
11.09.2025 16:25 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
God i hope he's dead
10.09.2025 19:20 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
for additional context the cosplay I dyed my hair orange for is guy gardner
09.09.2025 21:41 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
should have never dyed my hair orange for a cosplay now this shit is talking to me like venom and slowly turning me into guy gardner
09.09.2025 21:41 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0
living in the south means you're so used to witnessing the duality of man on such a daily basis you're almost completely desensitized to it
19.07.2025 03:02 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
a diet coke is a fridge Marlboro light and a coke zero is a fridge Camel Red
16.07.2025 11:21 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
why did my dentist intake paperwork ask me if I have autism like, specifically? there were no other boxes for other neurodivergent conditions??? nice to meet you mr dentist sir I am in fact on the spectrum but I'm also a lotta other stuff you didn't even ask me about
14.07.2025 19:02 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
if Dan Parent ever dies I'll kill myself immediately
13.07.2025 20:05 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
*sigh* I should call him...
11.07.2025 16:57 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
UPDATE whoever left this open trailer of furniture in the Applebee's parking lot tonight THANK YOU bc i just got laid cause of you
05.07.2025 02:04 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
sometimes I like to think of myself as an irl sookie stackhouse except instead of telepathy I just have autistic pattern recognition skills and instead of having a particular sexual penchant for vampires I'm just really into fucking old guys
05.07.2025 01:29 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
I'd be sucking dick in the Applebee's bathroom tonight if America wasn't so fucked up
05.07.2025 01:26 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0
