Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

It's too bad he wouldn't answer your question

our problems were solved

I'm rebooting Road House (2024) as Road House (2027). Top streamer FaZe Dalton is hired as bouncer for a violent Mario Kart World tournament. But can he clean up the rowdy world of esports without succumbing to the urge that made him kill his player two in a long-ago game of Mario Kart Double Dash?

Yoda has finally been arrested after a record 11 years on the FBI's most wanted list. He is still facing arraignment in St Louis before being extradited back to San Diego, and the DOJ is giving every indication they will be seeking the death penalty. Yoda is represented by Alan Dershowitz.

LUKE: What do you think it would be like, R2? To drill Master Yoda in his green old ass?
R2-D2: 🎵🎶🎵🎵
LUKE: You're right. And doing that crazy puppet face. Making his Miss Piggy sounds.
R2-D2: 🎶🎵—
(knocking on wall)
YODA: hear you both through wall I can

🎈 pinning this for later

you can mute accounts from the ... menu on individual posts and the surrounding options are less dangerous

All I've got round here for supper until the deadly row clears up is tinned spaghetti hoops but at least it's only 20p!

Hullo, luv. There's been a stabbing at the Tesco. Stay safe xoxo Mum

I'm rebooting Road House (2024) as Road House (2027). Top streamer FaZe Dalton is hired as bouncer for a violent Mario Kart World tournament. But can he clean up the rowdy world of esports without succumbing to the urge that made him kill his player two in a long-ago game of Mario Kart Double Dash?

take it up with youtube not me!

"the wind from the north
rattles snow off the—"

"Jesus Christ read about ANOTHER WIND"

You can say whatever you want. But first I'm gonna watch you dance

👢 🔫😎
👢💥
💥

True classics never age

Cinnamon was the first to kerplow 😔

Hey, buddy, I've got to tell you something serious unfortunately. Some bad news. Today, all of your pets burst. They got swollen up really big and then they popped. Charlie and Cinnamon and Oreo and all of them. They're not coming back. Do you understand what that means?

Carrying one of those half torso sex toys of a huge silly jiggling ass on the bus, but I'm not fucking it. Eyes to the front. Leave me alone.

If Hagrid ever told me "you're a wizard Harry" I would not hesitate to fire two warning shots into the wall behind him. Crawl your ungroomed ass back under whatever hill you burrowed out of. Lucky I let you off easy instead of sticking this muzzle in that nasty tangle of trash you call a face.

Check it out

All US flags to fly at half mast today. DC Animal Control were called into a backyard where vice president JD Vance was reported as moving around erratically in daytime and was discovered chewing through the side of a green garden hose. The staff carried out their duty and resolved the situation.

Honestly? Personally? I think Meghan Markle's real name is Meghan Michael. And you know I wouldn't fuck around with you about that.

Hey

😱 I didn't get him anything!!

👥 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗮𝗱𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗺𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄

The children in the first picture are escaping a juvenile detention center for violent offenders through its sewer system. The children in the second picture are using GeniusApp: the app that turns you into a genius.

Carrying one of those half torso sex toys of a huge silly jiggling ass on the bus, but I'm not fucking it. Eyes to the front. Leave me alone.

I did a performance art piece titled The Joker Is Present when I walked into an art g allery and pointed a loaded gun at the audience

True classics never age

I'm paying attention to the lyrics of Dancing in the Dark for the first time and in "I'm dying for some action / I need a love reaction / this gun's for hire / even if we're just dancing in the dark", "a love reaction" is a very funny phrase to get across "I just need to toss my nutt and leave"

Fleetwood Mac's "Rumours" is considered one of the greatest rock albums of all time, which is bullshit. The songs are just about fucking the guitarist. If they were serious, they would put actual rumors in the song titles, like naming their lead single "Christine McVie Was Born With A Pig's Tail".