Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

dead dog on rainbow bridge

Things are hard. The world is cold. The news is dark. But at least they're making a video game where you can live out your fantasy of being a dead pet dog . On Nintendo switch two

let that ink in!

Patreon Congrats mike, you're now a member of The Outfit

Look how easy it's always been to become a made man. Could be you!

Would be a real shame if I found out you weren't subscribing to the Outfit patreon. Who knows in such a case if I could still guarantee your personal safety. Got it?

Al Capone All-American: Downfall and the Feds Podcast Episode · The Outfit · March 5 · 1h 2m

After 27 episodes of THE OUTFIT, the podcast about how organized crime explains the world, we come to the end of Season 1 & the final episode of "Al Capone All-American," as Al is pursued by his most dangerous foe ever: the IRS. BUT: that's not the big news. podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a...

dry dog wet dog

Always fun to be in the period where Trump says "Kristi was great" and Noem says "Thank you Pres. Trump for great work together" when we all know in less than three days he'll be like "That horrible hag woman. I never even knew her. But I have approved drone strikes on her house. A stupid person."

this post deserves to be presented to you by having an index card moved down word by word with photos taken of your face after every new reveal

it's showing on mine. i think a lot of shit is glitching behind the scenes this week with functionality being slow or outright broke. no idea why ✨

yaaas kwayne

I was standing outside the press conference and got to be the first one to tell Kristi Noem she was fired. She was so taken aback she stumbled onto a big spring behind her that launched her into the ceiling at 7000000mph and now she's making sounds like Goofy as she hurtles ass first into space.

lem and shane from the shield

Kristi Noem will be Special Envoy for The Shield of the Americas

Sen. Markwayne Mullin has died of taking a standardized third grade reading level test. He is expected to be replaced at the Department of Homeland Security by two stray dogs humping.

BrainyQuote Slam Quotes A person gets pushed down; they think they're being 'body-slammed.' There's really not any certain thing - that came from more fake wrestling - you know, 'the body slam,' being picked up in the air and thrown to the ground. It's all in someone's interpretation of what someone thinks a 'body slam' really is. Markwayne Mullin Related Topics Air, Any, Being, Body, Came, Certain, Down, Fake, Gets, Ground, Know, Picked, Pushed, Really, Slam, Someone, Thing, Think, Thinks, Thrown, Up, You

🧠💭

Markwayne is a pseudonym that comes from the word steamboat captains would traditionally call out when they needed a journalist bodyslammed down into the dregs of the Mississippi River.

EVERY WORLD CUISINE: For hundreds of years, we have combined local ingredients into transcendent dishes that reflect our national ethos.

AMERICA: Our only food idea was to stuff as much slaughterhouse floor anus as we could into a big plastic condom. It is the only thing we eat on every holiday.

Wanted to make the announcement on Oscar day but you can’t keep anything under wraps in this industry anymore. Let’s make it official. My next project: Dokoupil

BLUESKY EMPLOYEE: I hope our ugly users are hit by a high speed train.

BLUESKY POSTER: Sir, I run a food bank for coma orphans! Why would you say such a thing?

BLUESKY EMPLOYEE: I hope all the endangered animals on earth die. I hope the sky is choked with black smoke forever.

our userbase is already conspiracy brained enough about our rationale for suspensions without us making it this easy for them to accidentally entrap themselves 😤

Let's get one thing straight. If you hire me to lift Rooney Mara over my head like a circus strongman and throw her over the full length of a banquet buffet, but when I show up it's just Kate Mara and a teensy table in your kitchenette... I'm still tossing her... but I'm not happy about it...

fanta mango

Let's get one thing straight. If you hire me to lift Rooney Mara over my head like a circus strongman and throw her over the full length of a banquet buffet, but when I show up it's just Kate Mara and a teensy table in your kitchenette... I'm still tossing her... but I'm not happy about it...

I played the electrocuted prisoner with a pet mouse Eduard "Del" Delacroix in the feature film "The Green Mile" before sadly passing away from an epileptic seizure in 2003.

1985: Wow, you’re a regular matroyshka doll of incredible qualities!

2005: You’re like a freaking turducken of awesomeness XD

2025: I asked ChatGPT to summarize my feelings for you. I hope you like it :)

“Randy seems to think you have a winning smile, gum disease, hair follicle, and breast.”

Ah, didn't realize I had left comments on. This was not an open invitation for "post pests" to write their little messages on. This is a post free profile, thank you.

We should have a "March Madness" of posters, where they are all voted on by followers in a bracketed tournament, and then, with whoever wins, something happens to them. It will be a normal thing that happens. 😀

Logging into your boyfriend’s YouTube on the big TV:

For You:

Medieval historian ranks stews in cinema

Building a catapult with dirt from my yard

Programming a robot to unwrap KIND Bars

Petite woman can eat the hottest sauce in the world

The real John Wick was an Irish milkman

he's a TACO!

A good strategy for Democrats is to be like "Wow! More hypocrisy from Trump! Whatever happened to the promise of 'America First'? When will you prioritize cleansing the soil of our homeland from the corruption within? When will arbeit finally macht us all frei?"

Remember yesterday when the atlantic said "Pete Buttigieg has an AXE. Now he's normal." I'm thinking back on it with a smile, and what else is smiling across my face, is a great big grin.