Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

JERRY ORBACH: (kneeling at nude body) Looks like his luck stat wasn't the only thing in "debuff".

After so many years of being kidnapped, princess peach bought a pistol for self defense but she is too afraid to pull it on bowser so she just keeps putting it in toads mouth to feel strong and she always tells him "someday I'll do it and no one can stop me"

Video games should reward you every time you play them with a crisp $ 10 Bill

using my psychic powers to read wikipedia without an internet connection and my eyes are rolled back in my head and my nose is gushing blood as I mutter 'citation needed..... citation needed.....' and jerk my head around

After so many years of being kidnapped, princess peach bought a pistol for self defense but she is too afraid to pull it on bowser so she just keeps putting it in toads mouth to feel strong and she always tells him "someday I'll do it and no one can stop me"

musician Gary Numan, born March 8, 1958, aged 68

actor Gary Oldman, born March 21, 1958, aged 67

Happy Gary Retrograde everyone!

The next two weeks are the only two weeks out of the year when Gary Numan is older than Gary Oldman

CHESTER BENNINGTON
(chorus)
I'm Elmo's 𝗗𝗔𝗗
I'm tall and 𝗥𝗘𝗗

MIKE SHINODA
(quietly)
Tall and red all the time still I can't believe the son is mine

— Babe? You're flashing green, the universal color of poison damage. What's wrong??

— Y-you fool . . . Poison is . . . (cough) . . . purple . . . I'm dying of . . . an acid elemental status condition . . *

If you don't get permanently banned off Bluesky the day it happens, how are you even living your life

my spirits are lifted just imagining this

Think about how funny it will be to read the company wide email that you should take the rest of the day off to observe "a period of national mourning" when you know the bosses only need everyone to leave because they won't be able to stop everybody on staff from doing fireball shots at their desk.

James Bond on beach aiming a speargun offscreen

Top Ten James Bond one-liners

#10 Thunderball (1965) - James Bond wastes no time delivering his trademark wit after neatly dispatching a sneaking henchman with a speargun on the beach: “Get fucked, fucker.”

It's not shaping up exactly how I expected, but it's still shaping up 🙌

any social interaction

@cowtoolsdaily.bsky.social doing video content now

Photos from on set of Avengers: Doomsday confirm they're giving Wolverine a botched butt lift where his ass is bruised but crazy juicy. No they're not though. I just need constant attention.

An orange five gallon Home Depot bucket is one of the most sacred things you can give birth into.
- Ted Decker, CEO of "Home Depot"

Shameful that Fox News ran old footage of Trump to cover up for what he was actually up to today: having his pants down in an outhouse that was being dragged behind a Ford F150 like that bungee cord outhouse scene from jackass 3 where steveo threw up from getting outhouse poop in his nose and mouth.

— Babe? You're flashing green, the universal color of poison damage. What's wrong??

— Y-you fool . . . Poison is . . . (cough) . . . purple . . . I'm dying of . . . an acid elemental status condition . . *

AGNES: I bore you a son.
SHAKESPEARE: What shall we name him?
AGNES: Hamnet.
SHAKESPEARE: Let's kill it.
AGNES: Now we will kill "Hamnet".

YOU: Aaggh!! I lost an hour to daylight savings!! My precious sleep schedule!!

ME: (hasn't seen the time in weeks) (casually enjoying my daily breakfast: two Bud Light Lime Straw-Ber-Rita tallboys and half a Chocolate Cupcake Luna bar) Tjhings could be worse . . .

"What if AI was actually—"

Silence. You do not have permission to speak among people. Your god is a website.

Donald must be so jealous that after all this. melania still dropped the bomb of the year! Follow Mike @bsky.social for a smile

HEGSETH: We'll kill every Iranian who moves. Rules of engagement are for weak little pussies

HEGSETH: (same breath) except in this case obviously, when we of course followed them

Reviews of The Wizard of Oz (1939)

Richard Roeper [PRO] ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
The original technicolor fantasia that ...𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦

jen ⭐⭐⭐⭐ ❤️
trippy! 🤯🤩

Bung ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
unrelated but damn my wifes breath STINK wash your teeth godamn
ⓘ 𝑇ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑎𝑙 𝑎𝑐𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑡 𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑒𝑟𝑣𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑖𝑡𝑦 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑎 𝑑𝑒𝑐𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑢𝑠𝑒𝑟 𝑡𝑜 ℎ𝑜𝑛𝑜𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑦.

"What if AI was actually—"

Silence. You do not have permission to speak among people. Your god is a website.

Stuck in a video game? Press up to go forward. idiot.

———
𝑇ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑢𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑢𝑝 5 𝑡𝑖𝑝 𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑑𝑖𝑡𝑠. 𝑌𝑜𝑢 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 -25 𝑡𝑖𝑝 𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑑𝑖𝑡𝑠 𝑟𝑒𝑚𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔. 𝑌𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑏𝑎𝑛𝑘 𝑎𝑐𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑡 ℎ𝑎𝑠 𝑏𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝑏𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑒𝑑 $19.99 𝑝𝑒𝑟 𝑡𝑖𝑝 𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑑𝑟𝑎𝑤𝑛. 𝐻𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑎 𝑃𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑟 𝐺𝑎𝑚𝑒𝑟 𝑑𝑎𝑦!

The only thing sitting on the computer will be me when i snap it in half with my big ass. It is a garbage toy for the landfill. cheers