Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

this post deserves to be presented to you by having an index card moved down word by word with photos taken of your face after every new reveal

it's showing on mine. i think a lot of shit is glitching behind the scenes this week with functionality being slow or outright broke. no idea why ✨

yaaas kwayne

I was standing outside the press conference and got to be the first one to tell Kristi Noem she was fired. She was so taken aback she stumbled onto a big spring behind her that launched her into the ceiling at 7000000mph and now she's making sounds like Goofy as she hurtles ass first into space.

lem and shane from the shield

Kristi Noem will be Special Envoy for The Shield of the Americas

Sen. Markwayne Mullin has died of taking a standardized third grade reading level test. He is expected to be replaced at the Department of Homeland Security by two stray dogs humping.

BrainyQuote Slam Quotes A person gets pushed down; they think they're being 'body-slammed.' There's really not any certain thing - that came from more fake wrestling - you know, 'the body slam,' being picked up in the air and thrown to the ground. It's all in someone's interpretation of what someone thinks a 'body slam' really is. Markwayne Mullin Related Topics Air, Any, Being, Body, Came, Certain, Down, Fake, Gets, Ground, Know, Picked, Pushed, Really, Slam, Someone, Thing, Think, Thinks, Thrown, Up, You

🧠💭

Markwayne is a pseudonym that comes from the word steamboat captains would traditionally call out when they needed a journalist bodyslammed down into the dregs of the Mississippi River.

EVERY WORLD CUISINE: For hundreds of years, we have combined local ingredients into transcendent dishes that reflect our national ethos.

AMERICA: Our only food idea was to stuff as much slaughterhouse floor anus as we could into a big plastic condom. It is the only thing we eat on every holiday.

Wanted to make the announcement on Oscar day but you can’t keep anything under wraps in this industry anymore. Let’s make it official. My next project: Dokoupil

BLUESKY EMPLOYEE: I hope our ugly users are hit by a high speed train.

BLUESKY POSTER: Sir, I run a food bank for coma orphans! Why would you say such a thing?

BLUESKY EMPLOYEE: I hope all the endangered animals on earth die. I hope the sky is choked with black smoke forever.

our userbase is already conspiracy brained enough about our rationale for suspensions without us making it this easy for them to accidentally entrap themselves 😤

Let's get one thing straight. If you hire me to lift Rooney Mara over my head like a circus strongman and throw her over the full length of a banquet buffet, but when I show up it's just Kate Mara and a teensy table in your kitchenette... I'm still tossing her... but I'm not happy about it...

fanta mango

Let's get one thing straight. If you hire me to lift Rooney Mara over my head like a circus strongman and throw her over the full length of a banquet buffet, but when I show up it's just Kate Mara and a teensy table in your kitchenette... I'm still tossing her... but I'm not happy about it...

I played the electrocuted prisoner with a pet mouse Eduard "Del" Delacroix in the feature film "The Green Mile" before sadly passing away from an epileptic seizure in 2003.

1985: Wow, you’re a regular matroyshka doll of incredible qualities!

2005: You’re like a freaking turducken of awesomeness XD

2025: I asked ChatGPT to summarize my feelings for you. I hope you like it :)

“Randy seems to think you have a winning smile, gum disease, hair follicle, and breast.”

Ah, didn't realize I had left comments on. This was not an open invitation for "post pests" to write their little messages on. This is a post free profile, thank you.

We should have a "March Madness" of posters, where they are all voted on by followers in a bracketed tournament, and then, with whoever wins, something happens to them. It will be a normal thing that happens. 😀

Logging into your boyfriend’s YouTube on the big TV:

For You:

Medieval historian ranks stews in cinema

Building a catapult with dirt from my yard

Programming a robot to unwrap KIND Bars

Petite woman can eat the hottest sauce in the world

The real John Wick was an Irish milkman

he's a TACO!

A good strategy for Democrats is to be like "Wow! More hypocrisy from Trump! Whatever happened to the promise of 'America First'? When will you prioritize cleansing the soil of our homeland from the corruption within? When will arbeit finally macht us all frei?"

Remember yesterday when the atlantic said "Pete Buttigieg has an AXE. Now he's normal." I'm thinking back on it with a smile, and what else is smiling across my face, is a great big grin.

(DIVES BETWEEN HER AND THE STRIKES JUST IN TIME)

turn your monitor on

james gunn cancelled and reimagined the entire phase 2 of his new movie universe on the strength of my chaselon solo feature spec script

y-you wouldn't hit a guy in jack off glasses would ya?!

Why ‪@why.bsky.team‬ Until December of last year I was using LLMs as fancy autocomplete for coding. It was nice for scaffolding out boilerplate, or giving me a gut check on some things, or banging out some boring routine stuff. In the past two months Claude has written about 99% of my code. Things are changing. Fast

in case you ever wondered why bsky breaks all the fuckin time and is increasingly a pile of jank

bsky.app/profile/why....

GREER ON GNASHING SPREE: Hollywood Darling Judy Greer Lashes Out With Teeth

"See here: I bear the mark of Greer." — one bitten victim