Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Been dragging a Little Library by my tow hitch so every speed bump delivers the gift of literature to a future reader at the wheel. Womp! A Walk to Remember by Nicholas Sparks. Womp! Gerald's Game, Stephen King. Womp! Huge jackpot straight through your windshield: a second Sparks and a Jodi Picoult!

"look dude this is your beebo" going crazy on the breast with two forks

saw 1 🖕🖕🖕

The only good part of weddings is the speech where the groom's mom says "We all know how much your Beebo would love to be here, except she was torn apart by wild dogs. So a toast for those of us who turned into food for animals." as everyone else stares into their harvest risotto with broccoli rabe.

Just saw a nasty word written in the world. It was SHIT. They wrote it on the wall in big letters and everything. Some people need to use their brains. Anyone, even a child, could read that word and the image of warm, brown shit would be in their heads. Disgusting! Not to mention the infamous smell.

Been dragging a Little Library by my tow hitch so every speed bump delivers the gift of literature to a future reader at the wheel. Womp! A Walk to Remember by Nicholas Sparks. Womp! Gerald's Game, Stephen King. Womp! Huge jackpot straight through your windshield: a second Sparks and a Jodi Picoult!

Just saw a nasty word written in the world. It was SHIT. They wrote it on the wall in big letters and everything. Some people need to use their brains. Anyone, even a child, could read that word and the image of warm, brown shit would be in their heads. Disgusting! Not to mention the infamous smell.

Try it out, it's ez

Hope the mule blew sky high too

At least they cost as much as owning a small house

You know that I haven't seen in months? A fucking cybertruck. Fingers crossed they all went blooey.

YouTube video by Tim McGraw Official Videos Tim McGraw - Live Like You Were Dying (Official Music Video)

This really made me open my eyes and think about many things. Please consider giving it a listen, and really paying close attention to the lyrics. Oh and before I forget, have a great 10 out of 10 rest of your day.

they had to stop the haircut I was getting because I was tearing up

Written Prompts (3) The one thing you should know about me is I played the harp on the 1998 Monica/Brandy duet "The Boy is Mine" One thing I'll never do again Play the harp flawlessly during an intense showdown between two of R&B's biggest stars My biggest date fail A double date with Brandy and Monica that turned out to be an intervention demanding I stop taking credit for play...

My biggest date fail A double date with Brandy and Monica that turned out to be an intervention demanding I stop taking credit for playing the harp on "The Boy is Mine" ok brag much?? you have mentioned that just a few times

enjoying the fact that someone somewhere has been wandering around thinking this is true

Michael Jackson, the singer who rose to become "The King of Pop", has died in Los Angeles, California.

drawing your blood? yeah maybe with one of these

getting my ass fitted for a kicking at the boot store. the lady said i have a natural size 12 internal capacity.

It's a Canadian store 🤷‍♂️

he can't even get it right, it's gold lol

Reminds me of this potted plant and dildo store

Ladies and gentlemen, after the bride and groom have their first dance to "Streets of Philadelphia", we will have a daddy-daughter dance with the bride and her father to "Streets of Philadelphia". Afterward, please join us on the dance floor for four hours of "Streets of Philadelphia".

ME: (pulls up to gated community not nervous)
GUARD: Evening, Mr. Mike! Not with your celebrity wife, the singer Sheryl Crow, again?
ME: Sheryl's not feeling well, Reggie, so I'm picking up the kids to take them to my mom's. Please have the gate open when I pass back through. I'm allowed to do this.

[doctor coming to brief my family in the waiting room]

He's awake and posting.

Tragic news, as Hall Oates has killed his wife, John Oates. The murder ends both their sexually electric marriage and their business partnership making annoying music.

My captors dropped a Barbie into my cell as "enrichment" but I'm already done brushing her hair with my dirty fingers so sighing passive aggressively to show them I'm already bored again.

getting my ass fitted for a kicking at the boot store. the lady said i have a natural size 12 internal capacity.

Sad news but I'm shutting down my amateur pornography site eyelessmilfhunter․com. It's been very hard to find eyeless MILFs to agree to model for us, and comments online are increasingly pointing out that our current models just squeeze their eyelids shut or hold a hand over their eyes during scenes

ME: (pulls up to gated community not nervous)
GUARD: Evening, Mr. Mike! Not with your celebrity wife, the singer Sheryl Crow, again?
ME: Sheryl's not feeling well, Reggie, so I'm picking up the kids to take them to my mom's. Please have the gate open when I pass back through. I'm allowed to do this.

i'm skibidi, a little boy
sigma in my shoes
when i'm cheugy is my choice
gyatts a boy's supposed to do
the rizzler in me is the rizzler in you
i send ohio over to you

Ladies and gentlemen, after the bride and groom have their first dance to "Streets of Philadelphia", we will have a daddy-daughter dance with the bride and her father to "Streets of Philadelphia". Afterward, please join us on the dance floor for four hours of "Streets of Philadelphia".