Julie Bower

A font named "Black Betty", where every character is an ampersand.

What, and I mean WHAT the everloving fuck....

Just realised it's been 5 years and I still (pretty much) take the Covid safe route round the supermarket.

There's a genuine lack of interest these days in either the origins of Cotton-Eye Joe, or where he went, and that's sad.

So how many front pages do we think this story will be on tomorrow?

A pumpkin is a vegetable and a vegetable does not belong in a coffee. I'm sorry Starbucks but someone had to say it.

Am on holiday and genuinely surprised by how good my Spanish is until I remembered that
1. I don't speak Spanish
2. People are being polite to the middle aged drunk lady.

Ha! Yeah William Goldman's great isn't he 😅

A poem, in four lines. I've called it simply, "the daughter"

I've just verified my age by singing all the lyrics to Scott and Charlene's wedding song.

YEEESSS. I'm, like, literally writing on this and everything. It flipping brilliant. Tell your mum.

You can always tell when my daughter's been in the bathroom. She could fall into a black hole and still manage to locate and stack nine toilet rolls in a neat pyramid.

Well hello there sticky boobsweat
Again it's time to meet
You simply are no use to me
In the summer heat
My head it may need cooling down
My arms may feel the threat
But you really serve no purpose
And you make my bumcrack wet

Apparently Howard Keel is "fit"

Ding ding ding ding!

The 14 yo just asked if we can watch "... the film where the stylish lady fixes up the scruffy woman's house and teaches her to dress nice then she falls in the river and gets her yellow dress muddy." Can anyone guess the film?

Weird thing to gaslight someone about. Unless my husband has some, elaborate, long-con plan and he's starting small.

Have just been informed that I've said "that was a good sandwich that" a total of 4 times in the last hour. Don't even remember saying it once.

Weird to think of a bunch of very wealthy 70 yos voting on assisted dying. These guys must *really* trust their grandkids.

a person is covered in flames in a dark room ALT: a person is covered in flames in a dark room

I always enjoy having a south facing garden during a heatwave.

Honestly I wouldn't want an iron throne if they were giving them away. Uncomfortable, cold and a bastard to move. (My hot GOT take from 2011 there, you're welcome)

We're all genuinely worried about him in our house. He's too invested.

Already planning my night, drunkly roaming the streets yelling "Sweden were robbed!" I don't want to be this guy I can't help how God made me

WITHOUT BLINKING

Love how many singers are in their 50s. Definitely helping keep my dream alive of one day winning #Eurovision.

I don't think anyone knows. I feel like I've just discovered uranium or something.

Cannot express my excitement after I changed the oven light today. Seriously ovens have little bulbs right at the back and you can just change them, you don't even need to call someone.

While cleaning the kitchen today I remembered 8 unrelated stories I wanted to tell my husband, five of which he'd heard before. I tell you what he's a lucky man.

Very proud to have written on Curtis Jobling's Wolf King, now on Netflix. Recommended for kids 7 and up, anyone who enjoys epic fantasy adventures about shapeshifting werelords, and YOU.

Violets are blue
Roses are red