anna melissa 🍒✨

thinking about my neighborhood fruit man that kisses me on the forehead whenever i see him

someone’s tio is out here kissing customers on the forehead 😭😭😭

right. & this one i’m looking at has 5 bathrooms, massive bedrooms, & sleeping accommodations for about 20 people ahhaahahah

what if i just buy a massive yacht & live on it instead of a home? bc you can’t buy a 200k home in LA. but you can get a massive yacht in great condition for that much. 😂😂😂😂

gas so expensive that when i’m sitting in traffic i wanna cry bc it feels like i’m lighting money on fire 😭

made dinner for the fam tonight

lemon roasted chicken, roasted asparagus with crispy capers & leeks, & mashed potatoes

says who?

They were triple teaming him in the backcourt man 💀💀

you ever get extremely sad watching dinosaur documentaries? like imagine how pretty earth was before we had shit like lockheed martin & AI

do you really live in la if you haven’t had to walk through someone filming a dancing tiktok in the middle of erewhon

it’s unfortunate that the first few days of daylight savings has me fighting for my life bc i lost an hour. but i have the will to live again 😭

vietnamese coffee will have you updating your resume

happy international women’s day to everyone except the women that raised my exes. y’all deserve jail time 🩷

you might be onto something 😂

i wonder if during eras where there’s a lot of unrest, if there’s an increase in number of women that get bangs

yk what? you’re right 😂

ngl sometimes i envy married people. not bc i wanna be married but bc there’s added security in a dual income household 🥲

i spend an incredible amount of time thinking about what life would be like if we all just lived on pangea 😂

*takes bow* thank you 😌🥰

please admire my garlic cheesy bread.

this was my first attempt at making bread from scratch. i’m so happy with it lmao.

god doesn’t take your hair if you’re pure of heart.

& if he does & you are pure of heart, he makes you hot bald.

no one:
men: “on my substack…”

“the copy is so clear. where’d you learn how to write?”

thanks my parents got a divorce & used me to communicate with each other through passive aggressive bathroom mirror letters my entire childhood. hbu?

i get offended when a platform asks me if i want to use AI when i'm typing something.

like DO YOU NOT THINK I CAN WRITE A COHERENT SENTENCE????!!!!

😭😭😭

how do i get my exes deployed

my clients rn are the easiest people to work with. wow. & they pay every friday. life is good. lmao.

knowing how to cook might actually be the only thing i’ve actually mastered lmaooo

not even my job i get paid for 😂

it’s genuinely such a flex that my mom was such a good cook & taught me all the basics so that now that i’m an adult, whenever i’m craving something, i know how to make it.

of course i got a mosquito bite on my forehead. that feels on brand for me.

if i ever decide to start dating again, i’m gonna put up a chart like this so they know i’m judging them