To anyone who is still subbed, thank you so much! But please stop wasting your money until streams are more consistent and I can provide the quality I used to (or better, that would be nice).
Vintage Story is on hold until the 1.22 stable release, plus mods update/I can do compatibility checks. In the meantime, I'm not really sure what to play.
I'll try to get in more of the short streams, maybe even continue game dev. I'm hoping to be more consistent by April, but we'll see.
It took 2 weeks, 2 entire Sundays. One of which was spent updating Windows Server 2008 R2. But I got Liberum running! It works! @doug.luxem.org Thank you for the FOSS helpdesk software.
Surprise Saturday stream! Doing some Simutrans for a few hours. Just a chill, chatting stream with trains.
www.twitch.tv/multidarksam...
Hey everyone! Going live with more Celeste randomiser! Might beat this today, but we'll see. Not a lot of checks left.
www.twitch.tv/multidarksam...
Hey everyone! Doing more Celeste Archipelago! A good amount has opened up, including all of Core. I expect this will take a couple hours.
www.twitch.tv/multidarksam...
Got dream blocks yesterday, so more Celeste checks in bound! No Vintage Story today.
www.twitch.tv/multidarksam...
That is one heccin cat!
What the actual fuck, Kansas?
Going live with more Celeste rando! Quite a few checks opened up. Likely no Vintage Story later, but we'll see.
www.twitch.tv/multidarksam...
Doing more casual streams this week! Today I joined @drothethedestroyer.bsky.social's community Archipelago, so we'll be doing some checks in Celeste. Might do a bit of Vintage Story afterwards if I get stuck.
www.twitch.tv/multidarksam...
Last week didn't go to plan, but I do feel much better today. Drothe started his community async Archipelago today, so I'll be streaming a bit of Celeste randomiser and maybe some Vintage Story afterwards.
Hey everyone, doing a bit of a casual Vintage Story stream. Just a couple hours.
www.twitch.tv/multidarksam...
Depending how I feel next week, I'm considering doing some shorter Vintage Story streams next week. Maybe 2-4 hours, just hanging out. No redeems, no facecam, no intro. Just playing a bit of Vintage Story.
I really didn't expect to need this much time off. I've gotta say, my mental health hasn't really improved at all. I kinda miss streaming, but I don't think I'm ready yet.
On the upside, work has started on the new avatar. Hopefully I'll feel better when it's finished.
This change gives me more freedom to express myself as I feel rather than as I am. And yes, the dysphoria has gotten worse over the past year. I'm not upset I came out, but it's pushed it to the front of my mind more. Ultimately, this is a good thing; I'm not suppressing myself.
On a similar note, I've been wanting to get into using an avatar instead of a facecam for a while. In part, it allows me to get a more gender-affirming representation of myself. But also because I frequently find myself not wanting to be on camera but feeling forced to, because it's become expected.
I'm on the fence about when to return to streaming. Right now I'm working with a couple artists to discuss the possibilities of making a VTuber/PNGTuber avatar. Depending on where this goes, I may return once the avatar is completed.
My weekend: snow! More snow! No water. No furnace. Water! Still no furnace.
I did play some Space Engineers. It runs horribly, even without all the mods I usually play with. Would be a fun game if the performance didn't keep fluctuating between unplayable and decent...
A close friend of mine bought a commission for my birthday, and today I got to see the final result! It's so pretty!
I'm finding it difficult to disengage. Things here are rough, and I don't want to be caught off guard. Balancing being informed without being overwhelmed with negativity is a skill I never thought I would need...
Finally found the motivation to do *something*. It's not much, but at least I'm not just sitting at my computer watching videos and distracting myself. Instead I'm sitting at my computer watching videos and practising Blender. It's time I get back into 3D modelling.
I want to be there for people, to give them a safe place to escape from the horrors surrounding us. But I'm not in a position to do that right now. I'm barely holding myself together. If I could go live and just chat I would.
I don't know if I'm taking a short break from streaming at this time. There isn't a stream today, I'll post when I next decide to go live. I think I just need some time to process my emotions and figure out what I can do. I hate to take time off, especially now.
Inside I just want to be mad, but that's no use if I can't direct it towards something productive. I feel helpless, hopeless, and in many ways useless. I have nothing but words to contribute, and I'm terrible with words.
And with everything going on in this shithole of a country, I don't have the energy left to keep myself composed and somewhat sensible. Let alone the energy to multitask. Trying to focus on code, keep up with conversations, and keep my emotions in check... It's a lot.
It's not that I don't *want* to stream. It's that there's so much stress all around me and I feel like I can't provide the safe, supportive space that I want to. It's not easy for me, I have to focus so hard to express myself in a way that doesn't get misinterpreted.
I went into 2026 fairly optimistic. New, full-time schedule. Lots of game ideas. Even had some good momentum on the first week! But as always I failed to account for something very important: the world is still shit and it sucks all energy and motivation from people.
More game development! Today we are implementing the filesystem support! If there's time, we may even get to updating the debug display to show the file system!
www.twitch.tv/multidarksam...
We're live again! A bit late today, did a lot of work on the game's logic structure documentation. Spent more time than I should have finishing the draft. But today we're getting into the process backend and potentially file systems! Then it's back to Skyformer!
www.twitch.tv/multidarksam...
