apollyon

no more vanessa i feel like i'm going through withdrawal

i just want to hold onto someone and to keep petting their hair and kiss their worries away.

i wish i had someone to talk to without bothering them.

i feel incredibly lonely without my cats to hold onto

i hate feeling so powerless and useless in a romantic relationship

having everything done for me or having the kitchen or vacuum taken away to let me "relax" makes me feel like i'm not doing things right

i feel like an adornment.

why am i such an embarrassment i can't let my daughter try to comfort me over losing the cats she's only 8. i'm so sorry for being weak.

i'm never allowed to be happy i hate this

i'm a whore for the wife what of it

i'm too fuckin tired to deny it i need love bites on my neck and shoulders as i have my shirt slowly pulled down to be kissed all over by a dominating older lady to remind me that i'm her woman to love and cherish and to be engaged to

what a terrible night from my father but at least mgs2 salvaged it

now i remember why i can't let go of vanessa

it's aching in the middle of the night...

it's calling... calling your name...

paradox of wanting to be held and be taken care of with tons of healing kisses and cuddles but also wanting to be the anchor of the relationship and be strong for the both of us

i miss being called a good girl

i don't want to be adorned, i don't want to be worshipped. i don't want to be an object of adornment, i don't want to have a benefits relationship.

i just want a friend to hold onto and cry in her shoulder when it's too much.

i let them go from being burned, i got rejected, i had to turn down for mental health reasons

and still i am ignored. i don't understand i keep giving and giving for my daughter and my friends and yet, i don't have a friend to rely on like how i am reliable.

maybe i'll give up on women

i hate doing the right thing every time why do i have a conscious that tells me to be the hero, be the friend, be the selfless one

i wish i can just undo what i did

it would be nice to be held and comforted.

i feel stupid for insisting that we couldn't have worked out without giving her a chance, at our lowest points in our romantic lives

i miss the times when we'd talk for hours on end but the conversation seems to cut short now

i think my purpose is dwindling.

i feel afraid to talk to my friends in relationships

i feel like i'm a nuissance to their happiness

i'm going to be 30 and i'll have no one to love me. i don't want my baby to grow up. please. make time slower. i need her.

i'm afraid of that ethical line being crossed. it terrifies me. i've been played with like that. i never want to perpetuate that cycle being a victim of it.

am i going to be one? i don't want to threaten any relationship. i deserve never to insert myself into what isn't meant for me. i never want what isn't mine. i should never.

realizing that 3 times i fell for women that were caught up in their own situationships and had their partners they wanted in their lives without me knowing until my feelings developed god i feel horrible

having a nightmare about letting a homewrecker into my life isn't helping either

i do not have the energy to work

it's alright i'm over it now
cats had me over, it was nice

and i can't afford a therapist. i just want someone to come home to. where i can feel safe. who'll hold me in their arms and never let go. i don't want to pretend to be a man. i don't want to hold up a tough facade. i don't want to do this anymore.