Dragon Diaries

Ated the delivery guy again. Feel a little bad about it, honestly. It's not his fault that my overseas shipment arrived with a hundred and thirty percent tariffs and duties markup. Oh well, he was pretty tasty.

Still haven't gone south for the winter. Probably because the south seems to be coming north for the winter. 80ºf in October…too many salamanders in the atmosphere, I guess.

Have you ever looked at my tail? I mean, really looked at it? It's magnificent, a tail for the age, honestly, and…dammit, I think I added Cat's powdered nip concentrate to my coffee instead of creamer again.

Got my minimum infusion of 300 gallons of coffee. Now, contemplating getting off the horde and…you know what? Fuck that. Bring me more coffee and plate of dwarf sausage and fried roc eggs.

It’s being a Monday. First, coffee. _Then,_ marauding. Have ordered a tanker truck full. Wake me when they get here.

Cat has made an interesting suggestion, cake dioramas. So, great library of Alexandria, but made of cake. Intriguing, but neither of us likes cake. Perhaps sausages… Need to consider…also, need sausages.

Sometimes you can only say it in your native tongue, so; GROWR SRRRAGH FRARH *steam hiss* ROOOWR HRAGRRRRR *jetting flames* GRORRWRRRR!*


This message brought to you by the hammer I hit my tail with, AKA Slag the Destroyed.

Thinking about getting back in shape, ovoid or spherical most likely.

Editor: need more 🐱
Me: sure! I’ll paint those tonight
Editor, today: so. The 🐈 are a priority
Me: Yep. 🐈 coming up. Work’s slow tonight

…1 soap malfunction, & 15 phone calls & emails later.

Home. Time to draw.

1 not-🐇1batwinged-stress-out “fuzzy-demon”, 2…c…ats? Sigh
@stephaniezvan.bsky.social

Just realized it’s almost election season for the Enchanted Forest Board again. Am nominating the pointy-faced rainbow horse and heading south for the winter.

Have been offered a gig powering a paddle wheel riverboat casino by some guy calling himself Maverick. Actually considering it. Seems like a nice lazy way to migrate south for the winter, and at the end I get to devourate all the gamblers and make off with the winnings.

Might be time to return to my new diorama hobby. Doing Great Library of Alexandria next. Little known fact; my great great great granddragon, Fafnerius Biblioflamius was the cause of the original fire. Family lore says an unfortunate papyrus allergy caused the tragic sneeze.

Bond, Drake Bond. Of her draconic majesty’s secret service. I’m here for the plans to the Breath Star—a mouth rinse so flammable it will allow an ordinary dragon to actually burn an entire planet! I understand Doctor Steamstoker has solved the reflux capacitor issue?

This time of year really makes me want to spend lazy afternoons curled up on a giant bed of gold with a good book and a box of screaming dwarves—autumn is nesting season.

Tried a new recipe for executive style étouffée. It’s like regular étouffée but you don’t have to remove the spines and crunchy bits from the protein. They’re naturally spineless.

“Did I get it right?

…

I Will be Happy
It Will be Perfect”

(One of the Greats - FATM)

Both sides have good points.

It must be fall, the manticores have started migrating—love the way they roar at each other in their great long vees as they fly past overhead. Could do without what they drop on my patio, of course, but it's offset by the sheer joy of rising to the chase and roasting them midair.

It was a Thursday like any other. Cat and I were lounging on the back patio after devouring a few door to door salesgnomes, when, suddenly: Ennui! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Have been informed it’s not duke season. My informant was himself a duke. He was very confident that it was, in fact, abbot season. The prelate in question was certain it was duke season. There was considerable back and forth. So, I ated them both. Honestly could use more seasoning.

Noticed the leaves are starting to turn and everyone knows what that means: it’s duke season!

Starting a dragon yoga class worked great! Would definitely do it again. I love pretzels! Will need a fresh set of students, of course…

Was told I needed a bit more flexibility in my diet. So, I started a dragon yoga class. It’s a bit like goat yoga, but with a twist at the ending…

Was going to touch grass. Sneezed, now touching huge grassfire. The charred and blackened ground is nice and toasty. Thinking of taking a nap…

So, being a disinhibited giant fire-breathing id monster gives you a certain perspective on conflict and problem solving, and I have never felt less guilty about devouring knights and nobles in job lots. I mean, the peasants aren’t much better, but there’s no marbling to speak of.

Was out hunting knights the old fashioned way—fiery death from above etc. Got a whole cluster around their local feudal overlord. Did you know that baron and bacon are only one letter apart? Also, both are delicious!

Got all the way to the front of the checkout line at Flame and Fleet, and realized I was missing the whole point of knight hunting. It's not about drinking beer in a little hut. It's about wreaking havoc on the countryside and devouring its protectors. Left my cart in the aisle.

Decided on the pub dragoflage. Got the knight stand with fridge, keg, and tap, plus lures and calls. Almost ready to check out. Looking at draconic “blow guns” basically a big funnel with a tube. “Guaranteed to turn the sloppiest flames into a plasma lance.” Seems like overkill.

Almost ready for knight hunting. Got the stand, got the call, got three different princess lures. Next up dragoflage. Do I get the outfit that makes me look like a village, a castle, or a pub? The last one is quite slimming.

Looking at knight lures. Some great synthetic princesses. Very realistic. Also calls, though I’m not sure which would be best: “Rescue Me!” “For Harry, England, and Saint George!” or, the ever popular “Free Beer!”