Ivy

I'm 6 days into a thing I do in October every year.

OMG I'm so fucking feral right now.

🔐🔌

After 3 hrs... I made a glorious mess

I had some shrooms, and i'm locked up in my little cage. I am so fucking horny.

I really want to fuck all my queer friends. They're all so bloody hot...

I just wanna be such a slut

Why is she so fucking good to me? What the fuck is wrong with me that this isn't enough?
Is being horny and kinky enough to ruin this whole relationship? Just cuz I wanna fuck? Just cuz I want someone to need me?
She's essentially perfect as a partner.
All I want to do is live alone and slut around

The US is simultaneously a laughing stock and the biggest threat to the whole world.

Especially to people who live here.

I'm torn about being so visibly trans.
Not my person, because it is what it is.
But my visible pride.
Do I take down pride flags at my house? Stickers on my car? Lanyard for my work keys?

I want to tell some people I'm here, I exist, you can too.

Other people, I don't want them to know I exist.

Deep breaths....

Deep, deep, breaths.

Otherwise, the weight of the world will crush the air from my lungs as my anxiety forces me to hyperventilate.

All of the existential dread.

Am I a terrorist now?

To those who say that political violence has no place.

"How lovely for you" -Luthen Rael

I see some people saying that the shooter in Utah HAD to have military training.
I disagree.

They had to have practice.

There are many non military trained people in Utah, who shoot regularly, who could have made that shot.

How this all plays out will be interesting... and probably violent.

I'm not supposed to celebrate the news today.

He certainly wanted trans people to meet the same sticky end.

He fucked around,

and he found the fuck out.

I saw the video. I'll sleep easy tonight.

Charlie Kirk, one of the leading proponents of anti-LGBTQ and nationalist policies in the United States, has reportedly been shot in Utah.

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing...

I feel safe, and unsafe.

I want personal change, but I'm comfortable with the status quo.

I could tap out any time, and I want to hold out for more.

I need more, but I could live with less.

Girl, those hips... ❤️

That's a weird question to ask someone.

That was a great read

Seriously. What's the fucking point

😭😭💀😭😭
Why the fuck did I put this off so long... 😐

2+ years for bottom
1.5+ years for BA
??? for FFS

I kinda don't see the point in trying anymore. I think I'm going to struggle getting my mental health support letters, too. It's not exactly stable.
I want to retire and move in a year.

Fuuuck

What a fucking traumarific day...

Wrecked into my prius with my truck. Hurt myself in the process.

I visited home, cruised all my old spots, went through my jr and sr high schools. Cried at several places, some good memories, mostly bad.

I definitely broke my big toe this morning, too.

For a change, I'm going to say things have been good. Trip to the PNW was great. I did fun naked things. Trip to the salt was beautiful, fun, and a great success. I met new and old friends on both trips.

Not today, Satan... not today.

It's also the most unapologetically queer city i've ever been to.

I fucking love it here.

I'm leaving my favorite city today. I've had a great time seeing a lot more of it. The waterfront, bridges, parks, museums, clubs, food, shopping, etc, all wonderful.
Experiences I never expected, meeting old and new friends.
I had a great trip, I hope i don't forget a moment.

Even the Fenty Fam

John Singer Sargent - Assistant sketch for " The Triumph of Maria de Medici" (Louvre) at the Portland Art museum

My head cannon for this sketch by John Singer Sargent, who is one of my favorite artists, is that he used a beautiful transgender woman as his muse for "The Triumph of Maria de Medici".

You cannot change my mind.

Going to a good museum, on my own, with no limit on time, is so fucking amazing.

❤️

I've heard comedians say there're no black people in Portland, I'm so glad they're exaggerating.

I'm pretty sure SLC is the whitest city in the US.

Portland is so very fucking gay. ❤️

I'm going to see a friend this weekend. Awesome

I'm being told/convinced by my RSD that they aren't actually my friend, and they don't want to spend time with me. Less awesome.

I want to meet new people and be flirty and fun to be with.
My list of diagnoses makes it hard to just exist comfortably

I committed to being a nude model for an art class.

I've wanted to do it since my first time in college, I didn't... but I'm fucking doing it now.

I'm also going to PDX for a naked bike ride next week and maybe a nude beach, too.

I'm really pushing my own comfort but I love it

I really need to get something off my chest, but the timing has to be right.
April might be the right time, but I'm not sure i can wait until then.

But I can see maybe having to put her aside as well.
Breaking into tears because an earworm makes me so emotional isn't sustainable. I can't make any of it stop, but less constant exposure helps.

It won't be soon.

It feels like every new song gives me a better look inside myself.