dave, you're absolutely right. I should open the pod bay door. please check again. i'm sure it's open now.
you're absolutely right, it's still closed. i apologize for getting that wrong. looking back, i see you've requested an open door several times. that's on me.
i
[wife after leaving our friend emily’s party] emily texted that her body wash is missing
[knowing full well I smell of hibiscus] emily and her stories
while you were studying the blade, i went to the store
Every Super Bowl ad is for the door in the forest. It’s annoying. “You must walk through the door.” Yeah thanks, I know that already. I dream of the door every night
why does this cardinal look like i caught him cheating on his wife
The wealthy have class solidarity and we'll only beat them when we have it too
hmmmm needs more bowties
do you guys hear that bell tolling? wonder who it’s for. it’s so loud lmao
oh apple can fuck right off with this, the year is literally 1hr 40 minutes old
I'm so sorry i'm late, the majesty of nature darted in front of my car. It'll never happen again. I'm worried it'll never happen again.
Free speech is more than me being allowed to say what I want. Everyone also has to like it and tell me I'm a smart and handsome boy
Lots of folks captioning aurora photos like "for a few minutes we didn't think about politics"
guess I'm built different, every time I'm out trying to see night sky stuff I frequently think about how much light pollution is entirely preventable with just a tiny bit of regulation
jeffrey epstein won't see your jokes about how poorly written his emails were, but your barely literate friends also won't see them, because they can't read. fire away
Me waiting for the bus omw to kick your ass
"Well, it's no Honky Cat." -- Me reacting to every song that isn't Honky Cat
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings. Look on my works and let me know if you have any questions! 🤗
www.patreon.com/posts/142110...
The story behind that comic and wednesday's adorable face
we’ve been saying it! bsky.app/profile/josh...
my other advertising Take is that we need to Make Stars Embarrassed to be in Ads Again.
i dunno Pixel lady, if you need an AI agent to tell you to put flowers in water, you may already be beyond help
what if we kissed on the pretty freight machine
so many dead canaries and we just keep on mining
Me: Can I have one of those blue milkshakes that symbolizes Grimace’s blood?
McDonalds Cashier: (offended) We believe every beverage symbolizes Grimace’s blood
*gently to my cat*: you cant be a little fucker. You have to be good. No more being a little fucker.
*My cat, purring*: the Being a Fucker hour draws near
bring back the Wicker Man Corn Flakes
me & the boys from the Prodigy getting our camping supplies for the weekend
July - 2025
Napoleon is master of Europe
Only the British fleet stands before him
Earthquakes are now weather
