Official Cookie Influencer

I always want Panera breakfast too late in the day 😩

While all of these major powers are going crazy over nuclear weapons I bet there’s a demure country out there working on rediscovering Greek fire

Fun Fact: Emilio Esteves was the coach in The Mighty Ducks, not Michael Douglas

It truly infuriates me that the man that would spend 30 minutes a day yelling at me about making him late to work is constantly late to meet me places

I fell for a robot scam :( the future is here!!!

Jason Bourne is a fed. So is Jack Reacher. John Wick? He would never. Liam Neeson’s status is up in the air

Theo Von is FORTY FIVE???

And it was NOT mine

How does one sneak into a conclave? Asking for a friend who remembers some of the Hail Mary and all of the Presbyterian Apostles Creed

Selena Gomez as Alex Russo for ‘Wizards of Waverly Place.’

Selena Gomez’s website showing a sold-out one-of-a-kind wand from ‘Wizards of Waverly Place.’

Selena Gomez has sold Alex Russo’s wand on her website for $4.

People driving Dodge Chargers don’t use turn signals because if you’re behind one you should already expect them to do something dumb as hell

Those old Gushers commercials where kids heads turned to fruit were basically episodes of Black Mirror to me when I was 7

Just a girl, drinking her coffee, thinking everyone should STFU

Does it even matter to anyone that I suddenly have a desperate craving for a CiCi’s dessert pizza?

If I ever escape the South I hope to GOD that she never makes me experience a fake summer again. I went into work looking like a FOOL today

I think it’s almost time for me to watch Girls. Almost. Not quite though

We really get some great work when artists owe people money

Oh well damn then! Someone get on this!

Okay but it is Darren Criss

Don’t doxx me…but this is not living up to what I had in my head

Does reading the recaps of The Secret Life of the American Teenager on school computers because I wasn’t allowed to watch it count?

I need…I need to listen to the Glee version of Losing My Religion

Like people really sold out their neighbors for a carton of eggs…and they didn’t even get the damn eggs

I think it’s taken longer than it should have, and it’s been happening gradually over the last two weeks, but I have fully grasped and accepted that he’s president again and I’m so terrified and angry right now that my head hurts

I want to SO bad but I think it would be a nightmare

Whoever told me to take fiber gummies before bed should be court marshaled. It’s not a life hack!

Some of you don’t have what it takes to be a mother, I’ll just call you out on that now. Me? Well, not to toot my own horn, but I took a big step today and started the adoption process. My Tamagotchi gets here tomorrow :)

Yes!! Maybe what the world really needs is for us to do the worm in tandem

Oh we’re cooked

I think my life started going downhill around the same time I could no longer do the worm