Sorrowscopes

the new york times post captioned “here are the suggested serving sizes of common household supplies that surprised us the most” with a photo of a glob of white goo in the palm of a hand

gotta be another way to do this

If science is so great why do we only have one vegetable on the cob

If God is omniscient that means he knows about clown porn

If babies are so cool how does a 2 foot gate shut down their whole operation? Checkmate, idiots.

Damn, girl. You must be a Blu-ray copy of “Babe: Pig in the City” because I can’t take my eyes off your special features.

In a hotel room, a brick wall that has obviously had a huge hole repaired

Pretty sure the Kool-Aid man stayed in this hotel room once

Pauly Walnuts very seriously telling someone that “it’s called Broad daylight because women light up the world”

international women’s day

When I said I was a bad tennis player I meant evil

These are my jokes. Please don't laugh at them.

THREAD: I got laid off from NYMag/Vulture after 14 years. The family lost 75% of income + medical. Now mzs.press bookstore, once a side project. is do-or-die for Judith & I. I feel weird telling you this because others are doing much worse. But if you could like or share this, we'd be so grateful!

CNN: More than 1,000 civilians killed in Iran since war began, rights group reports By Helen Regan More than 1,000 people, including children, have been killed in Iran since the war began on Saturday, according to US-based Human Rights Activists News Agency (HRANA). The rights group said as of Tuesday afternoon ET, at least 1,097 civilians had been killed, including 181 children. More than 5,400 civilians, including 100 children, have been injured, HRANA reported. The group said its report is preliminary and is veritying hundreds more reported deaths.

At least 1,097 civilians had been killed in Iran so far, including 181 children.

A panel from my piece in the new issue of MAD, life's big steps aside their correlating games of chance. Art by Cartooning King Tom Richmond @art4mad.bsky.social to whom I have to apologize for my fuzzy photo of this panel. I'm so lucky to have had Tom illustrate 2 of my MAD pieces over the years.

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ATTENTION: my new online store is now open! this will be my new go-to for all merchandise going forward. two designs are available NOW for clothing, posters, stickers, and more - check it out at the link below SHARE WITH OTHERS AND GET THE WORD OUT I HAVE SPOKEN

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like to break this one out every year

Ian McKellen performs “The Strangers’ Case” speech from “Sir Thomas More” on Colbert.

I keep thinking again, in light of the latest Epstein files dump, about how MeToo “went too far.”

Screenshot from CineStory says "Congratulations to our 2026 TV Contest Quarterfinalists" dated January 6, 2026 with a graphic of seven lightbulbs with one lit and the caption WELL DONE

I'm excited to share that my original pilot 𝘔𝘺 𝘉𝘰𝘺𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘋𝘳𝘢𝘨 𝘘𝘶𝘦𝘦𝘯 (𝘉𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯 𝘢 𝘛𝘳𝘶𝘦 𝘚𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺) is a Quarterfinalist in CineStory's 2026 TV Retreat & Fellowship Contest!

Cover of the The Clown King by Tom Coombe with a bloody clown face on the front.

Highly recommend this horrific collection of Godly Clowns, Prophetic Owls, Ghastly Priests, and Hungry Leviathans from a new master of the fantastique. @calmtomb.bsky.social Tom Coombe’s tales will haunt you in your asleep and while you’re awake. Just don’t drink the water!

CHECK OUT OUR SPECIAL NEW YEAR'S EDITION OF SORROWSCOPES! TELL YOU FRIENDS. TELL YOUR ENEMIES. TELL THE MONSTER INSIDE YOU THAT WILL NEVER BE SLAIN

Aries: Live, laugh, lower your expectations.

Taurus: You will live like a king this year. Isolated, paranoid, never sure if anyone’s affections are genuine.

Gemini: It’s a new year full of human interactions to avoid.

Cancer: New year. New you? Let’s hope so.

Leo: You will enjoy a brush with fame this week when you meet your cousin's new boyfriend, whose band "almost opened for Candlebox" in 1993.

Virgo: New year, new you. There is literally a new version of you out there hunting you down. Good luck!

Libra: You will finally get everything you deserve this year, which is great news for your enemies.

Scorpio: That pattern you've been noticing is real and it's the key to understanding everything. Of course you'll need to gather a lot more data, so it's imperative that you neglect all relationships and responsibilities. You must focus on the pattern.

Sagittarius: People will be much less impressed when they find out your story about beating the devil at the crossroads involves you playing Super Mario Brothers 3.

Capricorn: Your desire to travel may be awakened by a pack of pale wolves that surround your apartment complex. Now’s the time to finally check if that door in the laundry room connects to the old mineshaft. Hurry!!