Sorrowscopes

“Enchanté,” I say, shaking your dog’s paw.

could a dying empire do THIS

him: will you at least act normal when my folks get here

me: *flipping a pancake and reading it like a tarot card* bad news

Violence degrades meaning. Even when committed for a “reason,” what the perpetrator fails to see is that violence has its own momentum. For the recipient, the meaning has no weight. The only weight is the act itself. It leaves in its wake a vacuum that pulls everyone nearby limb from limb.

The Dept. of War posting: OPERATION EPIC FURY

OPERATION MY DADDY DIDN'T LOVE ME

Seeing a lot of cynicism on the timeline. What if this is one of the good wars?

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ATTENTION: my new online store is now open! this will be my new go-to for all merchandise going forward. two designs are available NOW for clothing, posters, stickers, and more - check it out at the link below SHARE WITH OTHERS AND GET THE WORD OUT I HAVE SPOKEN

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when life hands you lemons, you have been chosen. it is time. there is no turning back now. you are the Lemon Keeper.

“defend your culture”

dude, your “culture” is clapping off beat and putting ketchup on tacos

three firefighters looking at something past the right edge of the frame. they're having themselves a big laugh. never been happier

me and the crew about to put out our funniest fire yet

America: [1776-?] Some great ideas marred by poor direction and unlikable characters. Greed, bigotry, and gratuitous violence. ★★☆☆☆

Year of the Horse

like to break this one out every year

Ian McKellen performs “The Strangers’ Case” speech from “Sir Thomas More” on Colbert.

I keep thinking again, in light of the latest Epstein files dump, about how MeToo “went too far.”

Screenshot from CineStory says "Congratulations to our 2026 TV Contest Quarterfinalists" dated January 6, 2026 with a graphic of seven lightbulbs with one lit and the caption WELL DONE

I'm excited to share that my original pilot 𝘔𝘺 𝘉𝘰𝘺𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘋𝘳𝘢𝘨 𝘘𝘶𝘦𝘦𝘯 (𝘉𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯 𝘢 𝘛𝘳𝘶𝘦 𝘚𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺) is a Quarterfinalist in CineStory's 2026 TV Retreat & Fellowship Contest!

Cover of the The Clown King by Tom Coombe with a bloody clown face on the front.

Highly recommend this horrific collection of Godly Clowns, Prophetic Owls, Ghastly Priests, and Hungry Leviathans from a new master of the fantastique. @calmtomb.bsky.social Tom Coombe’s tales will haunt you in your asleep and while you’re awake. Just don’t drink the water!

CHECK OUT OUR SPECIAL NEW YEAR'S EDITION OF SORROWSCOPES! TELL YOU FRIENDS. TELL YOUR ENEMIES. TELL THE MONSTER INSIDE YOU THAT WILL NEVER BE SLAIN

Aries: Live, laugh, lower your expectations.

Taurus: You will live like a king this year. Isolated, paranoid, never sure if anyone’s affections are genuine.

Gemini: It’s a new year full of human interactions to avoid.

Cancer: New year. New you? Let’s hope so.

Leo: You will enjoy a brush with fame this week when you meet your cousin's new boyfriend, whose band "almost opened for Candlebox" in 1993.

Virgo: New year, new you. There is literally a new version of you out there hunting you down. Good luck!

Libra: You will finally get everything you deserve this year, which is great news for your enemies.

Scorpio: That pattern you've been noticing is real and it's the key to understanding everything. Of course you'll need to gather a lot more data, so it's imperative that you neglect all relationships and responsibilities. You must focus on the pattern.

Sagittarius: People will be much less impressed when they find out your story about beating the devil at the crossroads involves you playing Super Mario Brothers 3.

Capricorn: Your desire to travel may be awakened by a pack of pale wolves that surround your apartment complex. Now’s the time to finally check if that door in the laundry room connects to the old mineshaft. Hurry!!

Aquarius: It's time to put all the disappointments and misery of 2025 behind you and look forward to 2026, which will have lots of new disappointments and misery in store for you.