Patrick Crossen

If I were a detective I would only work in the winter so that I could always follow the criminal’s footprints in the snow and have a 100% success rate.

Legolas, Gimli, and The Perfect Flatness of Secondary Characters Sometimes I, moronic fool that I am, ask myself the following question: will Lord of the Rings ever stop giving? When I ask this, the logical part of my brain sighs, gets up from its armchair, rolls.....

Some stuff I've written recently!

All killer no filler recently. Just eating healthy like a good boy.

Dear Every Employer Ever,

Your break room doesn’t have to look like That.

Congrats to SNL on 50 episodes!

Future me headed to the polls to vote his ass out!

If you only watched the theme song to Lizzie McGuire you would think it was about a girl and her all-ages dodgeball team.

i’m so tired of aries getting shit on just cause we’re shitty

Only good thing I’ve got going for me lately is this sharp pain in my foot that happens randomly and feels like someone is sticking a needle into my bones.

And that’s not even good.

The M3GAN 2 teaser with Chappell in the background was so important!!

i’m so tired of aries getting shit on just cause we’re shitty

I wish I liked the Eggers NOSFERATU more!

Do not @ me about how evil their CEO is that goes without saying

Google’s CEO has it right. Who is it? I don’t know! I don’t care to. Get your bag and zip it. Fade into the background.

It’s crazy how back we are babes!!!

Just as a general rule fuck AI and if you post or repost any weird AI art it’s a one way ticket to blocksville.

It’s actually so sad that I’m the only person in the world who deserves a well lit office with French doors and yet I don’t have one.

Another perfect Bluesky post

Australian gamers pronouncing their favorite franchise starring Kratos.

I thought my tax return was gonna be HOT but turns out it’s a total NOT.

Adrien Brody is wearing 6 layers. It’s all I can look at.

Personally I think it’s beautiful that I’m just now getting to SUCCESSION.

This is what Sundays are for!!!!

At the library last week a woman with a Russian accent pointed at my Batman pin and said, “Ah I see you are a fan of the good bat.”

I’m pretty sure that changed the course of my life I just don’t know how yet.

Just remembered how much people complained about how quickly the Empire/fascism rose again in THE FORCE AWAKENS. Lol. Lmao.

Woulda done numbers on the bird app

I MISS YOU TOO and I am! Hope only the damn world for you

Shading on the walls goes crazy