HURRY UP & LIKE MY POSTS BEFORE BLUESKY GOES DOWN AG…oh goddammit 🫩

person who never heard of bluesky: so what do you do all day
me: im on bluesky
pwnhob: huh?
me: im on bluesky it’s like twitter which is now called “X” or “X, formerly known as twitter” bc c’mon nobody says “X” that’s a dumb name and
pwnhob: jfc stfu i was just being polite i don’t really give a

crying out “medic!” like in starship troopers when i get a papercut

Oh no, don't show me your boobies, that would be terrible! 👀

Crap

… fuck

*types into search engine* is crispy marshmallow brain a symptom of perimenopause?

If anyone knows a good malpractice attorney, please let me know. Thanks in advance.

ayyyy sorry i only know bad ones😫

[Showing you blood test results on a date] look how normal I am

time to learn something new and podcast it

my eyes are up here. no, wait, ok, they’re down there. ok. nvm😬

The monkey that has a stuffed monkey as his parent

Timeline cleanser

I'm experimenting challenging pervy guys my age and older when they make inappropriate comments and learned they respond to shit like "Well the Rolling Stones taught me that when the girls walk by in their summer clothes, just turn your head until the darkness goes" and THEY ACTUALLY GET THAT SHIT

right?

nice. you’ve pwnd me im ded👻

right??? 🙄

*cringing in advance of how he’ll act at Dover AFB when the fallen are brought home*

“more troops will likely die. i don’t get bored. ooh look! curtains!”
- PO(tu)S

oh Jesus, Jackie…I’m so sorry you had to go through this 💜

In 2021 I had an MRI because I had back pain. My doctor said it looked fine. 2 years later I had another one because the pain was getting worse. There was a tumor in my spine. Which was also there 2 years ago, but no one told me. My Dana Farber doctor failed to open that report.

[Disney Studio, 1961]

animator: i’ve got an idea. how about 102 Dalmations ?

disney exec: make it 101 and you’ve got yourself a deal

animator: *rubs one out*

😂

i own Pwnhob™️ how dare you

Fascinating what you all say you won't do and how quickly that shit flies out the window once a Klondike bar is mentioned.

I hit a padlock with a stone 3 times and it didn't burst open.
Every movie lied

how long until the bodies in the closet become skeletons? asking for a friend

I find myself less concerned that tonight is the last Blood Moon for two years and more concerned with whatever happened to Moon Bloodgood?

Caption says This is how a snake's mouth looks from the inside, I think everything is clear now.