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04.03.2026 17:08 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0π€
04.03.2026 17:08 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0Sleestak from Land of the Lost
Therapist: did you have any trauma as a little kid?
Me:
St. Patrick's Day may be on the way but the Lucky Charms leprechaun is no longer a major celebrity. He's been magically D-listed.
02.03.2026 21:03 β π 46 π 15 π¬ 0 π 0oh hello, son π
04.03.2026 17:01 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 2 π 0commencing operation bitchin camero
04.03.2026 01:59 β π 106 π 32 π¬ 8 π 1found a time machine but it requires size A batteries
04.03.2026 07:07 β π 79 π 25 π¬ 4 π 0awwwwww shucks you guyzzz
04.03.2026 16:48 β π 2 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0do i know you ??
04.03.2026 16:47 β π 2 π 0 π¬ 1 π 0
Experiencing
Technical difficulties
Wonβt you please stand by?
- a broadcast network haiku
My teen is probably in the group chat talking about how his mom becomes a figure skating expert every four years.
14.02.2026 03:29 β π 43 π 12 π¬ 1 π 0π babe!! thank you!!
04.03.2026 16:43 β π 3 π 0 π¬ 1 π 0π€ oh youuuuuu! thanks!
04.03.2026 16:42 β π 0 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0Sorry I can't make it. The rest of the week is looking super busy: Today is Prince spaghetti day. Tomorrow I fashion a shillelagh from a cursed oak burl. Friday is the timberdoodle show beneath the moon
04.03.2026 14:56 β π 74 π 29 π¬ 7 π 0iβm too awesome to suffer any consequences from hubris
02.03.2026 19:15 β π 117 π 35 π¬ 5 π 0I was thinking about cheese this morning
26.02.2026 16:25 β π 56 π 20 π¬ 3 π 1hahaha that one gave me a coffin fit omg please donβt kill me π¬
04.03.2026 16:21 β π 3 π 0 π¬ 1 π 0
"YOU'RE DEAD TO ME"
Me on my first day as a mortician
IKR??!! IM AS SURPRISED AS YOU!! (hi, bébé or bèbè of dad)
04.03.2026 16:20 β π 3 π 0 π¬ 1 π 0I'll make it weird, but you gotta be cool about it.
04.03.2026 04:09 β π 55 π 28 π¬ 1 π 0You would think that given our national obsession with guns it would be easier to sell the idea of a bullet train here.
04.03.2026 14:42 β π 13 π 4 π¬ 0 π 0
Museum Guide: So we keep all our best paintings here in this room
Me: *way too loud* HALL OF FRAME
Guide: *taking out tazer* Look away everybody
I forgot I'd thrown some spilled birdseed into the toilet so I thought there was something extremely wrong with me for a second.
17.02.2026 23:46 β π 22 π 2 π¬ 1 π 0i think if you turn up to the white house correspondentsβ dinner this year, we donβt have to pay attention to anything you ever say ever again
03.03.2026 00:16 β π 121 π 23 π¬ 5 π 0π
04.03.2026 15:55 β π 2 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0yikes!!
04.03.2026 15:54 β π 3 π 0 π¬ 1 π 0i mustβve left them in my other pocket π¬
04.03.2026 15:33 β π 11 π 0 π¬ 1 π 0
Star Trek writers: We are thinking of a character named Geordi La Forge. Maybe an engineer?
Gene Roddenberry: Advisor.
Star Trek writers: Add visor? Okay.
You miss 100% of the hot dads you donβt try to run down with your van
01.11.2025 18:15 β π 53 π 17 π¬ 2 π 0jamesssssβ¦.π€
04.03.2026 15:27 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0fired ANOTHER plumber. like my problem is βhard waterβ???? ok bro thatβs just ice like iβm not dumb
04.03.2026 14:58 β π 90 π 20 π¬ 2 π 0