NinjaPastry

The front is for shenanigans, the back is for shenanigouts

I was just told I could be the modern day Seinfeld

I feel like Life of a Showgirl should have sounded more like Death of a Bachelor

True success is pulling into get my oil changed and not having to adjust my position. Perfection. I am perfection.

Chewing on plastic as a child helped me build a tolerance to biting my tongue so damn hard when you talk to me I stfg

Wanna come over and play mermaids but I dont have a pool we got throw cups of water at each other and talk about cool rocks we like

I swear to god if you open one more fucking tab I will unplug the entire breaker right now

"I may be phonetically queer but that is not my scene" -me, discussing the politics of RuPauls Drag Race

I was trying to make it clear I wasn't into talking by trying to evoke the flavor of permafrost but he didnt care

You have a self driving car. why would you drive it like a fucking idiot? IT DRIVES ITSELF. SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO DRIVE IT. LIKE AN ASSHOLE.

I am mentally and physically wearing a hat right now

Maybe she's born with it
Maybe it's Mac n Cheese

Mesh doors make no sense. Only slightly come in.

I wholeheartedly believe your music taste is shown by what FNAF music you listen to on repeat

They need to start putting those fruit roll up tongue tattoos on slices of cheese

There's something poetic about seeing a tesla in the whitecastle drive thru

Im contemplating slime. Just slime. Nothing more, nothing less. Maybe more, maybe like slime anatomy, but I'm pretty sure less as in just slime.

If you die in Missouri you die in real life

Where the FUCK is West Virginia

Crayons were the gateway drug to me eating bath and bodyworks candles

Laughing so hard you wave variant through a wall

The vibe that I bring to the party is Google maps.

It would be far harder for cops in cop shows like Law and Order to get their work done if the camera people weren't invisible. Whomever started hiring invisible camera people in the 90s are unsung heros

I have decided it's for my braindead/rot thoughts

Had the sudden urge to suck a Clorox wipe dry. Not like in a dangerous chemical kind of way but in a "this would feel good in my mouth" kind of way.
So gushers are legal tidepods, what's the legal clorox wipe?

Watching the inauguration is like watching cheese grow mold.

I wonder if keyboards know they're also dyslexic. They don't have anything in order. They rely on us.

First post, not sure what I'm going to use this for.