Space Captain Zemo

The reason why socialism is no longer taboo in America is that our elites have successfully rebranded it as “any attempt by the state to function beyond semi-random violence“ while trying to combat it.

I remember when Ocho Cinco would pull up to people's houses to play FIFA against them.

Different times 😅😂

Whataburger

Jim Jordan begged someone to not rat out the sexual assault that was happening at Ohio State. He was crying on the phone. Groveling. This man threw out all his dignity to try and cover for horrifying crimes of sexual abuse. Think about that for a moment.

This feels like a gag inside Homer's head when he's way too drunk at a Christmas party at Moe's.

One of those nights at work where you want everyone to stop

Dude talking to the patient like a mechanic, cigarette bobbing up and down with each word.

"Your problem is that your hip is all misaligned, shit is all sideways. I can get it back in there, but I gotta order parts from Ontario"

At one point, Starbucks was great because it was a convenience.

"Oh I want coffee and here's a place I can quickly grab some"

But now with so many local joints offering better coffee (which ain't hard, Starbucks was never good quality wise) and equivalent service, what's the point of going there?

Doo doo with caca foam

GOOD LORD 🤣🤣🤣

Lol glad I'm in good company!

Ooh that's good information! Thanks Matt📑

5D chess

Your last saved meme is your moral philosophy

a man in a blue shirt is saying that he is not a smart man Alt: a man in a blue shirt is saying that he is not a smart man

I'll tend to them thinking "Ah probably scratched it on something"

I'm grabbing a barbell at the gym today when I notice that it's rough and rubbing on my fingertips.

I'll need to get some gloves

BUT ALSO

Here's the thing.

I'm not a genius by any stretch of the imagination.

Nor am I a fool.

That being said, it oftentimes takes me a LONG time to notice something very obvious.

Example

My fingers have been consistently getting open cuts on them the past year.

I'm Barret until Thanksgiving dinner is all cleaned up and the guests have left.

After that you can go full send on Christmas.

Until that? Nah.

Your last saved meme is your moral philosophy

Arnold turns around and becomes a pillar of salt.

AI generated advertising is just CocoMelon for boomers.

First footage of Link and Zelda in The Legend of Zelda live-action movie released

If you believe she's turned a new leaf I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell ya

Yeeeesh

I work nights so I TRY to sleep in on the weekends.

Lol

"Try"

According to my kid, yes 🤣

Kids were doing that "whisper yelling"

Ah well.

R.I.P. today to Dan McGrath, great person and super-talented writer at The Simpsons, SNL, King of the Hill, and Mission Hill, where he was right-hand man to @Joshstrangehill and me -- and responsible for the incredible Gus & Wally episode.

Bill Oakley shared this sad news on Twitter, hadn’t seen it here yet: Dan McGrath has passed away.

A fantastic writer for SNL, Simpsons, Mission Hill (he wrote many fan’s favorite episode), King of the Hill, The PJs, and Gravity Falls. Any comedy nerd of the last 40 years knows so much of his work

One day I'll be able to sleep in.

One day.

Hell yeah