Janel Comeau 🍁

I am once again taking every available opportunity to make fun of Tim Hortons in North America’s Trusted Source of News

my algorithm keeps serving me ads for wire-free “comfort bras” and I cannot overstate how much I want wires in there. I want the structural support beams they use in bridge construction. I want to see my tits at the bottom of my vision like I have them equipped in Skyrim.

Danielle Smith uses notwithstanding clause to declare herself premier of B.C. Prime Minister Mark Carney disagrees with the concept of a premier of one province unilaterally taking over a different province but his hands are tied by his unwillingness to do anything about it.

Danielle Smith uses notwithstanding clause to declare herself premier of B.C.

~20 years from now we're all going to hear a teenager say "I was born in the wrong generation, I'm jealous of everyone who got to live through the 2020s" and I think we should promise each other that when that day comes, we'll try not to throw this person directly into the sun

whatever you're imagining, I promise it's weirder

when my ancestors ground their bones to dust toiling in farms and factories in the hopes that their descendants might someday claw their way up to bask in the light of literacy, I don't think they ever dreamed I would use that gift to read this particular combination of words

[with all the venom I can muster] I would NOT give up forever to touch you

I've seen people say that getting attached to ChatGPT is like "believing the stripper really loves you", but that's not true. It's more like believing that the dryer personally composed that little jingle on a lonely sockless night just to win your affections.

God rest ye merry gentlemen
Let nothing you dismay
For some songs like old Yoda talk
About that Christmas Day

there’s a horrifying low-budget Canadian PSA for everything

‪for what it’s worth I’m sure Americans would also be surprised to learn that Canadians refer to this device as a “garburator”‬

as a Canadian, I’ve never been able to wrap my mind around the idea of garbage disposals. what do you mean the right to bear arms also applies to your sink.

I think the Americans have the right idea putting a major holiday in between Halloween and Christmas. Join me this week, fellow Canadians, as we celebrate in the inaugural Feast of Mr. Dressup. We will eat ketchup chips with puppets and hold the Christmas music at bay.

I would not, could not, in my docs
Please get out of Firefox
I would not, could not, on the phone
Please just leave my calls alone
I will not, will not, even free
LLMs, just leave me be!

I do not like your AI slop
I do not want this worthless glop
I do not read its overviews
I don't care what Grok says is true
I do not like it here nor there
I'm tired of it everywhere

my mom finally convinced my dad to go thrifting with her and he found the greatest thrift store find of all time on his very first try

when you call a Canadian hotline and you have to press 2 for English

Really can't overstate how rancid you have to be to make young women lose interest in relationships. When was 21 I moved in with a man whose only employment was freelance unicycling because I thought it might be fun to teach him table manners like Belle from Beauty and the Beast.

Like all men but more so, he was a hunter. In a literal sense, he used not a bullet but a bird. It was not about a chase but about a puzzle of logic and skill that amounted to a test of his self-mastery. He was the mouse and the architect of his maze. The giver of his own pleasure and torment. He desired. He desired desiring. He desired being desired. He desired desire itself. I understood this just as I came to understand the range of his kinks and complexes and how they fit within what I thought I understood of his soul.

It needs to be emphasized that this paragraph is about Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

setting “not now kitten, daddy’s busy” as my out-of-office message at work

I've given it some thought, and I think the funniest possible outcome is if they somehow decide to impeach Bill Clinton again

My father also worked on the railroad!

if anyone is wondering, I got the same diagnosis as the button collecting/deer antler parent, not eats-potatoes-like-a-Tolkien-character/pant-socks parent

if you want to be referred for a psychoeducational assessment in a household where one parent brakes on the highway to pick up deer antlers and the other parent can't stand the sensation of pants that aren't tucked into their socks, you have to get creative

It's a great cosmic joke that neurodivergence both runs in families and gets diagnosed based on parent reports. I was diagnosed at 30 because a man who has eaten potatoes every day for 57 years and a woman who collects loose buttons decided I was a perfectly normal child.

when I travel back in time to 2016 and people ask if the candidate who wins the election is the one who has been sexually intimate with Bill Clinton

my main form of exercise is owning an older dog who takes just long enough to wake up from a nap that my FitBit thinks I've started a workout

and now for your umpteenth reminder that the best way to fight human trafficking is to support measures that ease poverty and promote affordable housing, not to go hunting for hidden coded messages on the internet

Remember 5 years ago when people thought there were coded messages in the Wayfair catalogue so elites could traffick children in giant cabinets? Anyway it turns out they just send emails like "hey it's me, your best buddy Pedophile Jeff, come do sex crimes at my house"