Mortis Cat

It's a bit ironic actually my acrylic palette is so tiny and I should not be using it, but my watercolor pallette is so oversized and awkward to use. It was a very nice gift though, I'm happy about it, it's just sooo huge

I been not doing well on either honestly. Watercolor especially is struggling but acrylic I think my issue might just be my palette is too small and I've not cleaned it in a few years....

One thing I've actually some how forgot how to do is like properly mix colors on a pallet. I know I used to be able to do it but whenever I try now I end up just making a large blob of black or brown

Early on I wasn't liking this book as much, but once I realized it was insane it got a lot more fun. Things get so messy in this Cathy some makes not marrying her father seem like the worse alternative. Like how do you do that?

I still feel like things just aren't working how they used to for me though so that isn't only problem but it probably didn't help

Wondering now if maybe this isn't going well since I have gotten used to using expensive watercolor paper but since this was ment to be short and simple I decided to use one of my older cheap papers

I still have some hair I just cut it much shorter than it was

I'm not alive unless I'm drawing. There's no other evidence I'm alive or ever been alive. There's no other output I have worth as much as a drawing. If I stop drawing I might as well be done

Bad

I think this is one of the worst things I've drawn in so long, why can I suddenly not do anything

My hair is in the trash. I miss it but I can still touch it if I feel sad

If I don't make any meaningful progress on any of these by Friday then

Don't Play Us Cheap

Don't Play Us Cheap

Don't Play Us Cheap

Don't Play Us Cheap

Don't Play Us Cheap is not really a top favorite of mine, but I never see anyone talk about this one ever so it's worth mentioning I think. It's a musical about some demons trying to corrupt a family until one of them falls in love

Us

Us

Us

Us

I also really liked the movie Us. I know that one divides people but personally I think it's one of my favorite recent horror movies, maybe favorite? I don't know.

Eve's Bayou

Even Bayou

Eve's Bayou

Samuel L Jackson is in the movie too but some reason I can't find any good pictures of him

I saw some post recently about favorite movie with black protagonist but I didn't respond, I would like to recommend Eve's Bayou though if you haven't seen it.

I really hate myself that I'm not painting but I just cannot feel comfortable ever to paint here that it's turning me insane. The wallpaper in this house is actually more valuable than my life so I can't do anything too extreme

I saw the video of Charlie Kirk getting shot and I've been obsessed with the way the blood comes out his neck. I would say I want that to happen to me but the political implications of that I don't want to touch me, but just the way the blood pours down his neck is so interesting

I should be working on art but I have to play a certain role now to keep my mother unhappy

I'm hiding in bed tonight I don't know how to become evil even though I know it's inside me

Who wants to marry me I'll say yes to anything right now

What I should do is enter into a loveless abusive marriage. That would hurt her most

I've been trying to leave but it's hard, she's kept me financially dependant on her and stuff. She does I think try to be a good parent but she's got no understanding of emotions and has such high standards that I'm expected to meet that I can't stand anymore

I thought of some very hurtful things I could say to her but I don't know if I am quite at the point where I can actually say them they would make her very upset though

My main power over her used to only be threatening and attempting suicide but it's turned backwards where now anything I do that looks mentally unstable makes me lose all power in relationship so I need to find new ways to do this

I am going to start working to make my mother dislike me by being mean and cruel and maybe she'll get rid of me eventually

Found an Opera performance that is using papyrus as the font for the super titles. It's interesting how papyrus is the tacky font that gets around

In the first book I had some similar feelings about the scenes with Cathy and her brother, but those are feelings quaint now. Like at least they're in the same age range

I'll probably look back later and think that was kind of fun how they did that, and it certainly adds drama but wow, it just keeps getting worse.

This picks up a lot after I commented this, but still, the scenes with Cathy and her adopted father are hard to read. I appreciate the book is going all out with everything but like, actually having to read through these scenes is such a bad experience.

Okay now time to bury those posts

I'm not actively suicidal now but I do still wish this was successful because it's kind of embarrassing I did all that and then survived. Although if I'm like talking this way then I might as well say that ideally I should have died when I was 16 because that would have just been the perfect time