Jaime Andrews

Go Cory Booker. Unfathomable to me. I need a nap after a 2 hour phone call.

Law & Order is all like "The following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event," then does an episode about a hot healthcare CEO killer named Bluigi Smangione.

Thought of you tonight. My new stepsister remarked on a beer on the menu called “Die, Todd, Die.” You can probably guess the rest.

Watching White Lotus, I realize my ability to say “hello” and “thank you” in Thai will no longer be quite as novel.

I don’t know what those are, but if I did, you’d get em gratis!

You know, when I first tried watching The Wire - when it premiered - I turned it off cuz I felt like they were cursing too much. I cheated myself, for years, of one of the best shows of all time.

I said it first! Just giving you a hard time, you’re an icon and a hero

Why didn’t I listen to you?!?

You’re smart. I’ve always been a bit of a masochist

OK, hear me out: trump has 3 victims of migrant crime in the gallery…dems should not even show up and give their all their seats to the HUNDREDS affected by right wing extremist crimes.

“Probably have to bear with me again.”

I WISH THERE WAS A BEAR WITH YOU

Immigrants already pay tax in our country, aaaaaAAAARGH!

You know, I was gonna watch a horror movie, but this is way scarier.

Believe it or not? Guess what, I don’t believe it.

NO ONE ASKED YOU TO STAND, ELON

We’ve never seen anything like it, alright. Not at all in the way he implies.

5 MINUTES. That trans athlete beat the record by 5 MINUTES, not hours. They just lie unabashedly.

The inventions shows were the best!

How would he find the cure to the most devastating disease if he cancels all research?!?

Oooh, getting juicy. I sense fisticuffs!

Yeah, the world will never witness it again, because you’re probably gonna end it!

How is america back?!? Does he even believe what he says?!?

I hate them so much, and I hate we all have to deal with this.

Maybe he’s in a k-hole

I feel myself tiring of this quickly. Like maybe as soon as he actually starts speaking.

Further to this, why isn’t it LAY-Z-Boy? You get the pun and the other way is La, like sound of music.

Vance looking smug like he just landed a sweet La-Z-Boy

Nah, I’m on a mission now

I mean, they all look like bad guys, am I wrong? I know DJT loves referring to central casting, but I think he gave the wrong breakdown.

And why do the newscasters sound like they’re about to call a boxing match?