Shortly before my Auntie Paula passed away this past June after a valiant battle with esophageal cancer, I asked her if she'd like me to get a tattoo in her honor. She told me to get one of her favorite animal, so I did ❤️
I am incapable of being casual about anything
Cats on laps ❤️
I need to go sit by a creek or something
💔
"Joy is not made to be a crumb."
Just cut me wide open, why don't you
Geminis stop trying to match with me on Bumble challenge please I am BEGGING
The thing about wearing fishnets outside all day is that you should also wear sunblock 🙃 whoooops
God, I love therapy. If anyone has my back, it's Pam.
Got Banshee a catio so he can experience the outside world without decimating the local bird population. He is my son and by GOD I will spoil him rotten
the next person to purposely mispronounce "ian" because they clock me as afab is going in the meat-grinder chop chop no time to waste
Have to leave in 5 minutes. Still in bed. A tale as old as time.
Face reveal 😮
Happy Birthday, Banshee!! Maybe this year we'll finally take your white ass to Six Flags 🤞😽❤️
This summer we're gunna be reframing, reclaiming, moisturizing, and therapizing. I'm gunna be so hydrated my bladder will be a liability
I keep finding myself thinking about how there's a grocery store chain called Food Lion and somehow everyone is completely okay with it
He yearns to wreak havoc on the local ecosystem
Using multiple CVS extra-bucks coupons followed by a 40% Off Entire Purchase coupon feels exactly like playing a Reverse, Reverse, Reverse, Draw 4 in Uno and I know you know I'm fucking right
I know the Vyvanse is hitting when I get the overwhelming urge to buy antiques for my girlfriend
He's thinking about guns
I've been attempting to teach my cat the concept of One Crime at a Time. It is not going well.
Say a prayer for rotisserie chickens because I'm on my way to the grocery store unsupervised and hungry as hell
"When will Möther come home from War?"
Ever since I was a little kid I knew I wanted to spontaneously develop a plethora of random allergies in my early 30s
Just invented Hot Drink. It's whatever you're drinking, but hot.
Booby Tuesday!
Nothing like discovering you've never taken a deep breath in your life after being prescribed your first inhaler! I have been wheezing for 34 years
Doctor thinks I have pneumonia, but wont know for sure til they check out my chest x-ray. They prescribed me an inhaler that my insurance isnt convinced I need, though, which is fun! Anyway, who wants to help me dig a hole to die in? Ground might not be soft enough yet but we can work in shifts
I think I tried Mentopolis once and I had a hard time getting hooked, but the others definitely sound promising! Thanks for the recs!
