Eric Schmidt

I often think about how bummed I’ll be if I’m not in New York City when he dies

Donna Kelce on her way to the paint store

Complaining about gas prices is kinda insensitive to those of us who don’t have cars cuz we live in New York

They gotta start screening people who sit in exit rows. There’s an old woman who keeps accidentally playing music at full volume from her phone and then her and her husband scramble to try to turn it off and I just don’t trust that they’ll be very helpful in an emergency

“We gotta go kill their oppressive religious right wing leaders”
-American and Israeli oppressive religious right wing leaders

If they didn’t want to get hit by snowballs, they shouldn’t have dressed like that

Tampa Bay Buccaneers Logo (Early Draft)

Kid Rock makes music for people who can’t figure out how to use chopsticks

It’s gotta be weird for country club republicans to pretend to like Kid Rock while already pretending to like Donald Trump

I keep getting profiled because of my appearance. People assume I watched the Kid Rock halftime show. I haven’t listened to Kid Rock since I was in 8th grade which is the only age it’s appropriate to be a fan of his

Turning Point USA halftime show

Government officials killed a white guy with a legally concealed firearm. I feel like this is the kind of thing white guys with legally concealed firearms would be mad about if they hadn’t become worthless pawns of the state

Inviting friends to a Trump rally

I know what he can do to try to turn her straight

Oh, you’ll know I’m American. I’m overweight and unfashionable.

Oh great now Germany is the good guys and we’re the bad guys

War in Venezuela wasn’t enough. Now he’s ramping up his war on America

They gotta say they’re going and bail last minute so Trump doesn’t have time to pack the chairs with morons and jagoffs

Abolish ICE

Looks like young JD Vance time travelled to try to stop him

America walking into 2026

I don’t think he’ll win the 2026 FIFA Peace Prize

Trump criticizing Bush for Iraq

Trump is getting in on the early 2000s nostalgia by starting an unnecessary war

With this aggressive military action, Trump is hoping to prove he’s more than just a pedophile

Hope it knocked him back to being progressive

Worst thing about ANTIFA meetings is all the vegan pizza

He’s way too old to still be a Senator. He should be at home in an urn

In Mean Streets, Robert De Niro looks like he’s about to sing Smooth with Carlos Santana

Here’s a proposed Turning Point USA “all-American” halftime show act