Pilot

Injured myself the week prior to MFF. Thought I was good. I most definitely am not.
Doc visit and (almost certainly) PT in my future.
Do your stretches, and when old people say to take care of your body.... believe them.

Own toilet
Own kitchen
Own chair

My post-con trifecta.

The dealer's den is meant for irresponsible decisions. I need to buy frames for those decisions today.

And I am very grateful that you took the time to talk entomology with me. It gives me hope to hear passionate people talk about how they're working to protect something so vital, yet overlooked.

A thank you to the folks who I ran into at MFF who spent the time and energy to ramble about their interesting funky world outside the con, and share a bit of the same in my direction.
Y'all cool people, and you deserve good in your lives.

Back in the saddle with my therapy group. Made massive headway. Still feeling like I can do better, but definitely not feeling like I'm failing.

Rebounded from my hell week. Now to repeat again and again for the next month.

Creating a thread of my day to day was supposed to be fun.
Instead I now have a written log of me burning out in a week.
Cool, but ugh.

Hit the wall. Bad.
Feel like a failure.
Feel like you can't succeed.
Recognize the burnout.
Go to work.
Do more schoolwork at work.
Realize that you're cognitively impacted by the burnout.
Submit classwork for the week.
Go home.
Decide corndogs and a break are the answer.
Debate calling in sick.

Spend morning in woods hiking with dogs for self care

Transcribe session for supervision
Present second
Get absolutely destroyed on nonverbals, massive areas for improvement on when to direct the session

Get groceries (Ran out of 90% of stuff)
Have panic attack once home
Discussion board

Analyze personality style with peers
Try intervention in practice session
Fail horribly
Analyze how I failed
Do another practice session tangential to personality style
Find I do slightly better

Go to work

Get home
Send recordings, transcripts
Watch video on adhd and relationships
Eat pineapple.

Practice therapy
Watch others practice therapy
Have someone practice therapy
Write about therapy
Go to sleep
...
Listen to therapy podcast on personality

My life is therapy. It's great, but I am so tired.

I am super excited to report that while my peer reviews of my therapy process is coming back as "not horrible" I feel I have so much room for improvement.

I'm not perfect, and it's great.
I can only improve in my eyes, and I'm super excited to do just that.

Getting to reference "Tell someone you love them today because life is short but scream it at them in German because life is also scary and confusing." in grad school is a thing I didn't expect.

*Panics about a class where b- final grade is failing*
*Also so far has a 4.0 since starting the program*
*Emotionally still panicking*

I've become my dad

I'm looking at project sailboats, and estimating what they would cost to fix up

and

I'm taking up a new odd artistic hobby (I think this is the 5th one so far)

Next up? Adopting the right dog at "the wrong time" if I'm following the pattern

"Why am I depressed? Why do I feel life is hopeless? What's happening? I'm done with my ptsd-fueled crisis.... Why? Why? Why?"
*3 minutes later*
Oh right.... We're trialing me off my anxiety meds.

Midnight o' clock phone calls from coworkers that involve me walking them through grounding exercises because of how fucked work is now is
1.) Really cool to see that I'm able to provide those techniques and tools
2.) Really depressing that I now have to provide those techniques and tools

Started my collection of theory specific books by grabbing an assortment of reality therapy & choice theory books.

Also a fuckton of books on sexuality

I now understand how professionals end up with huge libraries.

I love how I'll forget why I'm reading a textbook at late o' clock, or writing papers, or doing all this stuff.
Not as in "why did I get into this program?"
but instead "Oh that's right... I'm in grad school."
I feel like I need to internalize that as part of myself more.

First weekend off on adhd meds and I cleaned all the trash I've been looking at for 2 weeks, got clothes out of my car that have lived there for 3+ months, and started taking action on hobby projects.

Better living through pharmacology, I guess.

My therapist got to see me on adhd meds for the first time. Tangents were easier to get off of, my world was clearer, and most obvious of all? I didn't fidget once the entire appointment.

Better living through modern medicine.

Also it sounds like the countdown is here for terminating therapy...

It is very relieving to have a professor tell you that you're doing great with the material after sitting and going "I don't know wtf I'm doing" all week.
Gives me hope.

Soren is even more yote than me...

My new psychiatrist both checked me for ADHD today (I have it) and upon hearing that I was in a counseling program took time to help teach me a bit about psychology and diagnostics from the perspective of psychiatrists vs counselors.
Really cool to run into a doc who wants to be engaged in that way.

Prof's comments on my final this term included, "I think you are in the right program and are on your way to becoming a great therapist!"

And lemme tell you...
After spending the entire course panicking over if I'm able to fulfill the role effectively it's a relief to have that note.

Today's the first day in like 5 months that I just don't have anything.
No classes, no work.
No emergencies, no plans.
Just nothing.
And I dunno how to handle that.

Had heat exhaustion
Then did finals
Now having pizza
And then tomorrow doing OT so I can have more time off next week.

Every time I put new strings on my guitar I feel I "broke it" until I play it for like 2 hours and they don't sound nearly as aggressively metallic.

Always a good day when a regulatory agency shows up unannounced at my office on my day off asking for documents.

Everything is and was fine, but I picked a bad day to be off and an even worse day to run out of anxiety meds.

Get called into work for a maintenance issue.
Flight crew denies maintenance like a patient refusing an ambulance ride.
I shrug, do paperwork, order parts for my equipment, then go home.
Now I understand why EMTs and paramedics love those sorts of calls.