⚡️🐈‍⬛Acid 🖤💫

Lab1 really started to suck once it got popular.

The workers are all mostly jerks?

Me wondering why I’m so needy and codependent.

Also me: listening to Latin music that normalised “I will love you and adore you 25 hours a day, 8 days a week if that’s what you want”

Kinda makes sense I find men who obsess over me.

#AcidsDatingAdventures

Maybe you can have a messy break up crash out but instead of it being an issue, you can orchestrate it as part solo holiday part trip to the artist and part spontaneous tattoo and please do drop that friend a line like “oh cute you want to get matching ferns with me” or something to remind them

Shed your skin RiverSnake, but don’t forget who made you lace.

When your smile is fangs and venom, when you get privileges from your race,
Don’t forget who made you lace.

I don’t mind being the extrovert for my friends or lovers.

People sometimes tell me it’s not my job to be the social protector of someone.

I think they don’t realise it’s a symbiotic thing;

I can be social if I have my friends/lovers as emotional backup.

I can’t be social alone without someone.

I wonder if he was thinking, as a single person at this wedding with so many couples, what it would have been like to have me there as his +1

I wonder if he thought about holding my hand and being my back up so I could be the social butterfly for the both of us.

#AcidsDatingAdventures

The wedding pictures dropped and BlueJay took my favorite tie to Scotland. Hè wore the pants that match. Hè looks alright.

I hope he keeps the tie. If he comes back out of the woodworks to give it back post wedding, I don’t need that kind of energy.

#AcidsDatingAdventures

can’t help about the artist part, but when it came to my tattoo I’ve had the idea for 15+ years and maybe not all of it was perfect but it was in my mind for so long that it didn’t matter anymore, it felt like it was always part of me, but now it’s visible. No regrets. Nothing and no one is perfect

And this is why sharing our plights, our cultures, our stories over the Internet is so important. While our borders may be hard to cross, please hear our voices.

#FreeCongo #FreeSudan #FreePalestine

GET IT NOW GO IMPULSE TATTOO AND BEAT THEM TO IT AND TEXT THEM BACK HEY WOW CUTE YOU LIKED MY IDEA SO MUCH YOURE INCORPORATING IT?

Shit wait. I was meaning to go to the gym today and work on my Abbs until I felt better lmao.

Maybe that’s why I’m sad.

Maybe this is how to deal with man brain. Work out untill the feeling is processed.

It still doesn’t feel real. I was one of the founders. I’ve been there since the start.

But I wasn’t doing much. And on paper I was taking a position that could get me in trouble if not monitoren.

I could have just stayed and done nothing. Idk.

My mom called me and I broke down.

I haven’t eaten all day. She suggested I go around the corner to get greek food.

Such a simple easy solution. Why don’t I think of these things 😭😭😭

Crying on testosteron gives me a headache

Today, November 15th i cried about home.

I want to go home.

I also officially quit my organization.

I am no longer sad about being alone and lonely and single.

I am now freshly showered, hungry and looking into cosmetic surgery because atleast I can be hotter while alone.

I still need to hang up all my mirrors to see my favorite person every day.

Note to self:

When feeling bad, take a shower and see if you feel less bad afterwards lmao.

Hey so I just took a shower and belted along loudly to Shakira (in Spanish!) and came out feeling much better and less spirally.

Maybe a shower and Guus Meeuwis (or whatever your equivalent of nostalgic homey music is) might help reset your system?

But also, I do wanna get railed lmao

Maybe BlueJay hits so hard unlike Rowan and June because…
I was no longer performing. BlueJay connected to me, not the masked version I kept up for so long…

BlueJay saw me for entirely who I was…

#AcidsDatingAdventures

And it’s moments like this that I miss BlueJay.

He was not perfect, but he was good. He was broken, and I could not fix him. He was broken, but he was kind.

#AcidsDatingAdventures

I want to leave the party early and tipsy, to go home and cuddle and eat fries we got on the way there, while joking about being old.I want to feel understood and loved. I want to be surprised with acts of kindness and love.

I want to fall asleep in his arms. I want to feel safe.

What a loser.

I want to fucking eat snacks together. I want to get excited about mundane errands. I want to lay in bed all day together and be cute and make love over and over again and talk about nerdy stuff.

I want to hold hands in a supermarket. I want to compromise on movie night.

I like to play all though and mean and only want to fuck but in reality… I just want that sweet domestic bliss of a relationship that has me calm and secure.

I crave intimacy, I crave love.

And it feels like a weakness to admit that. It’s not girlboss at all.

It’s not cool to want a boyfriend.

Delusion1 did at least surprise me with a stick on tattoo of the company we work for. It was cute. He thought of me.

Dying my pubes to establish that I’m still sexy and cool and have a fun gimmick because my body is not perfect.

But I don’t want to reach out to my friends. It’s late. It’s dark.

It’s late for a Friday AND it’s dark. It’s cold.

Even if I do go out I just want to stay near my house. Idk.

I think self harm has taken a more physiological approach?

I’m angry and lonely and upset and desperately want to go out and see people and drink but I don’t want to reach out to the ones I care about. So instead I hinge it on strangers to hook up with, so the rejection doesn’t sting.

I miss making out. I wanna go out and have a casual hookup and then never talk to them again. How do people fucking do that.

Oh I don’t know that song! who sings it?