I tend not to care too much about politics these days, not so much head in the sand as I have my principles and wants - however, when I go on Twitter and see the Right petitioning for the UK to be a US state, then I know I am still left and I am still batting for the team with all its marbles.
Well I think you do need my negativity in your life right now
Even though it’s owned by a megalomaniac and there’s far too much disinformation on there, Twitter is still way better than Bluesky.
Plus, you can see the “clicks” on here, the schoolyard bullies who decide if you make it or not.
[First Date]
Me: *pulls dates chair out*
Date: *falls to the fall*
Waiter: *fist pumps me*
My plants might be dead, but at least I remember to water the fish.
Someone said that BlueSky users are already coming up with ways to abbreviate the name of the app.
I call BS.
bestie: i did something stupid.
me: ok, do you need me to bring ice cream or a body bag?
Me: [Licks finger]
Stranger:
Me: [turns page of strangers book on the train]
How the Right-Wing have sex…
Jake Paul is going to fight my dick next because that also hasn’t seen any action for years and is wrinkly as fuck.
Don’t tell me this isn’t a great, cheap as fuck gag.
I once caught my dog frantically running around my Mum and Dad’s bed, and barking because they were shagging.
Would watch that again before I watch Jake Paul and Mike Tyson “fight” again.
Well that was definitely a free boxing match
Getting older is just a lot of fond memories of shit that made you mad at the time.
look, i can either be funny or mentally stable. you can’t have both.
I hope if I am ever in the woods evading a murderer, that my senses are as sharp as my dog hearing a packet of crisps open whilst he’s asleep.
Valuable advice.
How does one become uninformed, like are there classes I can take?
Appropriate
Manager: *answers phone* Hello, Hide and Seek adventure centre, how may I help you?
Liam Neeson: I will find you…
Manager: Not again *hangs up*
I feel like an exchange student and nobody wants to get to know me as they just think “what’s the point?! You’re just going back to Twitter eventually anyway.”
dance with me in the midnight rain
I’m the only person from twitter that everyone liked.
The national anthem is being replaced with Yakety Sax
That comforter is from Target.
-me watching porn
Apparently, if you scream into a pillow at Target, you have to buy it.
Someone said that BlueSky users are already coming up with ways to abbreviate the name of the app.
I call BS.
nobody will remember:
- your salary
- how “busy you were”
- how many hours you worked
people will remember:
- the Oscar Mayer jingle
- 9 digits of pi
- dril's tweet about shrinking into a corncob
