Matt 🍓

Multiple times this year I’ve had coffee with fellow immigrants who grew up in corrupt third world countries and the shared sentiment has been that Americans don’t understand how bad things are going to get.

Andrew Cuomo tweet: In case you forgot, I’m Andrew Cuomo, son of Mario, grandson of Andrea. Welcome to the heavyweight bout, @ZohranKMamdani This is a two man race. You look tired already. It’s just the second round.

What if there were already some sort of contest where people were able to choose between them, I wonder how that would go

The rich must be incentivised; the poor must be disciplined.

The political economy of the super-elite in one headline.

“Life begins at conception” - not for any meaningful government event.

We can’t vote or buy vodka 9 months before our 18th birthday. That clock doesn’t count for benefits, gov pension, tax law, etc. etc.

An excuse for blocking a women’s bodily autonomy; no one’s using it to demand an early upside.

Jacob Collier always dresses like he’s opening his presents on Christmas morning.

Lolol. Damn it!!

Statue of*

Some of the funnest stories I’ve heard require a real person’s full name. I therefore cannot disseminate them on social media. It eats me up at night.

The statue on limitations feels like it’s last on this one tho:

A friend discovered her great-grandmother was called Edna Crangle.

YouTube video by GaitherVEVO Bill & Gloria Gaither - What A Lovely Name [Live] ft. Vestal Goodman

Why is this cunty af?

The soloist squeals her whole pussy out.

Commissioned!

A British crow is asking passersby if they're alright.

None of the Epstein/Maxwell survivors were notified of Maxwell’s transfer to the minimum security facility.

Did @mjmimages.bsky.social write this?

Work? (Desk-job, real company office)

Advise me; cool or lame?

Suddenly reminded of the time a friend arrived to join 3 of us who were already on holiday at this villa in Tuscany. He appears through a bush in the back garden, shirtless, a tall-boy beer, and Apple Maps.

Didn’t even navigate to the front of the house. Full ‘straight line; fastest route’ vibes.

As you experience living in a dystopian nightmare for the first time, the most important thing is to be funny about it. Commit to the bit.

"Words, like buckets slopped with meaning."

- The Castle, by Howard Barker

This Tuckahoe home won a $1.26 billion contract for an ICE detention center. The owner isn't talking. The company’s website is dated and largely accessible only via login.

how much of the money from the ICE/tax cuts bill is just going to go to scammers, do you think? www.richmonder.org/this-tuckaho...

‘1984’ is upon us

“Duuuuuhhhhhhhh!!!!!”

— Isaac Newton

NYC Mass Shooting Was Nearly Impossible to Prevent, Experts Say

Holy shit, they did it. They wrote the headline.

“There be some crazy people in the world. I should know. I’m five of them.”

If Labour can message Net Zero correctly, and convince the electorate it is a good and worthy cause, that alone will justify their current government.

Did they change the bread at Sweet Green?

Cream cheese should be used as an epoxy to hold the capers and onion to the bagel. Salmon can then go on top, further securing the items.

Less pleasing to look at, but ensures you have a tactical assault bagel that can withstand the rigours of a desk-lunch.

“I’ve only got one more, and then I’ll just have one last one to do.”

Catching my brain becoming more of a himbo. Why don’t I just say ‘2’?

Sh’wetty

What were its demerits?

Late to this photo of Jack Draper, British tennis player, in the latest New Yorker…