lu :]

"maturing is realising 13yo you was onto something" but its drugs

unfortunately i Fucking love opioids

my other seminar tomorrow is on classical realism and liberalism and im not looking forward to havinf to read 2 chapters on those after this really interesting article on language and power. but whatever

i think "always trying to find the right language" kind of politics is stupid as fuck. but linguistic determinism and "language is knowledge and knowledge is power" kind of stuff is So Interesting. language as a discursive process. etc

have a seminar tomorrow solely on MMIW and the power of language re the s-word and im ashamed to say id never done any deeper research than a bit more than just enough to get the gist, and like. horrifying. but im fascinated. i find the politics of language so interesting

lowkey my degree is kinda interesting sometimes

i dont care about uni rn but unfortunately i do have an image to keep up until the day i die. so

oh wellllll its time for drugs anyway!!! drugs and trying to brute force my way through seminar readings for tomorrow because ill be damned if i fuck up one of the only good things i have

like if i go "yeah its actually Bad i keep writing and deleting suicide notes and ive got ideas and stuff and i cant rly do anything and nothing actually cheers me up. dont tell anyone tho" to a bunch of psych students thats just Not going well for me In Any Universe

i feel like my irls dont take me seriously at all on how bad im doing but if i tell them im suicidal theyre gonna try and get me to hospital so i feel Trapped

i fear im just not gonna survive this and im aware ive been saying that for months but i just dont see it happening

i call this one "i just need some protein and a vegetable"

my slop

2027 prediction

suspicious amount of baby and toddler reels showing up on my fyp with likes from lucas and gels lately /lh j

human intuition is so scary ewww [dw i was just debating writing things and failing to do it, i didnt Actually i remembered its stupid to keep notes just in case]

ok well Thats weird bc i was staring at my notes app for no reason at all

the sunset was a bit nice

my bets wednesday

i feel like my housemates dont care thsy dont ask how i am they see my arms and say nothing idk

i hate feeling this way!!! i hate being a shitty absent friend and partner and i hate falling behind at uni and i hate having to injure myself to get some of the feeling out and i hate that i cant just be fine and i hate being scared of losing all the things keeping me sane

i only have to get to the end of the month then i should be taking Something again and hopegully it works

in the kind of depression where i have to eat the components of a sandwich bc i cant even make a sandwich fuuuckkk

it will!!! just dont take more imodium or any anti vomiting stuff uve just got to let it happen and its over super quick :( <3

evil tummy bug but good news is they go away in like a day or two

headphones dying mid crashout listening to old miserable yab ...... should be illegal

i am thinking of going to the hospital someday in the semi near future and i dont really know why or what good i think it would do . i think its an elaborate form of self harm

it does bring me some kind of peace to know i probably wont make it out of this year at this rate im ngl

i have a bgm i just dont have any testing strips Or lancets left and theyre EXPENSIVE so like fuck me i guess???? but fr if this keeps going I'm going to the dr because........

surely its just the cold and depression right guysss