Seana

A couple more

Just got the digital files back for the first role of film I've shot in like, 20 years and I'm really happy with them!

Not to earnest post while being slutty but this is the mirror at my mom’s place that I cracked in four years ago and man, I still have things I want to change but I could not have imagined I’d look like this when I was starting at 34 back then. Never too late, etc.

Nvm, just had a hookup that fixed me, we’re so back etc.

It’s such a humiliating state to be from lol.

Yes, this is the case lol (I grew up there and they’re weirdly proud of it)

Yeah, a pox on the “heteroflexibles.” Like bitch no, for you I’m the worst of both worlds.

Girl this is crazy. I’ve had some Grindr nonsense but that’s on another level, I’m so sorry.

Yeah, I’ve had this happen in the opposite direction, it’s a bummer.

I’m doing so bad man lol.

The questions being asked in the trans sports issue are what is the nature of the transsexual body? Is transition real and effective? You might not choose sports as a particularly important issue in its own right, I don't, but as the proxy for these questions, it's one we simply must win in time.

Once you answer "a queer relationship is as real as a straight one," then a lot follows from that, legally, intellectually, morally, socially. It was a wedge, and winning that wedge revolutionized queer people's place in public life.

The thing about marriage equality, is that while it was a fight that a lot of queer people felt was a distraction from far more material concerns, it got straight to the heart of the issue: what is the nature of these relationships? Are they as "real" as straight relationships are?

Riley Gaines perfectly articulating the logic of trans sports bans as a wedge and why it's not an issue we can give up on without leaving ourselves deeply vulnerable to far more significant attacks.

And so there were like, levels I could read: is it vaguely in the ballpark (whisky, Italian vermouth, bitters in a cocktail or coupe), do they use rye, is the rye a real rye or just Overholt, are they just using like Martini Rossi or do they take their vermouth seriously, etc.

Fun question for me here is what are the qualities of a good test order. I used to judge cocktail bars by their Manhattan, because it’s just basic and formal enough and just open enough to being totally fucked up (someone once served me bourbon with club soda on ice in a collins glass) to do a read.

lol I did warn!

I find myself thinking recently for the first time since high school about the ending of Fahrenheit 451, where everyone memorizes a book because preservation is the only thing they can think to do. So yeah, I share this vibe right now.

Anyway, this has been my little eulogy for one who didn’t make it. RIP Brittany, you would have loved being gay.

She lived with me for six months after her mother threw her out for dating me. And I think in a way, when she broke up with me and moved back, she meant to reject the part of herself that was drawn to me, to my latent queerness. She was dating the cop within months and they got married within a year

I’d always assumed that it was just what her parents wanted to hear (they haaated me, bookish, atheist, limp wristed). Honestly though, I think she saw it in me. I think it’s what made our relationship kind of work in spite of itself and also made it fraught. And so I think she meant a truth by it.

When she broke up with me, she bizarrely told her parents this lie that she’d walked into my room and found me fucking a strange man (which, kind of funny given that she was *constantly* making out with women).

Randomly decided to look up my second biggest closet case of a pre-transition ex, found the joint Facebook account she has with her cop husband that he controls. She’s got two kids and two of the deadest eyes I’ve ever seen. It’s bleak.

Equiville, where all are equal atop a horse.

Her profile picture is a horse. Like genuinely kind of delightful case of “for the woman who is a hammer/horse girl…”

Sometimes I read the Facebook comments on my hometown newspaper’s Facebook because I hate myself, and amid fights under a story about a family with a trans kid fleeing NH there’s this woman who’s like “shame she isn’t into horseback riding; riding horseback puts one above such riffraff concerns”

Does she have her shit together emotionally, or does she just have a thrifty but warm sense of interior decorating?

(She’s just good at decorating.)

My plan right now is some combination of hopefully finally getting on ADHD meds soon and making good use of the mental breakdown I inevitably have on my birthday in a few weeks.

In a perfect liminal state where I’m not catastrophically depressed and anxious and basically going insane, but I’m not really “good” or super in command of myself or my days, but just kind of placidly drifting. GIF of Coyote running off a cliff and looking around before plummeting, etc.