Eliza Skinner - comedian

Seeing that BOTH versions of the Johnny Lee Miller / Benedict Cumberbatch Frankenstein are streaming on the National Theater App made me exclaim “ooh!” in a way only a confirmed hermit can. Very mumbly and hoarse, through a thick beard and mustache - but excited!

I have become a creepy pottery reply guy. Every time I see a post of a cool bowl I gotta comment something like “gorgeous”, “beautiful”, or “hello bowl, do you need a sugar daddy to spoil you, $7000 a week, no nudes”

Send in the perimenopausal neurodivergent women.
You think we haven’t been called names before?
You think we don’t talk back to powerful idiots? Even if it will cost us a job/career/citizenship??
Oh boy - FILL THE PLANE WITH US.

It’s 7pm in November so it’s midnight. See you in the spring, early evening!

LA DOGS - the rain is gonna be heavy today. Thunder starting in a few hours. Time to put on your headphones and get into your audiobooks. You’ll need peanut butter on deck. Dog be with you.

But finally, he can’t take it any more. He sneaks off and poops on the rug. As he’s doing it he feels terrible. Shatters his self identity. Risks his place in the home, in the family. But what choice did he have, the rain — and at that exact moment he turns to look outside and sees… the rain… stop.

Me pitching to O Henry:
Ok, so the dog - he’s a very good dog, you know? Real good boy. But here’s the thing - he hates the rain. Can’t stand it. Refuses to go outside to potty. Instead he’s gonna wait it out. So he’s waiting all morning - because again, he’s a good boy. That’s important to him 1/2

Nora and Kevin at the end of The Leftovers

Fuck the “bird” theory. That’s amateur hour! I’m going with the “when you tell me you traveled to another reality and back I will believe you” theory.

Upon this most recent rewatch, the most relatable parts of The Leftovers are the the absolutely batshit, intense, ✨meaningful✨ dream sequences.
Hands up, who is having Leftovers-style dreams these days?

There should be a scientific study of the women who get close to Elon Musk and want to fuck him more than they want to stab him in the neck. Either way you can definitely grab some cash on your way out the door, girl - may as well swing for the fences.

Also, here is a photo of a good grilled cheese I made with kimchi and a monster vase I made with stoneware clay.

“Good luck, losers.” Governor Newsom responds to Republican lawsuit over prop 50.

Hahaha our Governor is a ski club bully taking a break from hazing frosh.

Look, I know acting is acting, and TV is TV - but I also hope that either Justin Theroux and Carrie Coon have an annual affair in Australia or that they never ever speak or look at each other ever again.

Feeling a lil depressy, decided to start a rewatch of the Leftovers. Keep your eye on this space for downdates!

Perimenopause should be a universally accepted legal defense.

“This woman kicked over her neighbor’s garbage can because it was left in the street for a week.”
“How do you plead?”
“Not Guilty Due To Perimenopause.”
“Case dismissed!”

I WILL TRAP YOU IN A CANDY COTTAGE YOU DUMB BITCH.

Just had to go to a party next door to ask them to please move their party inside (it was drunk screaming outside my bedroom window.) The response from the tenants was very respectful, but the response from the GenZ girl guests made me want to drop everything and devote my life to becoming a witch.

Sorry, man, I’m pro vanity plate. Nothing wrong with a little fun that doesn’t hurt - or even affect - literally anybody else.

Yes! These suckers are getting scammed left and right.

I don’t get it, why don’t they put turn signals on Teslas or Porsches? If I was gonna pay that much for a car, I would definitely want it equipped with turn signals.

Did I want the AirTalk magnet, or the @laist.com tote very badly? Yes, of course I did! My entire personality is an NPR tote! But with the looming loss of SNAP benefits, turning one donation into two - and helping out Food Banks specifically - makes too much sense.

Hey, did you know that if you donate to @laist.com when you pick your “thank you” gift you can choose from options like providing meals to families in need or shelter animals? Check out just a few of these options. Fund public local media!

Every time I forget to limit my replies I get nothing but asshole replies.

That’s why I said weird, not dangerous.

What happened to just shrugging your shoulders at people who seem weird to you? If we all just rolled our eyes and kept it moving - and let people live their freaky little lives in peace - we could all be happy!
Make America “Ok, whatever” Again.

If you are tempted to get mad at me for my last post, you should know that my cat just kissed me on the lips so I think we’re married now. Is it really worth arguing with me?

One of the weirdest ideas going around is that immigrants are here getting free healthcare. But… we don’t have that here. If that was idea they would truck on through and get to Canada or Mexico. We are the LEAST attractive system available. It’s like saying they are stealing our magic wands.

“Let’s hang out soon - grab coffee or something. I actually mean it, lol!”

WHAT?!? I NEVER DONT MEAN IT. EVERY TIME, I ALWAYS MEAN IT. OTHERWISE I WILL SAY “it was nice to see/hear from you!” Or “Well… where did you park?” Or “cool shoes! Bye bye! Tell your cat hi from me!”

Little old ladies at the protests are breaking me. I love them so much. These are the same women who have been protesting for just causes for decades and they’re still going.

#NoKings! Only small princes taking a morning whiz on a hilltop!
See you on the streets!