✘ 𝙽𝙴𝚆𝚂 𝙰𝙽𝙲𝙷𝙾𝚁 .ᐟ

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.. what the hellion .

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everytime someone goes missin', ah'm jus gonna replay this broadcast an' continue about mah day

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( ducking under his desk and cowering behind it for shelter, holding his dog audials like a soldier trying to brave the trenches getting bombed )

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......... mmmmmmm- 💧

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ah don't thank ya know what good concealer is OOOOOHOHOHOHOHOOOOOOO

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AH AM A PROUD
CYBERTRONIAN
PARASITE !

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........ great.
. . . more Nerds .

the idiot doesn't know he's live.

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( GIRLY SQUEAL AN DUCKING FOR COVER EVEN THOUGH HE'S IN THE SAFETY OF HIS OFFICE .

... stupid silver dog audials hesitantly poking above the desk before his beautiful face could risk any further 'damage'.

..audials scanning for danger like a submarine's telescope.)

...cut that, rewind .

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if ah lost an argument ta some schmuck called 'topspin', ah'd probably offline myself

📰.
( TV clicking off.

today's news . take it or leave it . )

( bzzt ⚡️ ! )

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GAHDAHMN, EVERYTHANG SUCKS 🤠 !

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oh, ew .
( crops the video to edit out swerve's breathing radius )

that's bettah 😊

LEWK!!!! DHERE'S ME!!! I'M FAMOUS! I'M ON DA TV!!!
I MADE IT, MA !!!!

( excitedly pointing to a video clip of him on the news, entire body covered by blaster's news icon Mike wazowski style )
( look, Gary! there i am !! )

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weren't you JUS hypin me up a moment ago? do ya wanna make out or nah 🙄
( too lazy to say not )

when all of a sudden i hear this agitating, grating voice

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aaaan' that's today's news !

thanks fer tunin' in, folks !

( extremely loud for no reason hype outro song plays with an overly edited photo of himself with lightning shooting out his eyes for some reason )

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VIOLENCE .

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( flashing back on screen, leaned on his newsdesk with his papers clenched in his fist . )

YOU??? YOU?
ah meant YER.

who WRITES this crap?
ARE YOU bLiNd???? DID WRITERS GO ON STRIKE JUS' TA STICK A DIGIT UP THEIR AFTS?? ah can't WORK with this GARBAGE. ah was in JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTA-
( bZt⚡️ )

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this jus' in, ya'll,
looks like yer beloved WRECKERS jus' got WRECKED.
by tha JUDICIAL SYSTEM !!
HARRRHAAAA!
bout damn time, if ya aaaask ME!
harhaw! LOCK THOSE THUGS UP ! YEEHAWW 😸‼️‼️

DEATH SENTENC-

( cut to commercial break . )

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..oh? you wanna be a news reporter jus' like me one day? d'aaaw.. rewind..
.. do you audials wraggle when you smile?
... no ?
that's what ah thought .
k!II yourself .
...
...... ANNNNN' WE'RE BACK WITH THA NEWS 😁 !

howdy :)

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💭 KRILL YOURSELF!!!!!@!@!!!!!‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

YIPPEEEEEE !!!!

one like equals no

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BREAKIN' NEWS, YA'LL! HEAR YA'LL, - HEAR YA'LL!
READ ALL ABOUT IT !!

... should ah 🤔
.. make this fan's day 🤨 ?

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....... what .

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THEY ARE TAKING REVENGE ON ASTROTRAIN !!!!!!!!!1!!11!!1!!

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WARNIN', WARNIN'! THIS JUS' IN, YA'LL
THERE ARE T W O.
TWO.
STORMGNATS. OR WHATEVER THE HELLS. EVACUATE YER HOMES... nOw!!!!!! THIS IS
N O T a DRILL.
WEE-WOO-WEE-WOO- ATTENTION. ATTENTION.
HELL IS REAL AN' WE'RE ALL LIVIN' IN IT ‼️‼️‼️

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* AH MEAN KIDS !!!!!!*