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as the 7 year old Russian kid said when told to put on his jacket: "what does it matter if i die? if i die, the suffering ends"

i understand why people drink, why they work and come home and numb out. the answer is that life isn't worth it

i don't want to be homeless again. i don't want to be food insecure again. i need a job, i don't care what it is.

or perhaps not die but

i probably should kill myself

i feel the strings pulling on me, in creasingly

this is all so fuckng stupid

i feel the need to put all of this on a PUBLIC, SOCIAL NETWORK LINKED TO ME BY NAME, becuase I am fucking unhinged and irresponsible. sometimes you've got to be, when the world is burning down

i really wish people would pay attention to me for the things i want them to notice. and that i was supported and that i could live my life without fear of homelessness or irrelevance.

very few people like me. i am grumpy and alone. i miss being free. at least i could do what i wanted. outside the system. no expectations. i could make whatever i wanted. no need to be 'good' because there was nobody to teach.

why am i getting a bunch of random bullshit followers
honestly that's a big problem with this website
i need to lock this account lol but that's not possible yet

i don't care. i hate you. i wish you were never born.
these are the things i would say if i didn't actually care.
that being said, i do care. and that is why it hurts so bad, to not care.

i don't even know. what i do any of this for anymore

i am trying to make a game but like
what am i trying to make

always the eye watches and always we yearn for escape

this account is for being unhinged