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She's now finally realizing that was wrong but it took her until she was in her 50s and her kids are adults now. It's weird because I feel the most angry at my mom's parents and they've never done anything directly to me but its like I feel their actions through my moms actions

by living vicariously through her kids. And her whole life she minimized what they did to her bc that's what they told her, it "wasn't a big deal" and "that's in the past" and I think having that mindset she was like "well anything is better than how my parents raised me"

My mom's been getting therapy and it's good and I'm happy for her but I wish so badly she had done this before she had kids. It's not like she didn't have time, she was almost 30 when she first gave birth. I think she thought having children would be a way to have a second chance at a good childhood

He had said the opposite. I just love having thoughtful conversations with white men!!!!!!!!! Literally all he wanted to do is explain my history back to me and act like he knew more about everything it was so infuriating.

And second, does that mean were just supposed to ignore that history?? He kept downplaying every thing i said canada did and then ignore me when i called him out on downplaying by just repeating the same shit. By the end he literally was agreeing with me even though earlier in the conversation

I was beefing with this white canadian because he said some weird shit abt how canada "only" assimilated FNIM but the US "annihilated" Native Americans so apparently what we went thru in canada just isnt that bad which. First of all. The bar is on the floor.

I'm a few years away from it being a decade since I was at my absolute lowest. How am I still trying to heal from this shit I definitely thought I'd be better by now. Younger me would be so disappointed in current me.

It really feels like the whole world is pushing me to just give up. Why try to get better? I can't change. This is all I know.

This shit got me considering getting a job 😭 im still too mentally ill for a normal job so im considering something thru online but idk what yet... fuck my stupid evil life

and have to reapply still. I really hope by some miracle housing opens up in the city we are trying to move to before they start development. Idk how much time we even have because they refuse to give us any concrete time frame. So basically we have to be prepared move or be homeless at all times.

Really worried abt my living situation rn. We are being told that if we have to leave our current place bc of development thats being planned our transfer to move to a diff city will be canceled and we will have to reapply. And if theres no housing here to temporarily put us in we will be homeless-

Also kind of annoys me when people comment on my mask and they aren't even wearing one. Do they think I can't see them? Is that not embarassing for them??

Got misgendered but in a stupid funny way. This old guy randomly came up to me and was like asking me abt my mask bc he thought the pattern was a cat face (its literally not anything close to a cat i was so confused) and i was like no and then he turns to my mom and says something abt how he thought i was angry at him (?? No clue why he says this)and he uses he at first to refer to me and then ruined it by saying "or she, or whatever you are" and says he "can't tell" referring to my gender BUT MY MOM THOUGHT HE WAS TALKING ABT MY MASK STILL AND SAID "me neither" HELPP LMFAO!! I had to explain to her what happened afterwards. The weirdest part of that whole interaction though is that we were walking in an aisle with my mom ahead of me and this guy was in front of both of us so he must've seen me earlier across the store and had been waiting to ask me??

Paying for high shipping from the us is so stupid when i live 4 hours away from the place its shipping from. But i have to pay 35 dollars in shipping simply because it crosses the border. Which is just an imaginary line

I feel like writing a letter to someone you havent talked to in a while is much more natural than messaging them on social media or something. I like that you can take longer to reply and thats seen as normal, I hate the feeling of having to immediately reply so i just pretend i dont see it

I want to be penpals with everyone but they all just want to text and call. Thats why i end up ghosting people 😭 i used to be pen pals with my aunties and it was so fun. I think i stopped because i was literally 7 and got distracted but its truely the best form of communication

I miss vent. I swear its so hard sometimes to articulate my feelings on here. I used to just word vomit on vent but on here im always overthinking. I also miss getting random comments of support from ppl who dont follow me

I wish I could transform into a bird and fly far far away. I don't want to do this human thing I'm tired

I really hate that my brain cant just be like "oh thats nice for them" people being happy can only remind me how miserable i am. Which makes me insufferable to be around and isolates me from ppl more

I hate being so sad and lonely i hate being a loserrrr!!! I went to an art gallery yesterday and I was seeing a group of people hugging and catching up and I felt a pang of sadness bc i know no one who would hug me like that or be so excited to see me.

My pet peeve is when ppl describe long hair as inherently feminine. Maybe it is TO YOU but don't apply that shit to me my long hair is masc as fuck

I remember identifying with the main character in that movie so much... I was going to say more but idk how to articulate it that movie is just really special to me

I have been watching and rewatching Indigenous movies and man. I love Indigenous cinema. I think the first Indigenous movie I ever watched as a kid was Whale Rider and man it's just as good as I remember it, although much sadder as well 😭

Feeling inescapable sorrow this evening. I wish you could make friends as an adult the same way you can as a kid, just going up to someone and asking to be their friend. I never took advantage of that as a kid and now I regret it

I thought this guy was in line before us at the grocery store but the line was so confusing so i asked him and he said no and walked away BUT I CANT TELL IF HE WAS JUST BEING POLITE??? Also he looked like a sad matt damon... i hope he was telling the truth bc the line got way longer after us

I'm so anxious and upset abt something i saw and it doesnt even affect me personally but i genuinely felt so sick and i already felt sick today. Why does the world have to be so cruel? Why do ppl have to be so disgusting? I'm so upset my mind cant stop racing i just want to go to sleep

I hate that I always agonize over how people see me when they probably don't even notice me. I keep wondering what i looked like to the guy i walked past who was shoveling snow. He was likely too cold to even think much of me except for maybe noticing i was wearing a funny hat (it keeps me warm)

I'm glad my mom told me stories abt her family all time, I wish my dad did that but he never spoke abt his family. He probably didn't have a lot to say bc I think he grew up without any extended family, it was just his parents and sister. But still, I wish i knew more abt his childhood at least

I love knowing family stories I find it so interesting hearing about people I know, or people I'm just related to if I never met them. It's also why I like looking into my ancestry and genealogy, I like thinking about what kind of people they were and what they did.

I think maybe I just crave attention from people who ignore me. Oh my god... why are all my emotional problems caused by the emotional neglect i experienced as a child. Wtf.