Carson

to be fair, that's so real by the way

the employee who used to say "real" on every phone call has now started saying "by the way" every time she asks a question on the phone

"Are you on a computer or phone by the way?"

"Okay and is there an error on the screen by the way?"

I noticed this yesterday but it's still happening today 😂

don't worry babe, I charged your toy

cozy winter storm vibes

🤭🤭

I've always been kind imo 😅

lots of people say I'm funny, at least

I know I'm hot and funny and smart and kind, but I'm also a huge nerd and that doesn't always balance out

paws off mine 😡

but I hope you get one

they weren't handing them out for free (or even selling them!)

They were handing them out for anyone who signed up for auto renewal on their membership - but I share my friend's membership and he was already signed up so we weren't eligible.

But the lady found me later and gave me one 🤭

I don't actually work out, I just push the cart at Costco 💪💪

when I was in college, I went shopping with my roommate and his mom. In the toilet paper aisle, his mother said, "my son has to use angel soft because he's got an angel soft booty"

I told my friends that story today and then followed it up with, "that's why my charming ass has to use Charmin"

I got the hat for free today 💅

I fucking love Costco

SOS might be better than ICE?

you're telling me a coco nutted in this shrimp?

friendly reminder to rename the "In Case of Emergency" contact in your phone

please

I don't think so 🫠

I need to be snapped back to reality

I actually do my best work without pants on

😂

I need to be hit with an electric shovel

I don't think a normal one will get the job done

I can't stop reading baked like naked

well, that was really nice 🫠

I'm literally not making a new threads account if it stays suspended

I'll just get abs instead

threads is missing all kinds of content today

been a while since I suited up

I did nothing 😇😇

me coming back to bsky because my situationship blocked me