El Más Guapo

If ever you’ve laid awake at night fantasizing about harm befalling TGIMTECOOB, simply because he just happens to have an IQ of 98 (that’s only two away from a perfect score) and you feel inferior (umm that’s a you problem), it might interest you to know I slammed my knee into the wall and it hurts.

Virgins everywhere are losing their freaking minds right now…

*sigh*

Bluesky is the #1 choice if someone wants to pursue indie microblogging excellence because no where else matters as little to the population at large than this nauseatingly earnest pile of dog shit website.

“I’m a famous indie microblogger on Bluesky (jealous?)”

“Never heard of you”

“Exactly”

Between us, sometimes I think Patty (Brown, mayor of brampton, huge fan of the microblog) is such a huge fan of mine it clouds his judgement.

If he really appreciated TGIMTECOOB he would build the statue of me he promised on top of the Mandarin off the 410 like I asked and NOT on Chinguacousy hill…

I said to Patty (Brown, mayor of Brampton, huge fan of the microblog)…

“Listen Patty, you are already building a statue in my honour. We cannot make October TGIMTECOOB-appreciation-month. It’s too much. Let’s spotlight Dyslexia instead.”

“But I just love you Guapo…”

“MAS guapo, Patty…”

“Sorry”

Speaking as Godfather to all my precious Brampton babies, who just happens to be an “ageless wonder” literally aging in reverse (just my good jeans tbh), who just happens to be the most sought after man in all of Peel region by ovulating females, I hereby declare October is Dyslexia awareness month.

Just another day in Brampton…

MICROBLOG SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!

Thanks to the re-introduction of Tarkir Dragonstorm on MTG Arena dot com, I am back to hemorrhaging money on said internet gaming website.

This guy has been playing with himself for the last 746746 minutes…

It’s looks like a radicalized sperm ffs…

“Dammit hes playing that woman again…” - my neighbours

My mom brought a lemon cake today and I just ate half of it.

Guess what losers!

Tomorrow I’m STILL going to be a ridiculously handsome, massively jacked, negative 7 percent body fat hunk of beefcake who just happens to be the greatest indie microblogger to ever come out of Brampton.

🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️

I love my Epiphone Les Paul copy but honestly I think my next guitar needs the ability to be placed on a flat surface with no drama…

A truly blessed day in Brampton… (as usual obv)

It’s Testimonial Tuesday! 🎉

Each week leading up to the release of our book, Reading Assessment Done Right, we will be sharing one of the thoughtful endorsements received from a respected professional in the field. ⭐️

Thanks to Jan Hasbrouck for this week’s kind words! 📝

Speaking as the most virile specimen of handsomeness to ever come out of Brampton, who just happens to be its greatest indie microblogger, who just happens to have an “uncomfortably large” magnanimity and absolutely savage rizz, I must say apple sauce with cereal is a great substitute for milk.

She did have a suspiciously large salad this weekend…

If she suddenly starts labelling random shit with “SALAD CLUB MEMBERS ONLY” it’s dump city…

All relationships have their ups and downs and I can DEFINITELY say that suddenly finding out your gf is a salad club member is a down.

I specifically wrote “no salad club members” on my Bumble profile…

a man with a mustache is sitting on a swing in the park . ALT: a man with a mustache is sitting on a swing in the park .

“I did not see this coming” - chumps (and me)

Salad club is like the borg.

If the gf is openly saying she is part of salad club then I wonder for how long she has been assimilated.

Days? Weeks?? Months????

She’s gone, bro.

My gf just told me she is part of salad club at her school…

Please pray for me during this difficult time.

I just can’t…

Furbies?

Satan (MTG) I rebuke you in the name of Samantha, the greatest microblogger of all time.

This Secret Lair business is getting uncomfortably weird.

So Eddie is just another SpongeBob?

Just a mask slapped on a pre-existing card?

I was insulted that Spongebob was not his own character.

And Eddie?

You couldn’t make Eddie his own character?

Just more rotating masks among so many rotating masks?

Is nothing special?

TGIMTECOOB would NEVER.

Speaking for all of Brampton as THE single biggest global icon the Flower City has ever produced, I have to say that everything cannot be sunshine and roses all the time.

It literally (not really) pains me to say this as an Iron Maiden fan but this Secret Lair nonsense is just too much.

As the winner of the “role model of the year” award for 24, 25 and a shoo in for 26, who just happens to be a pillar of the Brampton community (even that dump Castlemore), who just happens to be the most respected name in indie microblogging today, I must say MTG Secret Lair is out of control.