Phil White

It’s interesting, but in no way surprising that these young Republicans caught up in the hate message deal and think they’re part of some master race are in fact total fat fucks.

First of all, suicide is never a solution. BUT if you’ve decided committing suicide and killing children is your ticket out, do the suicide part first.

WhAt ArE yOu DeMs GoInG tO sAy WhEn BiLl ClInToN iS oN tHe (Epstein) LiSt?

My guess is — if we learn he was a child-fucker — most of us will say, “Hang him just like every other motherfucker on that list.”

I must give Trump credit where it was do. I didn’t know anybody had the ability to maker root for Rupert Murdoch.

Wasn’t on purpose, but I just realized the TV in my living room is on PBS and the radio in my kitchen is on NPR. 🖕

I mean, I suppose I also didn’t know English is the official language of Liberia, but I’m also not the President of the United States.

You know things are in GREAT shape when I’m saying, “Tucker Carlson is the good guy.”

Nuclear war brought on by two manchild, wannabe dictators trading insults on social media is absolutely something I had on my 2025 Bingo card.

Doctor: Anything going on that would be causing your blood pressure to creep back up?

Phil: I dunno. The fuckin’ world?

I cheat by using Cornell’s Shazam for Birds. Land Grant universities for the win!

I wonder what kind of gross, horrible thing Trump knows about Bezos. It’s about the only thing that can explain why Bezos is such a pussy.

If gang affiliation is illegal, why isn't every Proud Boy and Klan member in prison?

Trump says Powell’s termination as Fed chair can’t come fast enough. If only we could figure out what idiot appointed Powell in the first place…

I used to highly respect Jerry. I hope like fuck he can make me kinda sorta respect him again.

I am convinced if Kamala Harris had finished saying, “This motherfucker” in the debate instead of pausing and correcting herself to, “This…..former president,” she’d be in the Oval Office today.

I’d ask the Tesla-driving friends how they can financially support a Nazi-loving motherfucker. But then I remember the only vehicles I have ever owned have been Fords.

Hi, I’m God.

A child’s “right to life” should include the right not to die from measles.

So it was bad that Obama was president because he was “born in Africa” (he wasn’t), but it’s totally cool for the unelected Musk to call the shots despite being born in Africa. Therefore your actual problem with Obama was _______________.

While I may find some of the spending cuts in the House bill ill-advised, at least it is — correctly — Congress making the cuts.

Tesla stock fell 8% today. Time for Elon to send an email explaining what he does.

You start to feel like you’ve made it when you have enough hotel points to get free stays. For my father-in-law, that means he rarely has to pay anything to stay at a Hyatt hotel property. Me? I ain’t gotta pay shit the next time I stay at a Comfort Inn.

Got my latest round of Haggar pants. Reminds me of the LBJ phone call and times when a president instead of playing a victim to everything could just say, “Hey, I live your pants. Send me more. But make ‘em a little more roomy so they don’t hurt my taint.”

It’s going to be interesting to see an administration push the vaccine causes autism bullshit while simultaneously letting the most autistic motherfucker any of us have ever seen push the elected president aside and run the government according to his whims and obsessions.

Seeing a lot of farmers explain away the concerns other producers have about the shutdown of USAID with, “Well, there’s a lot of fraud and waste, though.” Have fun when Elon gets to USDA, boys.

Dipping my toes into this platform. A little about me: I use bad language. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck.

Balls.