skylar (18+)ΘΔ the cat dog in your drain pipes

doggy only sees red

the new roommate is also very cat coded and so it's actually like we are getting 2 cats, one is just roughly 5 feet tall and hairless

sorry i didn't stream last week, was having a lot of sensory difficulties still. I want to this week again but now we have a roommate moving in and my room is a neutral space for their cat, so we'll see how long the new kitty takes to adjust

oops i wish i could edit posts, JUST woke up. i mean its only accessible in the desktop app for discord

i canceled my nitro yesterday over this. it's so dumb, what needs to be more accessible is resources for parents to be raising their kids responsibly, not me giving my ID to corporations and crossing my fingers it won't be stolen or used against me in an increasingly facist government

yeah so many of the spaces i hang out in are 18+.

btw there's a setting in discord that allows viewing 18+ stuff on the phone, the setting is just only accessible in discord (sorry if this doesn't apply to you where you are xux i had to do it for my iphone)

soft magic dragon🌈☁️
6x4" colored pencil & oil pastel

dear santa;

...balls? 👉👈🥺
sincerely: me

balls

i keep shooting my self in the foot metaphorically with mental health stuff. each thing exhausts everyone around me and i get more nxious and alienated and. everyone kinda thinks its best for me to leave. im so...... idk.......

theres no fucking way my meltdown meter is THIS FULL again after JUST having had one...

i like my little man

i named him after my bf and put him in a dress until i can put my actual bf in a dress :))))

it's the noise that finally threw me into a full blown melt down yesterday. I got so overwhelmed i started screaming as hard a si could and my roommates said it sounded like i was dying

twice a day i gotta listen to a dipshit rev his engine. It is a noise that feels like someone attached a syringe to my heart and starts slowly allowing a stream of stress in. Overwhelm. And in my ears, it feels like how annoying it is when someone blows on your ear or tickles it. It's maddening

im normally too broke to buy a game impulsively so if ill regret it i find out before i buy it :3c i think, arc raiders would have been a regret for me

🤔

damn thats crazy, im so sorry. i hope you guys get the support you need asap

it feels really demeaning and its hard to not take it as a punishment and like i did something wrong for having a sensory/stress/overhwelm meltdown

like i would be unsettled too and upset by screaming a lot too. it would upset me. but i dont think i would ever ask someone in my position to not do it again and also say they need to stay away from me.

emotions that intense. Where would i direct it? My surroudings? myself? i cant scredam, i cant hit myself, i cant hit my head, what.. do i just flail around? i... ;-; it doesnt feel fair...

it worries me to think what id do instead of screaming.

Like, they asked me not to scream. Im gonna try sscreaming into pillows next time. I made it to m y bed last night and didnt realize screaming into my bed mattress is not the same as a pillow. But i get banished from the living room afterwards and "Hey, can you not scream next time?"

I dont know what an appropriate ptsd response to my autistic sensory meltdowns are. "Hey, can you not have another meltdown/please not be vocal during it so we cant hear you?" feels.... wrong? At least, it makes me feel extremely guilty and bad for something not entirely in my control.

like yeah. i think about it frequently. at most points in my life i have, im still here. can we fucking move on.

like i was gonna get my autism assessment and it was $1200. i asked if he knows anyone that would do it accepts my insurance. He hasn't got back to me and i forgot during the last visit because despite having told him about my ideation before he had to spend 20 minutes going over it.

sometimes i feel like my therapist is useless. He says fucking obvious stuff. It's like i'm paying to have another person to vent to and go "sounds like you're having a rough time" and "we have a two thousand dollar psych evaluation down the hall"

the lash (my nemesis) killed me right after this (lash makes me insane i go arrFF AORHGFGF AWOOOOOOOOOO ) bites him

were wolf mommy 2v6 penta kill

(gameplay is real but unrealistic because the game has me at 2 down arrows for silver so im pretty sure this lobby was a bit under my skill rating and not fair to the enemy team)

i'm so stressed out man