i hope everyone here is doing alright :D
im not v active on social media anymore but ive lost 10lbs so we r sooo back loll
I love gaining and losing the same 5lbs kms
I binged but its ok im in a 1k c deficit for this week π
Gn!!!
fasting at work is not for the weak. brain fog was incredible but i only slightly messed up once tehe
i work in a restaurant as well so i was going crazy but ahhhhhhhhhh
Kms I had 3100c in one sitting πππππππππππππππππππ
Can I dodge the pizza when I hang out w my friends tmrwβ¦ Hmmβ¦
just fyi itβs haII0wΔΔn so cΓ₯I0r!es actually do not count today, and i grant u ALL a guilt free silly lil treat today
life update: i keep eating π
if im wrong ab the cals oops -.-; also dont ask why theres cook marks on the turkey, cold meat makes me sick lol
i keep taking pictures of my meals like theyβre gonna be nice looking
also apparently i love turkey why the heck are they all w turkey π
writing something for the first time in a while if i reread this shit and end up having to scrap it someoneβs going to dye. and lets jsut saey. dat soemon is m ππππππ
kinda started crying ab having two chocolate bars yesterday but that put me up to 1000 erm scratches head
im pretty sure i eat way less than i should just regularly. i exercise and walk n shit and i get up to 1000cal on a bad day. but i still donβt lose weight KILL MEEEEE
i mean realistically its multiple things- extreme restrictions, intense stress, etc etc but my food issues have always stemmed from just how things are where i live urgghhh
i wish i could afford to move out sometimes. iβm scared of like 75% of the food in my household and i end up binging somehow??? T.T
lowk i saw someone and decided i need to stop eating like forever
my parents want me to start eating together w them every dinner time :(((
as like a family thing but ffhdhdgggss how dare u do this to meee
i just feel disappointed i canβt lose weight as much and as fast as i used to. it feels like iβm constantly hitting roadblocks. i keep seeing im back at 69kg and lowk wanna kill myswlf πππ
i need to start working out again. hopefully increasing calories burned and muscle mass will help me actually lose weight ._.
wouldnβt hurt to have muscle definition too i suppose
i hate myself i just keep eating and eating only bc i WANT TO not bc i actually need to eugh
why do i suffer from every disorder ever
not genuinely, obviously, but if i wasnβt constantly struggling iβd find it funny just how many issues i have-
there were so many sweets in the house and i couldnβt lock myself in my room so i ended up eating a lot i hate myself aaahhggghh
i kinda wonder if its one of those weird childh/ood things bc my main abuser was v uw and most positive interactions iβve had w ppl were from ow ppl. but also my closest fri/end was uw so idek >,>
got paranoid rephrasing
idk why i feel the need to tell someone so iβm saying this into the edb/sky void but i think itβs ironic i find chu/bbier people more attractive yet i have an e/d which is at least 50% caused due to my own internalized fatph/obia
i hope my beat friend is generally uneducated on e/d s bc i told her iβd fasted for nearly 51hrs before going out to eat w her. i think iβm too fat for anyone to be concerned but hhfdgggdbbd i feel nervous impulsively telling her π₯²π₯²
i donβt think i have anything to be concerned about but i keep feeling uncomfortable due to fullness and it feels like an attack on my health. ik iβm bloated but i feel utterly disgusting ._.;
at least i had fun but eugh
iβm not fasting for that long only to break it with a huge meal i feel absolutely terrible i think i need to stop eating forever eww
i lost .4lbs after not eating for an entire day and drinking under 100cals this fasting shit is a sc/am i swear (iβm still gonna fast) (itβs probably just waterweight or maybe my metabolism is really actually that fucked idk idk)
hehe one more hour then i can finally eat π
gonna have to walk a bunch to get to the restaurant im meeting my friend at though uuugghhhhhfffg